The subway system in New York is currently broken—a "state of emergency," in fact. Delays and overcrowding have become commonplace (not to mention sex crimes), ravens are disemboweling live pigeons on the platforms, and the guy in charge of the whole system is in hiding. (This runaway bus is the state of the MTA right now, basically.) Because of all this recent trouble, it's easy to forget: The subway has always been a bit of a hellhole. And not just in New York. If you've ridden the subway anywhere, chances are you've seen some shit go down underground. Everyone has a horror story—an inevitability when you cram people together in a tunnel at all hours of the day and night. As such, we asked friends and co-workers to sum up the most horrible, stomach churning WTF nightmares they've encountered on the subway in six words. Here's that.
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"Man drops pants, poop blasts window." - Lauren, 25"Pissed on myself at Canal Street." - Larry, 29"All mine are about strangers' dicks." - Pilot, 29"Saw man die on third rail." - Eve, 23"Saw my first penis, was 12." - Eve, 23"Goth fights nurse over spilled coffee." - Eve, 23"Got robbed, had complete mental breakdown." - Eve, 23*"Train hit guy, he didn't die." - Alex, 26"Second Avenue, man pees on rat." - Peter, 22"Half-naked teens brawled in aisle." - Harry, 30"Lifted my shirt licked my nipple." - Jonathan, 33"Hasidic man made 'eat pussy' sign." - Lia, 26"Girl eating syrupy pancakes with hands." - Brian, 43"Woman painting nails, huge polish headache." - Tara, 23"Heard man raving about past murders." - Alison, 32
"Dropped her sweatpants, took a crap." - Mike, 36
"Squeaky dirty rats scampering on tracks." - Leah, 34
"Ball of hair whipping around platform." - Keith, 24
"Dude hocked a loogie on floor." - Jill, 32
"Hot. Baby wailing. Puke on steps." - Kate, 31
"Passed out bum had pissed himself." - Kyle, 29
"Some nasty asshole exposed his penis." - Jess, 27
"Whipped out dick. Peed in bottle." - Kelly, 26
"Lady left dirty diaper on seat." - Marc, 26"Two people fucking. We all saw." - Melanie, 35"Used tampon rolling around floor." - Pete, 28"Train delayed. Missed best friend's wedding." - Brooke, 36"Full on fight between school children." - Brie, 34"Rancid lo mein splattered on floor." - Noah, 23
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"Blood on several seats. Period? Stabbing?" - Jenna, 31"Several snot rockets onto train tracks." - Val, 36"Fake nails in a small pile." - Beth, 31"Awkward handjob on packed subway car." - Darcy, 29"A dirty wig on the floor." - Chloe, 25"Platform flooded. Dirty needles washed up." - Oliver, 25"Drunk guy barfing Jagerbombs and burrito." - Andrea, 32"Transphobe sees me, boards another car." - Marissa, 25"Guy got stabbed in the ear." - Arlene, 65"People who bring their snakes. WTF?" - Annie, 30"Vomited after drinking red Gatorade." - Jessica, 35"Got stuck in a closing door." - Mary, 28"Waited two hours for L train." - Joey, 32"Saw a girl fall onto tracks." - Nora, 30"Used condom on seat. I gagged." - Penelope, 26"Old man wearing shorts. Saw balls." - Lauren, 33*Eve, 23, has lived in New York City her entire life. She's seen some things.Follow Anna Goldfarb on Twitter.