The Worst Things Leftie Men Do On the Internet

Most men currently under-35 would probably count themselves as "liberal" – whether they wear Sk8-His and play in sad bands; sell ads for a living from a co-working space in Hoxton; or have rah-ha-ha-ed themselves to staggering highs at the broadsheets after cutting their teeth at one of the Oxbridge student papers.

But if you did a Myers-Briggs test on their online activity you could generalise them into three divisions: the alpha leftie male with a loud opinion on all news events; the softlad, whose tendency towards passivity and performative allyship to women make him an arguably more insidious character; and the third, middling, type who could be mistaken for either of these, depending on how much he cares about either women or his online presence at any given time.

Regardless of which type they are, they're likely to have done something from this very incomplete list of the annoying things leftie blokes do online.

A modish take on the more traditional mansplaining: captioning a woman's post with their argument reworded, articulating their point not quite as well. Motive: the return of a like or a RT of their quote tweet; the kudos of perceived space given to women's voices (while also talking directly over those voices). Solution: just manual RT and move on.

Sometimes, women pop up on the TL talking about women's things. Or sometimes they discuss "normal things from a distinctly female perspective". One type of leftie man will absorb and learn from the conversation. This is commendable. Others will insert themselves into it. This is not commendable, and – I fear – an impulse first taught, which then becomes pathological. If his opinion is not given on every single topic, this man will sadly implode. This is law.

WATCH:

Some leftie men – a working class man, for example, or a gay man – might spend most of their time online discussing the identity politics of this one specific area, and they often have a lot of intelligent, important stuff to say. But the positive reinforcement they get online can feed into blinkered vision, blocking off other perspectives, like those of women and then they do a take on selfies and regrettably, we have to think they're shit too.

This goes under the radar, but it's very obvious if it's happening to you, a woman. You're all debating something and the original tweeter is not including you or other women equally in the conversation. It's either because you're slightly disagreeing with them, they don't feel comfortable talking to women online or IRL, or – without realising their bias – they just don't care as much about your view. Will call you paranoid if you address this.

They have a token intelligent, talented female friend, and they like that because it makes their politics and friendship circles look diverse. But! There are other women on Twitter, too, who are quite good, to follow, support and listen to. Spread those wings.

Just popping in to say 'I thought that!'. Firstly, you didn't. Secondly, your agreement has no value anywhere, and if it appears in the Women Conversation™ as an "I thought that but didn't want to say", it's worse than a straight up interjection. The opinion doesn't need your stamp on it to have weight. Like, fav, RT and move on.

A Faustian deal since the beginning of time: when a man gets cuffed by a woman he trades a handful of his seed for a new and innate awareness of gender inequality. This is quite a wry lol for friends and followers to witness, but if great blowjobs kickstart their awakening, so be it: long may this new vocal feminism continue. But the love then inevitably dies and their performative feminism ends. Where their TL was once a lush source of RTs about Irish abortion rights and definitions of fatphobia, it's now just an acrid hellscape of screengrabs from the lads' WhatsApp group.

See also: only being interested in the same issues as the women they find attractive.

Being shocked by women talking about poor behaviour from men – the sort of behaviour both women and men will have witnessed in spaces they inhabit and from people they know – is disingenuous. We get it. You want to appear supportive, but don't act like very basic occurrences are a surprise. If they are, you need more female mates. We can get the "poor bb" chat from our female mates, so don't speak to us online like we're your firstborn.

Says supportive man, to a woman he's met once or never, after she tweets that something unpleasant has happened to her. Yes, you, strange man who likes my photos and faves my Tweets, I choose to turn to you in this moment. Extended version: "I am so sorry that happened" so I will swiftly Instagram follow or slide into DMs. To check if you are one of these men, go to your Twitter likes. If most of them are of women you fancy and selfies of women you fancy, yes, you are.

If someone calls them out fairly, particularly if it's over something that makes them feel uncomfortable, they quickly fix the error with a deletion of the post and pretend nothing happened, rather than apologising or trying to take on an alternative viewpoint. The online reputation and pride is more important than self-improvement and making sure someone is feeling OK after what you said made them feel shitty.

"Down with the abusers" is the valiant cry. "Enough", the earnest tweet states. Until it's the pervy shagger in their own friend group they've always thought was a bit much, but ultimately harmless and hilarious, who does something wrong. Then: silence and later a newfound nuance to their thinking.

Kids are smug and they hardly know anything. This is why I chose not to be a teacher. But in their place, leftie men are ready to raise their hand in the virtual classroom. "That's so interesting, is there an article I could read on this subject?" in reply to your thread on gendered violence. This happens more visibly to queer, trans and women of colour, because there's even more to learn. Women are not Miss to you; Google is your Miss.

Smashing the RT on stories of sexual assault, harassment and rape is all well and good, but when, IRL, they're gaslighting women they're dating, making their female colleagues feel uncomfortable or speaking over them in meetings, not calling out bad jokes when their mates make them, or generally doing nothing to elevate women in the IRL spaces they move through, it all amounts to a massive golden shit. Women who know those men both on and offline see the disparity. That's what lies at the heart all of these annoying things, really: a lack of self awareness or wanting to examine their own behaviour.

"I loved that thing you wrote/tweeted/filmed/made so here are 98,137 thoughts on said issue and if you're ever about in Shoreditch where I know you work, I'd like to take you for a drink"

:~)

@hannahrosewens