It's that time of year again when all of a sudden there's a line for the machines at the gym, your friends constantly bail on you to fulfill their sobriety goals, and you've unfollowed at least three people on Facebook, this week alone, to avoid their constant "new year, new me" updates.
But let's face it, there isn't much of a difference between this year and the last, and if you were an obnoxious drunk last year there's a good chance you're going to be the same obnoxious drunk this year if all you've done is make a tenuous new year's resolution.
Obviously it is possible to achieve a goal for the new year if you put your mind to it, but for the most part, strict year-long deadlines often make goals harder to adhere to. To prove that point, we talked to some millennials who, by mid-January, have already spectacularly failed their new year's resolutions. Good going, guys.
VICE: What was your new year's resolution?
Stop spending so much money on stupid things like Ubers.
So how badly have you failed?
Since New Years, I've spent like over $200 I think.
Jesus. What goes through your mind every time you get into an Uber now?
Fuck, I gotta wake up earlier.
Do you think this makes you a failure in life?
Ouch, that was harsh. I didn't, but now that's kind of on my mind now.
Well, I mean. How have your New Year's resolutions gone in the past?
Normally they fail. One year I said I'd eat chicken every Tuesday for a year and I did that. Everyone does a deal on Tuesdays. I like chicken.
Read More: I did all the New Year's Resolutions
VICE: What's your New Year's resolution?
My New Year's resolution was to go on more dates and be more out there with my love life. And not just dating, even something just physical or short term.
Why now that it's 2017?
I think I kind of forgot how [to date]. I want to meet new people and I have needs that I need to get satisfied. And it's all I talk about.
How's that going?
I'm still really shy. If I saw someone cute at the bar, I don't know if I would go up to them. Like, there was a cute guy in my class today, but I just sat near him and didn't say anything because I'm too shy. Maybe I'll try again in my group project.
Would you say you've failed your resolution?
Well I haven't done anything to really try to be more open. In a way I haven't set myself up to succeed. But it's still early. Some guys are messaging me on Grindr and stuff, but they're not my type. Or if they are my type, I'll talk to them for a bit and then they'll stop talking to me. So maybe I'm just weird or something.
VICE: What was your New Year's resolution?
To quit smoking cigarettes.
How long have you been smoking?
So why is this the year to quit?
I don't like it. It's a bad habit and I know it will kill me. But I caved on Friday. I was drunk and I wanted a cigarette so I had one.
Do you feel like you've failed your resolution?
Well, I kinda feel like you have.
Yeah, but … I mean I guess I technically have, but it doesn't feel like it. If I slip up every now and again when I'm drunk it's not the end of the world. I could be a heroin addict, you know what I mean? It could be worse.
Read More: What Happens When Millennials Grow Up
VICE: What was your resolution this year?
I wanted to do something called the five dollar challenge because I kept seeing it around on Instagram and Facebook. Basically if you spend your cash and you get a five dollar bill in change, you have to put that away in savings for a year.
Explain your failure.
I'd say probably a week within my challenge I racked up so many five dollar bills and I thought, there's no way I can spend on a budget by saving five dollar bills all the time because I can't [control] what kind of change I'm going to get. At the end of it I just ended up using my five dollar bills because I didn't have enough cash.
How does that make you feel about yourself?
I'm thinking I'll just use my debit card now. I don't feel bad it just didn't make sense to me.
Do you often make New Year's resolutions?
I don't know, this year I'm trying not to make any other New Year's resolutions. I just thought this one was a fun one. So yeah, after that I don't have any other resolutions.
What's your New Year's resolution?
It *was* to post a vlog twice a week.
So do you vlog a lot?
No, but It's something that I want to start doing this year.
What are you going to vlog?
I'm going to be vlogging when I go out and [take photos] and fun stuff during the week.
Hmm, does that make you cool?
No, I don't think vlogging makes anyone cool, it's just something I can do to help keep my creative juices pumping.
So how did you fail so far?
My goal was to post a vlog twice a week starting two weeks ago and I only posted one vlog. I have yet to film or post a vlog this week.
Do you think it's important to make New Year's resolutions?
I don't like calling it a resolution even though it is. But yeah it's good to set goals to do stuff. It's kind of just trendy [to make] new year's resolutions.
VICE: Did you make a New Year's resolution this year?
I tried to. My resolution was kind of to make resolutions. I tried to say I'd go to the gym, drink more water, change my diet, quit smoking, study more for the LSATs, or at least register for the LSATs.
Why did you think about all of these resolutions but not make them?
I guess they're things that I would ideally like to do in my day-to-day life. But I feel like New Year's resolutions are the things that you don't want to do. There's a reason you haven't done those things. Just because January 1st rolls around, it doesn't really change any of the reasons why you're not doing it.
Have you ever succeeded with a resolution?
Yeah. One time I was dating somebody and I said I would break up with them by the end of the year. And I did.
So do you think you'll ever start working out or drinking more water or stop smoking?
One day. When I'm a grown up.
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