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The White House Is Looking for Just About Anyone to Play Its Christmas Events

Now's your chance to join past Trump event performers, like 3 Doors Down and the USA Freedom Kids—even if you have to cover travel expenses yourself.

by River Donaghey
Aug 5 2018, 3:56pm

Christmastime is almost here. Well, sure, it's only August, and the world is currently a hot and terrifying hellscape, but the inevitable march of time soldiers on and it'll be December before we know it. So in order to get a jump on the 2018 holiday season, (and to potentially avoid another embarrassing inauguration nightmare) Trump and Melania have already started the search for White House entertainers during the holiday season—by launching an open casting call for performers, the Hill reports.

"The White House invites local musicians including high school bands, choirs, and Christmas-themed entertainers to apply for the opportunity to perform during Holiday Open Houses throughout the month of December," the White House wrote in a press release Friday, accompanied by an exceptionally bland video made up of mostly White House holiday B-roll.

Are you a "Christmas-themed entertainer" desperately waiting for your big break? Have you always dreamed of singing "White Christmas" at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue while Trump awkwardly struggles to mouth the words? Do you want to join the proud ranks of past Trump event performers, like 3 Doors Down and the USA Freedom Kids? Now's your chance!

The admission process mostly just involves filling out a form and penning a few quick paragraphs about your skills and relevant White House and/or Christmas performance experience, but it's unclear how, exactly, the Trumps are planning to narrow down the applicants.

“This is the first time to my knowledge that the application process has been made open to the public in this manner," Christmas at the White House author Jennifer Pickens told the Hill.

Is this whole thing just an excuse for Trump to launch his own American Idol-style singing competition, complete with Rudy Giuliani periodically spouting the phrase "That's a 'no' for me, dawg"? Or is this just the only way that the Trumps can find people who actually want to perform? Hopefully, Trump's old lawyer, Ty Cobb, can put in a good word for Copstabber to helm a night of Christmas standards in the Rose Garden or something.

If, for some reason, you want to apply for the dubious honor of singing, say, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" at the Trump White House, all you have to do is fill out the form and wait to hear back by October 1. Just be sure you know that if you're selected, you'll have to cover all the travel expenses yourself, and unlike American Idol, there's probably no massive record deal coming down the line if you make it. But at least you'll know that Trump thought your voice was nice. Uh, worth it, right?

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.

white house
melania trump
Holiday Season!
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