[liveleak src='http://www.liveleak.com/ll_embed?f=fc9e0c8c9dba' width='640' height='360']Oh Canada, will you never cease to embarrass yourself? No matter how hard we try and shake our non-threatening image, we keep dropping the proverbial soap in the international shower of military might. Remember a few weeks ago when during the daily changing of the ceremonial guard, one soldier tragically slipped on a man hole cover in front of the Parliamentary buildings, nearly fatally stabbing himself in the arm with his own bayonet? Well this is not the first time a Canadian military show of strength has ended in a sad trombone. Throughout the 80’s and 90’s we became international laughing stocks by cutting military spending to an embarrassing level, even risking the safety of our soldiers by equipping them with outdated gear in the process (something that dangerously continued into the Afghan War). It was all part of a Liberal government plan to ship most of our defense responsibilities south of the border. And after 9/11, we’ve basically been playing army catch-up to be militarily relevant once again. An effort that, for better or worse, has ended in some seriously humiliating moves. In other words, besides the Afghan National Army, or the French, lately nobody is looking more amateur at war than Canadians. Here’s a list of some of our favourite recent Canadian military whoopsies.
If the Canadian Navy wasn’t already sad enough after being bitched slapped by Russian nuclear subs in the race to establish sovereignty over the Arctic, they decided to buy hand-me-down submarines from the English Navy to compete. The U.K. government, knowing Canada’s role as an international sucker, allegedly fleeced their former colony by selling them faulty ancient subs with broken torpedo systems. They were such rusty pieces of shit, in the maiden voyage as a Canadian vessel, the HMCS Chicoutimi caught fire causing severe smoke inhalation to nine crew members and killing another. We know there’s a joke about being as useful as a submarine with a screen door, but Canada doesn’t seem to be in on it. To date, none of the subs are actually operational.
In May 2008 former Foreign Affairs Minister Maxime Bernier somehow forgot clearly labelled “Top Secret” briefings containing NATO military strategies in Afghanistan at the house of his Hell’s Angel’s connected girlfriend, Julie Couillard. Not content with minor humiliation, he broke up with her, and then pressured her to burn it to save his own ass. Somehow the story was leaked (by Couillard), forcing his resignation and Canada’s reputation as an international security liability.
Ironically, the official Canadian Air Forces demonstration squadron, called the “Snowbirds”, affectionately named after a 1978 Anne Murray hit song, have crashed more times than a Polish WWII bomber. Along with a very public fatal air show crash in 2007, a year later one Snowbird pilot and a military photographer died when a routine, non-exhibition flight went horribly wrong near the Snowbird's home base in Saskatchewan in one of Canada's most tragic air disasters.
Russell Williams is not only famous in Canada for being a cross dressing serial killer, but he was also a decorated Air Force Colonel. Along with the many pictures taken with the Queen after piloting her helicopter during her Royal visits to Canada, his photo recently appeared in a Canadian Forces booklet promoting “continuous learning and professional development.” The booklet was hastily pulled from distribution when somebody noticed Williams’ creepy murderous grin in the title image, forcing Defense Minister Peter Mackay to publicly apologize.
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