Welcome to Is This Music?, where we definitively determine what does and what does not qualify as music.
If you've ever *hits blunt* thought, "Damn, is sneezing music?," well, so have we. If that ringing in your ears sounds like a beat, or if you'd throw down to the Taylor Swift remix cut with clips of goats yelling, then welcome.
Basically, if John Cage's 4'33" is "music," then what the hell isn't music? That's what we're here to decide. The 1975 track that's really just Greta Thunberg speaking? Dubious, but sure, we'll call it music. The kid saying "yeah boy" for 30 seconds straight is definitely music; this 21-minute Animal Collective "song", meanwhile, is not really music.
Music, as defined by the dictionary, consists of "vocal, instrumental, or mechanical sounds having rhythm, melody, or harmony." Clearly, there's an instrument. And yes, there is a melody. In fact, there are two: one being blown by each nostril. If you heard this without seeing the video, you would absolutely say it's music, and the only people who wouldn't agree are people who hate fun and care about "respectability."
Yes. This is more worthy of the word "music" than the surprise album Eminem just dropped.
This article originally appeared on VICE US.