Give a Canadian athlete a pair of skates and watch them go HAM.
And we're not just talking hockey or speedskating here. The nation boasts the best ice dancers on planet Earth for the past decade-plus, and that sentiment was proven once again on Tuesday as a pair of damn heroes stole the hearts of the sports world once again.
Canada's latest blade-yielding legends come bearing smiles rather than sticks, as ice dancing pair Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir shredded the competition and turned Canada into a sobbing, weeping mess of emotions. The pair captured an Olympic ice dance medal in their third straight Games after posting a record score in the short program and a personal best overall last night in PyeongChang. The internet was buzzing with pride and admiration for Virtue and Moir as the pair became the most decorated figure skaters in history with their fifth Olympic medals.
Not only did Moir and Virtue captivate the country with their performance, they may have damn-near impregnated a nation, too.
Their chemistry on the ice (and off of it) was something to behold, something to treasure. I don't even know what chemistry is, to be honest, but Tessa and Scott have it and the way they move and synchronize with each other on the ice is the only shit they should teach kids in school. They are the world's greatest romance novel, and they're not even a couple. They've made this grumpy old soul—and many like me across Canada—believe that maybe, just maybe, love is attainable. Ice dance is here to save us, friends.
Not only are we the best at having sex on ice, Canada will straight-up smash your nation in any sport involving skates. That's what Canada does. We pay high taxes, receive mediocre universal healthcare, double-fist beers at 9 AM, and and crush souls in ice sports.
Really, we're the best at every athletic endeavor that involves sharp-ass blades in any capacity. Canada will obviously dust anyone at any level of hockey (men's, women's, junior, sledge, whatever—we'll own you), but it doesn't stop there. Luge and bobsleigh are Canada's shit, too, as is short-track speedskating and various forms of figure skating—including ice dance, obviously.
Even with everything the nation has going for it right now in PyeongChang, including a few imminent opportunities for both curling and hockey gold (because of course), it's hard to imagine a pair of legends captivating a country like Virtue and Moir did on Tuesday.