Different day, new month. Turns out there’s a lot of new streaming options this March from both Netflix and Crave. What, pray tell, you ask? How about the loonie-tuned favourite Space Jam. Or Chiwetel Ejiofor’s directorial debut with The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind on Netflix.
On the Crave end of things, there’s Aneesh Chaganty’s internet-driven mystery Searching and Denzel Washington’s return to general badassery—as if it ever left—with The Equalizer 2. Either way, there’s no excuse to not have anything to watch this month. Here’s what you should be wasting your time on.
Available on Netflix starting today
Space Jam (1996)
Director: Joe Pytka
Actors: Michael Jordan, Wayne Knight, Theresa Randle, Bill Murray
Once upon a time, a bunch of 90s-famous cartoon characters became enslaved by monsters from an alien planet. So the OG Bugs Bunny arranged a basketball game with NBA legend Michael Jordan. They win, people cheer, and the entire movie is ruined by an R.Kelly joint. The end.
A Monster Calls (2016)
Director: J.A. Bayona
Actors: Lewis MacDougall, Sigourney Weaver, Felicity Jones
So apparently a boy played by Lewis MacDougall solicits the help of a tree monster to deal with his mother’s mental illness and somehow that’s OK? It’s not as off-the-wall as you might think. Director J. A. Bayona manages to find a delicate balance between reality and fantasy without diminishing either side.
Eighth Grade (2018)
Director: Bo Burnham
Actors: Elsie Fisher, Josh Hamilton, Emily Robinson
A modern day portrait of a 13-year-old teen who conjures up a middle schooler's most dreaded enemies: zits, bullies, homework, and 0 YouTube views. Bo Burnham does a wonderful job here adding the social media generation to the timeless story of teenage angst. Good stuff.
La La Land (2016)
Director: Damien Chazelle
Actors: Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Rosemarie DeWitt
Old Hollywood will always revel in old things that once worked; take Damien Chazelle’s La La Land for instance. Ryan Gosling is our pretty boy jazz musician. Emma Stone is our aloof struggling actress. They both starred in other movies as a couple. So they meet again, fall in love, and sing gleefully singable stuff. It’s the best two hour and 8 minute Gap commercial you’ve ever seen.
Losers - NETFLIX ORIGINAL
You ever envision the feeling of losing like the Cleveland Browns or 97-98 Toronto Raptors at some point? Of course you haven’t, you’re not a Dallas Cowboy fan. For everyone else, this Netflix docu-series promises to detail the impact of losing, by applying sports as a guide to psychological impacts. Given our state of things, we may all need this.
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008)
Actors: Asa Butterfield, David Thewlis, Rupert Friend
Warning: prepare yourself for a wreckage of a lifetime because Mark Herman doesn’t play here. Plotwise, it’s about an 8-year-old son of a german concentration commander who makes friends with an 8-year-old jewish prisoner. Overtime, they both come to realize the horrors of WWII in ways children shouldn’t have to. I’ll be honest, my heart couldn’t get through the first hour, but prove that you’re better than me and give it a watch.
The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind - NETFLIX FILM
Director: Chiwetel Ejiofor
Actors: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Maxwell Simba, Felix Lemburo
Watch this for a feely good true story about 13-year-old William Kamkwamba who built a wind turbine to power his village in Malawian, East Africa. But stay because it’s Chiwetel Ejiofor’s directorial debut.
The Dark Knight Rises (2008)
Director: Christopher Nolan
Actors: Christian Bale, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway
To this day, Christopher Nolan faithfuls bicker that the last Batman entry never matched the hype. And to this day, the rest of us bicker over who’s Bane impression is best. Nolan can’t win.
Director: Daniel Espinosa
Actors: Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, Ryan Reynolds
A half decent, non terrible, comedic Deadpool-less film starring Ryan Reynolds? Stranger things have happened, like an alien-ish plot about scientists dealing with an evolving life form. But seriously, I want more Deadpool-less Reynolds.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
Director: Nicholas Stoller
Actors: Kristen Bell, Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Mila Kunis, Russell Brand
The boy we know as Jason Segal meets girl played by Kristen Bell. Girl breaks it off with boy, and boy finds a new girl. Don’t come expecting revolutionary themes here, but do expect a mushy romantic comedy by Nicholas Stoller that understands relationship trauma, and the importance of self-love.
