Dick or treat.
Image via author.
I'd been having trouble deciding what to wear (or not wear) to Totally Naked Toronto's Halloween party. James Forbes, the president and event coordinator of the gay naturist group was telling me how last year one guy made a faux brick wall out of plaster and foam core, covered it in graffiti, hung a roll of toilet paper on it and cut out a hole for his cock: He was a glory hole… brilliant.
Although I've been dabbling with naturism myself for the last while, I was unclear what would impress at a party like that... though I was determined to find out.
According to the Facebook invite, genitals and ass must be showing regardless of the costume so it seemed logical that people would utilize their junk for any given look, kind of like that glory hole guy.
I'd narrowed down my costume choices to a flasher in a trench coat, or one of those sports streakers with messages written across their body. With the streaker, I figured that a Toronto Blue Jays flag-turned-cape would've completed the look as an accent piece. The problem with either costume though is that my ass would be covered up, which went against the rules. I asked Forbes how strict they were in enforcing the ass rule.
"We prefer that everything be out," he said. "Once one queen starts wearing their underwear, everybody wears them."
I clarified that I was thinking of a cape not underwear, which, after my explanation he was fine with. Still he went on to suggest that I cut a hole in the cape and place a clear piece of vinyl there—an "ass window" was how he described it.
In the end, I decided to go as the streaker but ditched the cape concept altogether and instead wore a Toronto Blue Jays ball cap backwards and some body paint, writing "GO JAYS GO" across my chest, "HI MOM" on my back and "YOLO" on my arm.
I arrived at the party just after 6PM on Saturday since it started at four and was going to nine at night. It was kind of like a T-dance, which are Sunday afternoon parties popular in the gay world but that wasn't necessarily the thinking behind the hours. Forbes told me that most members of TNTMEN are 40 or older and claimed that late nights are unappealing to them. Not only that but they wanted to avoid competition with other gay bars and it was also the time that Club 120 was available.
At the door, I was given a plastic bag for my stuff so I stripped down to just my shoes and hat. This older gentleman watched me remove my clothes like the process was a spectacle, but it made me self aware. I tried not to be too bothered because I understood that voyeurism was a part of this naturist ecosystem as exhibitionism and naturism itself in its pure and sometimes political form.
I shoved my money in my left sock and my phone in the right, and delivered my bag to coat check upstairs.
Once I checked my stuff, I grabbed a beer and found a spot up above, overlooking the dancefloor. There were only a handful of people dancing down below moving to everything from The Jackson 5 to Crystal Waters. It was obvious though that most people weren't really there to dance.
Most of the guys were collected in the two mezzanines overlooking the dance floor on either side of the club. The night had a sort of sexual, social vibe you'd expect when you put that many naked gay men together in one place. A lot of them were just drinking and chatting, but there were some handjobs and blowjobs being exchanged like handshakes amongst the mingling. I saw the occasional couple fucking but it was no biggie; nobody batted an eye.
"Anything goes" seemed to be the mantra for the night, which extended to the costumes too. I spotted a naked cowboy with a large dildo in his holster, a Spiderman with his junk hanging out the front, and a guy with a pig mask dressed in leather—a pig in cow's clothing I guess. There was no rhyme nor reason to the outfits so long as genitalia was showing; the costumes were pretty random. There was also a sultan, a matador, and a body builder, all with their dicks out.
There were some costumes that I didn't get too—kind of mash-up of different looks, masks and fetish gear. I felt like most people didn't understand my costume either. I had to explain it a few times and figured that since everybody kind of looked like a streaker there, since we were all naked, my costume wasn't so obvious. I'm sure the Blue Jays flag-cum-cape would've helped.
There was a costume contest near the end of the night judged by local queer celebrities, including two past Mr. Leatherman Toronto, as well as gay monarchs from the not-for-profit, The Imperial Court of Toronto: Empress and Emperor Morgan and Hunter James. Contestants presented themselves, one-by-one with some playing up the character they dressed as. The judges narrowed down their choices to a top 10, and then a final three. The winners were a male Medusa-like character, a Frankenstein in shackles and a couple dressed as a master / slave meets The Little Mermaid...or at least I think that's what they were. The slave was wearing a chastity belt on his penis, of course.
Most costumes didn't utilize genitalia per se, not like how I thought. The party was basically just like any other costume party but with nudity, and that seemed to be more the point: To be naked, first and foremost. Though some people took their costumes very seriously and were eager to compete, the Halloween theme seemed to be secondary, as a sort of excuse for naturists to have fun with their nudity in a different sort of way. So if you want to know what to wear the next time you go to an event like this, the answer is whatever the hell you want. Just make sure your cock is out.
Follow Mike on Twitter.