Kara Crabb wrote this the morning after a heavy night of drinking in the artists’ lounge of the Montreal Just For Laughs Comedy Festival, after thinking she had sexual intercourse with Charlie Murphy but before she realized that it actually wasn’t him at all but some hack who opened up for Bob Saget.
Synopsis:A girl has sex with Charlie Murphy one night at a festival and then weeks later she learns that Charlie Murphy has died from a stroke. The girl starts to notice strange things happening in her home; the windows creaking, the cat is weird. One day when she comes home, the portrait of her father hanging on the wall is flipped around. Desperate to find answers, there is a montage of the girl in the public library researching the death of Charlie Murphy.
Then she reads the date of his stroke and she realizes that it was before the time of the festival. Then the lights go out in the library and there’s a thunderstorm. She runs home in the rain and is confronted by the dead bleeding corpse of her cat. The voices of children singing “Charlie Murphy, Charlie Murrrpphhhhyyy.” She shouts to the sky in the pouring rain “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!” And then a giant black dick emerges from the storm clouds and slowly ejaculates onto her forehead.
A glob of semen treads down her astounded face. The storm clouds begin to dissipate. “I fucked Charlie Murphy,” she says, with deep realization washing over her. “I fucked Charlie Murphy.” Then slowly Charlie Murphy’s face begins appear in the sky, transparent, with sunshine subtly gleaming through his eyes. “No,” he says peacefully. “Charlie Murphy fucked you.” The girl’s face turns bright and happy as she overfills with joy and the semen on her forehead dries and crackles away from the skin, like sunburns on white people.