This article originally appeared on VICE Sports UK.
The international break is so tedious at this point that, to be honest, we're bored of writing about our boredom. Whenever these godforsaken two weeks roll around, we find ourselves writing about how uninteresting it is, and that in itself has become uninteresting. As such, we're not going to provide you with a wearisome preamble about the arduous monotony of international football, even though we actually have, in a self-referential sort of way.
Instead, we're going to provide you with the three best goals from the past week. Helping you to get through the profound ennui of the international break, here are some magnificent, spectacular goooooals!
THE ALLEN ARROW
Joe Allen has many talents, but he's hardly known for scoring goals of great beauty. We are not talking about any old 'goal' here, but rather a strike of such sumptuous power, such unerring accuracy, that it deserves unironic golazo status. It's never too late to change one's reputation, however, and with Wales taking on Austria on Thursday evening Joe decided to do just that.
With 22 minutes on the clock and the game still goalless, Gareth Bale made a roaring run down the left. Crossing into the box, there was an almighty scramble before Joe – singular, alone, soaring like a noble eagle – smashed one in with his left foot from just outside the box. Somewhere in his hometown of Carmarthen, an old, Welsh gentleman shed a generous tear. "I knew our Joe could score bangers like that, Addfwyn," he told his wife, remembering the small, bearded child from all those years ago.
THE ONE-TWO COUP
While the conclusion of this move is nothing less than gorgeous, it is the hard-running build up which gives it true 'Goal of the Week' status. With Colombia edging towards an underwhelming goalless draw with Paraguay, Los Cafeteros were in desperate need of an intervention from one of their star men. In the end, it was two men who made the crucial breakthrough; Edwin Cardona may have provided the sweet, chipped finish which sealed their last-gasp win, but he couldn't have done it without the help of Carlos Bacca. The latter fought hard to win the ball in the midfield, before exchanging a deft one-two with Cardona and setting his teammate away past the Paraguayan defence.
From there, at a narrowing angle, Cardona provided a stylish winner, lofting the ball elegantly over the goalkeeper and sending the Colombian fans into raptures. It's that one-two which really stands out here, however. It's a moment of pure aesthetic pleasure, and we could honestly watch it all day long.
THE GUERRERO GOL-GOL-GOL!
If the previous 'Goal of the Week' contender was chosen on the merit of a sweet one-two, this strike owes its inclusion to a pinpoint assist and an inch-perfect first touch. Trailing to Argentina in the second half of their World Cup qualifier, Peru resolved to throw caution to the wind and go at their opponents with wild abandon. With an arcing, dipping cross coming from the left wing, veteran striker Paolo Guerrero found a turn of pace, sprinting onto the pass before collecting it on his chest. Having knocked the ball down in front of him, he proceeded to muscle his way past Ramiro Funes Mori and shape up to shoot.
With only one side of the goal open to him, the goalkeeper knew exactly where Guerrero was going to put the shot. That didn't mean he could do anything about it, though, not when it was hit with all the force and fury of an intercontinental ballistic missile. Gol-gol-gol!