Oh man, Fred Smoot. Once you're cut loose from the PR-friendly obligations of the pro sports world, anything goes, doesn't it? In a Reddit Ask Me Anything (AMA) staged today, former Washington cornerback Smoot really started letting it all hang out—loosely talking about Peyton Manning on steroids, Tom Brady's Gisele-powered game, changing Washington's team name to "The Presidents," and putting a non president on the helmet as the logo. More like Ask Me Whatever the Fuck is Going Through Smoot's Head (AMWTFIGTSH), amirite?
Here's a sampling of the sheer insanity that came out of Smoot's nimble fingers:
Apparently, Smoot anticipated comments about the infamous sex boat scandal, so he felt a need to cool them down before they even started, with this exquisite stickied post:
Smoot is looking out for single mothers everywhere.
His brilliant mascot idea, however, has a slight complication: Ben Franklin wasn't a president. One fan was quick to point it out:
Smoot isn't above correcting himself. Smoot is a man who levels evenly with the truth and stares it dead in the face. But speaking of presidents, Smoot also entertained one fan's question about Smoot's ambitions for total political domination.
We also learned a lot about Smoot's dick tater.
Then Smoot addressed his Rasputin-like predictions for Washington's season this year, which was more accurate than FiveThirtyEight's:
Oh, did I forget to mention that Smoot basically called Peyton Manning a fat-headed juicer and attributed Tom Brady's GOATness to his sex life?
Perhaps Smoot's most astounding moment in a seemingly endless display of Q&A wizardry, though, was this quick one-liner to take a serious question back down to the level where this AMA deserved to stay.
And if you thought this was Smoot's first rodeo, you'd be wrong. Six months ago—at the exact moment when Smoot made that Nostradamus-like prediction about Washington's 9-7 season—he also dropped this little clue to where his head's at.
Well that explains everything.