Yesterday we reported that Katy Perry's new LP Witness isn't doing too brilliantly in the UK albums chart, and today it appears that the album has received yet another nail in its coffin: a negative(-ish) review on Sufjan Stevens' Tumblr.
Sufjan's take is a short but succinct treatise, which raises serious questions. Firstly, on Perry's thoughtfulness as a lyricist:
"Your words are like Chinese water torture..."
LORD JESUS HAVE MERCY
Despite Sufjan's manner of articulating – kind of like a teen with a number of cross-platform social media followers who writes "I'M SCREAMING" a lot – he does have a point. Considering that she has now evolved into Woke Katy, these lyrics from Witness track "Déjà Vu" are... not good. What I am saying is: as bad as it is to get dumped or whatever, I am unsure that it is appropriate to compare it to a literal human rights violation. Just something to think on I guess.
Sufjan, however, can relate to Katy's Christian roots, adding "And y'all thought it was weird when I wrote, "Tuesday night at the Bible study...."" And then, in the kind of astonishing logical leap that you can pretty much only make if you're a) stoned or b) Sufjan Stevens, he makes a realisation over the course of a line break:
Katy Perry was probably at that SAME BIBLE STUDY.
We probably did popcorn prayer together."
I mean maybe? Probably not, though? Although if it did happen to be true, whoever was teaching that Bible study would have a lot to answer for.
Ultimately, however, despite the implied criticisms (the "Lord Jesus"es are what gives it away), his final sentiment is one of unity and togetherness: "I love this world," he states simply, serenely, as if in imagining that he shared a Bible study with Katy Perry he has now solved the question of the meaning of life. I'm not really sure how he got here, but if I'm honest it was an honour to take the trip with him. This was a short but extremely wild ride.
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(Image by Garrison Reid via Flickr)