Are you looking for a pet who requires a shit ton of attention? One who only likes to be pet in very specific places and drink water in very specific rooms? If this sounds like the level of responsibility you need in your life, we'd like to introduce you to Bruno, the seven-year-old cat who is currently looking for a home:
Bruno is great for people who love irony, because he is the highest-maintenance little potato boi hailing from a species that is designed to be low maintenance. According to a Facebook post from his temporary home, the Wright Way Rescue in Morton Grove, Illinois, Bruno is a "laid back, lazy boy." But his supposed "laid-back" attitude contradicts almost everything else about him, as outlined in the post which was supposedly written by the cat himself.
According to Bruno, he's
- Very "chatty."
- "On a diet."
- Only likes his feather wand toy (but not the others!)
I also really like playing with my feather wand toy. Not so much my other toys or scratchers, though.
- Stands on his hind legs when he's hungry (objectively a good thing).
- Will not eat unless you pet him.
- Will meow incessantly even after you've given him food, unless you are literally petting him while he eats:
I love to be pet while I eat. It took my foster mom a little time to realize what I was meowing about, since she had just put food in my bowl. Soon she found out it's because I want pets while I eats! I will still eat if you don't pet me, but I will meow more and stare at you for a while.
- Likes to be pet on his face, and will get pissed if you touch his belly, even though he likes to stand up and expose his belly whenever he's hungry.
I like to be pet on the top of my head and spine only. I know my tummy is so tempting to touch, but I would prefer if you didn't. I may swat my hand and pretend to bite if you do.
- Only drinks water if it's in a separate room from the kitchen, where the food is. Wright Way Rescue suggests putting multiple bowls throughout your house (?!?)
I never drink the water in the kitchen where my food is. I only drink the water that was put in a completely different room. If you have a larger house, perhaps put multiple bowls of water around for me and be sure to give me fresh water at least once day? Yes, I know I am EXTRA.
Taking care of Bruno seems like a lot. But then again, who are we to say that this cat is too extra? Aren't we all a little extra—with different tastes in food and our gluten allergies and our selfies and all the hobbies and people we do and don't like? Don't we all have individual personalities and quirks that make us obnoxious to some, but incredibly lovable to others? Hating Bruno would be like hating ourselves, so please adopt Bruno. Love him like you'd want to be loved—for all your flaws, quirks, and high-maintenance needs.
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This article originally appeared on VICE US.