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Monday:
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- If your bleached hair feels like bubblegum you're doing it right.
- If you are blonde people call you Malfoy, Blondie, Super Saiyan, and Slim Shady.
- Embracing change should be called embracing ridicule.
- Bleaching your hair makes your hair weak but your mind strong.
Tuesday:
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- Swords are heavier than you think.
- Using a sword requires incredible rhythm.
- I am weak and have the rhythm of a sedated child.
- Broadswords are highly impractical and insanely exhausting.
- As far as new skills go, it's pretty badass.
Wednesday:
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- Straining your eyes all day isn't good for them.
- Facerobics exist and work based on the "mind-body principle."
- The "mind-body principle" is bullshit.
- I'm fine with looking like Quasimodo.
Thursday:
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- Fasting makes you smell terrible.
- When you have a terrible diet, fasting is exhausting.
- It doesn't put you on the mainline to God.
- But it does make you contemplate your life choices.
Friday:
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- Your stomach shrinks after a fast.
- I like pizza and beer but it makes me slow.
- Eating terribly feels great in the moment, but…
- You can't sweat out the week's poison's with junk.
- Unless you consider diarrhea poison.
Saturday:
- Don't look inside pizzeria dumpsters. It is horrifying.
- Most dumpsters are locked.
- Dumpsters house lots of bees during the summer.
- If you're afraid to dumpster dive, fear not, no one cares.
Sunday:
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- People often shit themselves in sensory deprivation tanks.
- Bleached hair and epsom salts don't mix.
- Reflecting on your week will make you feel dead.