These Alleged Avatar Sequel Titles Are Awful, So Here Are 50 Better Ideas

Literally anything beats 'Avatar: The Seed Bearer.'

by River Donaghey
Nov 5 2018, 3:00pm

Photo by Bruce Glikas/Bruce Glikas/FilmMagic

There are more Avatar movies coming whether we like it or not. A lot more. James Cameron is currently hard at work cranking out four sequels, the first of which will hit theaters in December 2020, with the others rolling out every few years after that until the end of time or 2025, whichever comes first.

Information about the upcoming films has been pretty slight—at least, until now. On Friday, the BBC released a report that supposedly reveals the titles for Avatar II-IV. According to some mysterious "documentation," the next four Avatar movies might be called Avatar: The Way of Water, Avatar: The Seed Bearer, Avatar: The Tulkun Rider, and Avatar: The Quest for Eywa.

Yes, "The Seed Bearer."

The names haven't been verified, so it's unknown if they're the actual titles, working titles, or just entirely made up, but one thing is abundantly clear: These names suck. Slashfilm may have done a heroic job digging through the Avatar Wiki to unpack what the hell "The Quest for Eywa" might actually mean, but still. These are some really, truly, unapologetically heinous titles.

So in honor of the impending onslaught of Avatar movies with potentially godawful names, we here at VICE have taken it upon ourselves to come up with 50 better options out of the goodness of our hearts. Have at them, James Cameron:

  1. Avatar: A Very Expensive Cartoon
  2. Avatar: Journey to the Uncanny Valley
  3. Avatar: Avatar Chronicles Part 1: The Legend of N'S'Wing'Tho
  4. Avatar and the Hunt for a Better Metaphor for Colonialism
  5. Avatar: The One Where They Fuck with Their Tails Some More
  6. Avatar: Back in 2-D for Some Reason
  7. Avatar: In 4-D Now Which Means Gross Water Will Squirt on Your Face
  8. Avatar: The Hubris of Cameron
  9. Avatar: I Just Did This So They Would Pay for Submarines
  10. Avatar: Don't Ask Why the Bad Guy Is Back Even Though He Definitely Died Already
  11. Avatar: Again with the Blue People
  12. Avatar XI: Madea's Return
  13. Avatar: The Ear Gauger
  14. Avatar: The Dancing Plant
  15. Avatar: The Legend of Eywa's Gold
  16. Wet Hot American Avatar
  17. Avatar: This Time Starring Oprah
  18. Return to Avatar Mountain
  19. Avatar: Here We Go Again
  20. Avatar 2000
  21. Avatar: Fine, Fine, We'll Do Full Frontal
  22. Avatar vs. Predator vs. Jason
  23. Avatar: Another Movie Not as Good as the Ride
  24. Avatar II: The Four Nations Used to Live in Harmony
  25. Avatar III: Everything Changed When the Fire Nation Attacked
  26. Avatar IV: Only the Avatar Mastered All Four Elements
  27. Avatar V: But When the World Needed Him Most, He Vanished
  28. Avatar VI: Somehow, the Avatar Will Return to Save the World
  29. Avatar II: European Gigolo
  30. The Avatar Awakens
  31. Avatar: The Musical
  32. Avatar: Timothée Chalamet in Conversation with Harry Styles
  33. Avatar XVII: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Something About the Trees?
  34. Mr. Avatar Goes to Washington
  35. Avatar: It's Still Just Dances with Wolves
  36. Avatar: Daba Dee Daba Die
  37. Avatar: Yeah, You Saw Me, So the Fuck What
  38. Avatar: Spring Break
  39. Avatar After Dark
  40. Avatar: TJ Miller Is in This One
  41. Avatar: Is This Content?
  42. Rise of the Avatars
  43. Revenge of the Rise of the Planet of the Blue People
  44. Avatar: Tokyo Drift
  45. Avatar: In Avatar, Do the Na'vi Have Human-Like Genitals?
  46. Avatar: Several People Are Typing in Slack
  47. This Avatar Is Tearing Our Office Apart
  48. Avatar: Literally No One Is Asking for These Movies
  49. Avatar: Seriously, Show Me a Single Person Excited About This
  50. Avatar: No, You Can't Say the Horny Weirdo Who Wrote That Quora Post

You're welcome.

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.

James Cameron
avatar sequels
avatar sequel titles
avatar the seed bearer
avatar the way of water
avatar the tulkun rider
avatar the quest for eywa