Happy Gilmore (1996)
Director: Dennis Dugan
Actors: Adam Sandler, Christopher McDonald, Julie Bowen
You can thank this 1996 comedy for birthing the current-day man-child movement we’ve been blessed with today; think early Jonah Hill, Jason Segel and Seth Rogen. Whether or not you believe that to be a curse, this story about a rejected hockey player transitioning to the game of golf is still Adam Sandler at his best… being Adam Sandler.
Director: Luc Besson
Actors: Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Min-sik Choi
Before Bradley Cooper became the boring Mr. Fancy “director” guy from A Star is Born, he was the barely famous charismatic dude from 2011’s Limitless; the one about accessing 100 percent of the brain in the most unscientific way imaginable. Luc Besson’s Lucy is the same exact shit, just replace him with Scarlett Johansson, and add Morgan Freeman for vocal effect.
Juanita - NETFLIX FILM
Director: Clark Johnson
Actors: Alfre Woodard, Ashlie Atkinson, Adam Beach
I don’t need an explainer to persuade me into watching a film starring the iconic Alfre Woodard. But for the rest of you common folk, it’s a Netflix original about a mother who hits the road on her grown-ass deadbeat kids to find herself again. It’s the most Woodard-like plotline ever.
Available on Netflix starting March 13
Triple Frontier - NETFLIX FILM
Director: J.C. Chandor
Actors: Ben Affleck, Charlie Hunnam, Adria Arjona
The line between a theatrical big budget film and a Netflix original is so thin that Steven Spielberg can’t stand it. Directed by J.C. Chandor (Margin Call), Triple Frontier brings together an OP talented cast involving Ben Affleck, Charlie Hunnam, Oscar Isaac, Pedro Pascal, Garrett Hedlund and Adria Arjona. Details are scarce—something about the heist of a drug lord—but expect a good amount of mid-life crisis shenanigans.
Available on Netflix March 15
Love, Death & Robots - NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Director: Tim Miller
Actors: Antonio Alvarez, Hayley McLaughlin, Helen Sadler
Robots? Animation? The...Animatrix 2?! Yes, this is what this animated anthology series by Tim Miller and David Fincher is, Animatrix 2. So shut up and let me dream.
Turn Up Charlie - NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Director: Matt Lipsey, Tristram Shapeero
Actors: Idris Elba, Frankie Hervey, Guz Khan
As if being an English, six-foot-tall, ebony glossed Ghanaian wasn’t enough, now Idris Elba is reminds us that he’s a half decent DJ in this story about a struggling DJ. I give up.
Available on Netflix starting March 22
The Death of Stalin
Director: Armando Iannucci
Actors: Steve Buscemi, Simon Russell Beale, Jeffrey Tambor
A paranoid old man gets a stroke and dies in piss; the culprit? A screw-you note. This is the level of Monty Python-like humour you get from The Death of Stalin—a play on the Soviet Union in 1953. It doesn’t concern itself with accuracies and all that mumbo-jumbo historical shit. Director Armando Iannucci ( Veep) instead finds a way to make you laugh in the face of a horrifying time.
The Highwaymen - NETFLIX FILM
It’s basically a “Bonnie and Clyde” story, but from the perspective of the real-life ranger and his partner who lead the hunt for the bank-robbing murderers in the 1930s. If Kevin Costner can muster up any of that young badassery from The Untouchables, matched with Woody Harrelson’s Woody-ness, we’re in for something special here.
Available on Netflix starting March 31
17 years into the future, the world is frozen, turning just about everyone into popsicles. Those who survived live on a high-speed train called—you guessed it—the Snowpiercer. Ask me what it’s like to be on a public train during rush hour and I’ll tell you some post apocalyptic-like tales, but South Korean director Bong Joon-h (Mother, The Host) does it way better than I can.
