"My missus doesn't like it. I tried before, but she cried."
I noticed something yesterday about the battling mass of commuters on my way to work. While a zealous swarm of briefcased suits desperately trampled over each other to make the train, a sly current of those in the know used an exit-only stairwell to gain access to the station.
I stopped in my tracks – the world suspended for a fleeting moment, the sharp, intrusive elbow jabs into my sides going temporarily unnoticed – while I thought about anal sex. Watching the trains rush through their intended tunnels and the commuters taking the back route in threw up one simple question for me to immediately to take the streets and ask: London, do you surf and turf?
Steve, 25 (left) and Joe, 24.
Joe: I’m not sure what that means. Something horrible, I presume.
VICE: When you shag a girl in the front, then the back.
Steve: Oh yeah, go for it. I’ll go for a surf and turf! Either at the same time or one after another – fantastic. I call that two for one.
Joe: I’m not sure about surf and turf; I call it double dippin’.
Oh, you're quite into it already, are you, Joe?
Steve: He’s a bit of trend-setter; he’s breaking new ground.
Joe: I’m breaking something.
Zing. How do you usually go about it?
Steve: I’m always a gent.
Joe: Yeah, you’ve got to ask before, it’s only polite.
Brian, 20: Nope, I’ve never done that.
Have you ever done a girl in the bum?
I would, but my missus won’t let me. I tried it before but she cried.
Jesus, that sounds a bit rapey.
[Laughs] Don't worry, it was consensual. I don’t really like anal that much, though. It’s alright, but I think it’s overrated.
Robert, 19 (left) and Sheree, 20.
Robert: The food? No, I don’t think they mix particularly well.
What about sexually?
If you didn’t beat around the bush this would be a lot easier. Oh, wait, I think I get it. And yes, yes I would. As long as you give me time to recover in between.
Sheree: Haha. Robert, you don’t have sex!
Robert: She’s a bitch.
Deeane, 29 (left) and Zoe, 33.
Deeane: Erm, do you mean the food?
I didn't think so. Nope, I haven’t done that. You can get kidney infections. I wouldn’t mind doing it, but I don’t think you should do it in the bum before.
Yeah, hygiene should definitely come first.
Zoe: I’m not morally against it, but it’s just a bit unappealing.
Deeane: I think it would be weird for a guy to ask you pre-sex, but if we were in the heat of the moment, I’d probably give it a go.
Nicholas, 28: No, I’ve never done that. Not interested at all.
What if a girl was begging for it?
In and out of the vag and the shitbox? Yeah, I guess maybe I'd consider it if she really wanted to.
Nicholas, you gentleman, you.
Previously - How Attractive Are You On a Scale of 1 to 10?