This Kid Pissing in an Elevator Is This Year's Best Horror Movie

A very important breakdown.

|
Feb 26 2018, 6:14pm

Photo via screenshots.

Instant karma is, rightfully, one of the most popular genres of videos.

I mean who doesn’t want to see a baddie getting their comeuppance right after they pulled off one of their dirty tricks? It triggers a primal part of the brain that is wired solely for schadenfreude, and, because we’ve seen in real-time that this person sucks, we don’t have to feel bad for their suffering.

This brings us to a little guy riding an elevator in Chongqing, China, who got himself trapped in the elevator after pissing on the buttons. It is undoubtedly the best elevator revenge thriller of the modern era (yes, even better than Devil). The video has been uploaded all over the internet but let’s take a closer look at one called “Chinese boy breaks elevator with his pee pee.”

Siri, embed that shit!

Thanks Siri.

Our short film starts with CCTV footage showing a young man in an elevator. The boy, wearing glasses and a green jacket, takes a quick look around the elevator to make sure he’s alone. After a couple seconds his gaze meets the wall of buttons and a connection is formed. You see, our boy must be thinking, these buttons are not nearly wet enough.

This kid—either on purpose or because he just slammed a bunch of soft drinks—obviously had a pretty full bladder when he got into this elevator and, well, he had to do what you need to do when you have a full bladder. So, this little guy undid his pants and starts to do the business that we all need to do sometimes. Except, he obviously got a little bored and shimmied himself up to the buttons to give them a good soaking up and down—the precision he has here makes one wonder if he’s done it before.

However, when he’s done his deed, disaster strikes! The boy, now with his pants done up right, reaches his destination but alas the door won’t open fully. So, the scamp gingerly reaches up and touches on of the (now piss-soaked) buttons. These buttons, which have I dunno been short-circuited by the piss, start taking on a life of their own by going on and off and pretty much doing their best impression of Linda Blair in The Exorcist.

Overhead the lights start flickering ominously. If this was a horror movie, this is when the music would swell. The kid starts to hop around. He knows something bad is happening and his piss has something to do with it. This elevator—sentient or not—is taking revenge on him.

Then, it happens: after the elevator fucks with him a bit more and he panically pushes the buttons it slams into darkness—just pee-induced darkness.

The boy is illuminated by the lights on the buttons which have gone full Poltergeist at this point and our movie ends. If we just had this video we don’t know what happens to the boy next, most likely, when the lights came back on we'd expect our little pisser would be gone.

He would be swallowed by the pissed off and piss covered elevator demon, never to return.

But, this isn’t a movie and according to translated stories from several Chinese news outlets the boy was rescued shortly thereafter by a search-and-rescue team. He wasn’t hurt and was trapped only briefly in his piss-soaked shame. The rescuers found the footage afterwards and shared it with the world, as they should.

At the end of the day, whether you like this artistic found footage film or not, you do have to agree that it’s a whole head and heels better than that flick Shyamalan produced about an elevator.

Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter.

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