PartyNextDoor Explains to Nardwuar What Sauga Feels Like in the Night Time

Welcome to Tomken Plaza, motherfuckers.
July 10, 2017, 6:39pm

Let it be known that Kevin Durant is the greatest boon to Mississauga tourism since the Absolute World condos popped up in what passes for a downtown. By quoting the city's best-known mention in any art form, KD inadvertently created an imaginary paradise for Americans who'd never been there. The truth is that Mississauga is merely an impressively ordinary suburb that produced the human being writing this post. Also, PartyNextDoor.

In a new interview with fellow Canadian icon Nardwuar, PND gives the world the deepest game of Sauga inside baseball ever. Here is my own extremely subjective guide to the references, along with deeply unflattering Google Street View screencaps illustrating them:

Tomken Plaza

Best known from the "Break from Toronto" video, everyone I knew growing up lived ~30 seconds away from this den of low-stakes shopping and dining. Many of them still do so. It is still not cool. I get my hair cut here. RIP Blockbuster.


Now here's where some sleuthing is required. Nardwuar says "Silverthorn Park" and Party says that he went to secondary school (this is what we call "high schools"). The only secondary school that's called Silverthorn is pictured above, is nowhere near Silverthorn Park, and is in Etobicoke, which is part of Toronto and not Mississauga. He may most likely be talking about Silverthorn Park Public School, which is an elementary school. In any case, I sometimes catch the bus near the other Silverthorn. There are lots of kids. Not much else I can add, really.

East Toronto vs. West Toronto Wars

This is not a conflict. The west side has multiple municipalities contained within it and has Playdium for the gamers. The east side is just one borough and also it's not relevant to my life experiences. The winner is clear. What does Sauga feel like in the night time? Nostalgia and vague mediocrity, yeah, but it's our own and no one else will ever understand. I urge anyone reading this who is confused as shit to come visit us and experience the feelings of the 905 (the 5ive 5eeling, in hypebeast parlance) for themselves.

Phil has lived his entire life as a Mississauga wasteman and will likely die one. He's on Twitter.