Available on Crave in March
Alpha (2018), out March 1
Director: Albert Hughes
Stars: Kodi Smit-McPhee, Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson, Marcin Kowalczyk
Yes, this is a film but it’s also widely accepted as the greatest wolf advertisement you’ll ever see. I dare you to walk into this movie thinking it as a simple boy meets dog tale set in a prehistoric era. Before you know it, you’ll be desperate for something other than Bella, who keeps peeing on your sofa. It’s a stunning movie with eye-popping visuals that are a sight to behold.
The First Purge (2018), out March 2
The ongoing story about a dystopian future where folks commit crimes as sanctioned by the state continues. But besides the real world, The First Purge continues the horrifying possibility of what can happen if things go too far.
Teen Titans Go! To The Movies (2018), out March 9
While the most comparable film Lego Batman finds its schtick in comes from riffing on the legacies of Batman. Teen Titans Go! To The Movie on the other hand takes an even more absurd look into the antics of superhero team. If you’re still reeling from the trash that was the Justice League, this should be a welcome alternative.
Searching (2018), out March 15
A detective story about a missing teen told through the lens of technology comes off like a gimmick that would never work for more than 20 minutes. But director Aneesh Chaganty has managed to tell an engrossing story entirely around laptop screens, smartphones, and browsers.
The Equalizer 2 (2018), out March 30
Peak-uncle Denzel Washington continues his ageless campaign as vigilante, Robert McCall. You know what to expect here; guns, death, and a man who’s clearly too cool for a midlife crisis.
Available March 1
A Monster Calls
Budapest– NETFLIX FILM
Cricket Fever: Mumbai Indians– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
La La Land
Larva Island: Season 2– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Losers– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
PAW Patrol: Season 5
River’s Edge– NETFLIX FILM
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind– NETFLIX FILM
The Dark Knight Rises
The Girl on the Train
Your Son– NETFLIX FILM
Romance is a Bonus Book (Streaming Every Saturday)– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj: Volume 2 (Streaming Every Sunday)– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Disney’s Christopher Robin
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Secret City: Under the Eagle: Season 2– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The Order– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
After Life– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Bangkok Love Stories: Hey You!– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Bangkok Love Stories: Innocence– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Formula 1: Drive to Survive– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Hunter X Hunter (2011): Seasons 1-3
Immortals– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Juanita– NETFLIX FILM
Shadow– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Walk. Ride. Rodeo.– NETFLIX FILM
Timeless: Season 2
Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Terrace House: Opening New Doors: Part 6– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Triple Frontier– NETFLIX FILM
Arrested Development: Season 5 B– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Green Door– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Amy Schumer Growing– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Smurfs: The Lost Village
Antoine Griezmann: The Making of a Legend– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Carlo & Malik– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Charlie’s Colorforms City– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Delhi Crime– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Historia de un crimen: Colosio– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Mirage– NETFLIX FILM
Most Beautiful Thing– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
ReMastered: The Miami Showband Massacre– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Selling Sunset– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The Death of Stalin
The Dirt– NETFLIX FILM
Kubo and the Two Strings
Nate Bargatze: The Tennessee Kid– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Ainori Love Wagon: Asian Journey: Season 2– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Jane the Virgin: Season 5
Suits: Season 7 New Episodes
15 August– NETFLIX FILM
Bayoneta– NETFLIX FILM
Osmosis– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Santa Clarita Diet: Season 3– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
The Highwaymen– NETFLIX FILM
The Legend of Cocaine Island– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Traitors– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
El sabor de las margaritas– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series– NETFLIX ORIGINAL
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection
Tyler Perry’s The Single Moms Club
The First Purge
Oprah Winfrey Presents: After Neverland
The Woman Who Loves Giraffes
Teen Titans Go! To The Movies
The Case Against Adnan Syed
America to Me
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley
Follow Noel Ransome on Twitter.
Sign up for the VICE Canada Newsletter to get the best of VICE Canada delivered to your inbox.