Bisexual Musicians: Let's Bang Them

Sophie Saint Thomas lists which team-switching musicians she'd get nude for.

|
Mar 20 2012, 4:05pm

I have a memory of being in middle school and bitchily declaring, "I don't believe in bisexuality, those people just seem confused and slutty." Then a higher power played an awesome joke on me, and as my pubic hair came in I noticed rather than being jealous of the pretty girls, I wanted to do things to them (all the while still loving the peen). Below is a list of my favorite artists that also play for both teams. 

Azealia Banks



I once got a purple push-up pop from an ice cream truck in Harlem. It was a hot summer day so it was dripping and making my fingers sticky. That's what I imagine Azealia's pussy would taste like. There's something happening now—more and more attractive, young successful women are coming out with their bisexuality. It's becoming mainstream. Free love! Azealia Banks could be the poster child of this movement. (I know you're probably thinking, what about Lady Gaga? She was mainstream bi way before anyone had even heard of Azealia. Yeah yeah, but Gaga is a bat shit crazy alien, I'm talking about humans here.) Azealia came out in February 2012 to the New York Times saying "I'm not trying to be, like, the bisexual, lesbian rapper. I don't live on other people's terms." You go girl. Haters to the left. Direct message me if you want my number. 

David Bowie



David Bowie is the O.G. of the bi-curious. He's one of those enchanting souls with the ability to seduce all colors of the rainbow. In a 1976 interview with Playboy Bowie stated, "It's true—I am a bisexual. But I can't deny that I've used that fact very well. I suppose it's the best thing that ever happened to me." It's the best thing that happened to a lot of us. The flamboyant outfits, the gender-bending lyrics, "You've got your mother in a whirl, she's not sure if you're a boy or a girl" would bring out the bi in generations to come. My interpretation of Bowie's bisexuality is that he got his dick sucked by a bunch of dudes in the 70's but falls in love with mostly women. On that note—Iman, I'm sorry that I fuck your husband in my dreams on a weekly basis, but you really didn't need to round up all the girls who were mean to me in college to chase me into a public restroom the other night. 

Dusty Springfield



Man oh man does "Son of Preacher Man" get me going. Also, Dusty loves cats. Nothing would make me happier than growing old with her and our seven cats in a Chelsea townhouse. We'd watch the gay pride parade safely from our window and be all, "Oh, how lovely! Good for them." Dusty's bisexuality was pre-Azealia Banks, so she wasn't able to embrace it in the same way we can today. In 1970 in an interview with the Evening Standard she said "A lot of people say I'm bent, and I've heard it so many times that I've almost learned to accept it....I know I'm perfectly as capable of being swayed by a girl as by a boy. More and more people feel that way and I don't see why I shouldn't." You should, Dusty. Embrace that shit. 

Evan Rachel Wood



I know I know, I'm taking some leeway with the word "musician" here. But hey, she sang in Across the Universe. And I love her. Evan Rachel Wood came out as bisexual in an April 2011 interview with Esquire. She continued "Yeah, I'm more kind of like the guy when it comes to girls. I'm the dominant one." Unfortunately this presents a slight problem for me, as I also switch from bottom to top when it comes to women, but I'd like to think we could work this out. I am slightly worried Marilyn Manson put a curse on her pussy, but a little added danger can be fun in the bedroom. 

Bruce Springsteen

Bruce publicly came out in Spring of 88' when he.... oh wait, he hasn't come out? Well this is awkward. 

@TheBowieCat