I Came Here to Watch Two Dogs Make Out and I'm Gonna Get It

What is Lady and the Tramp even about? Does anyone actually remember? Judging by the title, plus the general scruffiness of the boy dog and the relative niceness of the girl dog, it has something to do with class, like a Titanic-style romance, right? Setting the movie's thinly-veiled judgments about the hierarchy of various dog breeds aside, there's really only one thing to say about Lady and the Tramp: It is a movie where two cartoon dogs eat a plate of spaghetti and then kiss each other. That's the only thing that matters.

Spaghetti is a difficult meal to manage without opposable thumbs, and there's no way a dog could actually suck a noodle into its snout because it doesn't have lips to create the appropriate suction, but who cares! It happens! They do it! One dog snout smashes against the other dog snout, wet nose against wet nose, mouths still filled with the foreign strands of gluten that their canine stomachs will barely know how to process, and our child brains exploded with the sheer, unadulterated romance of it all.

Now, Disney is bringing Lady and the Tramp back for a live-action remake and there is only one question to ask: Do we get to watch some real dogs make out now, or what? They have to, right? It is literally the single, solitary memorable moment in the entire movie. If they don't, then Disney might've just as well made a remake of The Aristocats or whatever. It has to happen. It must.

The movie will debut alongside Disney+ on November 14, but this week, Disney released a clip of the infamous spaghetti scene to appease Lady and the Tramp's collective, strangely dog horny audience. And it is—wait, they don't even show us the kiss? What even is this?

The clip has everything else. The candle-lit table, the humans who bring out menus even though dog brains cannot begin to comprehend the concept of written language, the plate of spaghetti and five awkwardly-placed meatballs. It builds and builds, our anticipation growing, knowing that we will soon see two dogs awkwardly smash their snouts together for our glorious amusement, but then… Nothing. The clip ends.

This is unconscionable. This is wrong. Now we have to wait until Disney+ launches on November 14 to see the scene in full. Come for The Mandalorian, stay for what is bound to be a very uncomfortable scene of real dogs eating human food and mashing mouths. Or don't. Maybe it's best if we all just left this one alone. Sorry.