Portugal's Madeira Airport was recently renamed Aeroporto Cristiano Ronaldo, and the Portuguese superstar was on his home island yesterday for a ceremony to make it all official. A whole airport named after you—it's not too shabby, really, as life achievements go, although on the list of things I'd want my own name associated with, an airport is only slightly above the department of motor vehicles. But beggars can't be choosers; anyone wants to name an airport after me, hit me up. It would be my honor. One request, though: please do not also commission and have sculpted a hideous bust of my likeness to stand out front for time immemorial.
Sweet mother of Crist.
Of all people, it should not be that difficult to create a life-like statue of Cristiano Ronaldo. He is one of the best-documented humans alive and probably about the closest humanity has come to Michelangelo's David; the man is at least 95 percent statue already. And yet somehow his own home cannot seem to get a Ronaldo statue right. You inferred correctly, dear reader, there are at least two statuary likenesses of CR7 on Maderia. This hideous bronze child of Lucille Ball, and another towering, full-size statue of the man—complete with a giant erection.
For his next statue, perhaps the sculptor should focus on Ronaldo's abs. You can't mess up perfection.