Nic Cage Will Play Nic Cage in a Bizarre Upcoming 'Meta Drama'

Because it was not enough to play a motorcycle stuntman who transforms into a skeleton with a flaming skull and fights evil demons, an exotic animal expert who punches jaguars in the face, and a truffle hunter on a desperate search for his kidnapped hog, Nicolas Cage has decided to take his career in an even more absurd direction. For his next big project, he'll be starring as himself in a "meta drama" called The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, which sounds like it was written by a bunch of high school sophomores who just took their twelfth bong rip.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Nic Cage plays a version of Nic Cage who's extremely broke, has a terrible relationship with his daughter, and really, really wants to get cast in a new Tarantino movie. He winds up taking a gig at a Mexican billionaire's birthday party to earn some extra cash. The two of them hit it off, and start working on a movie script together, but—plot twist!—it turns out Cage's new best friend is actually a cartel kingpin who abducted a Mexican presidential candidate's child. Naturally, the CIA gets involved, and Cage winds up covertly spying on the guy on behalf of the U.S. government, but—another plot twist!—Cage's ex-wife and estranged daughter wind up at the cartel kingpin's house, somehow, and he… maybe repairs his dysfunctional family and rescues a kidnapped child in one fell swoop? Also, present-day Nic Cage occasionally talks to 1990s-era Nic Cage, who rags on him for throwing his acting career in the dumpster and starring in a bunch of stupid movies. This is the actual plot of this movie.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent was written by Tom Gormican and Kevin Etten, two guys who, before this, have only ever worked on comedies you've never heard of that got terrible reviews. Gormican wrote the 2014 rom-com That Awkward Moment, and he and Etten co-created Ghosted, a Fox comedy about a group of LA cops who solve ghost crimes or something. It was canceled after the first season.

Despite the fact that all signs point to The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent being completely unwatchable, it apparently kicked off a massive bidding war in Hollywood—and according to the Hollywood Reporter, Cage could "achieve a payday that would put him in the same range he was in when making such studio hits as Con Air and National Treasure." Maybe this thing is great and deserves all the cash that's being thrown at it. Maybe it'll be so bad that it's actually good. Regardless, it's real, and it's officially slated to come out on March 19, 2021. Brace yourselves.

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