We've all experienced the panic of running out of smokes in the middle of a drunken stupor.
You brought a full pack to your location of inebriation but because your friend Darcy didn't and you had to bum to him all fucking night, you're out, and you only know one thing—goddamn could you ever hack a dart right now. The resulting panic is an all encompassing one—one that will drive you to do things you normally wouldn't do.
(If you haven't experienced this because you don't smoke, whoop-dee-fucking-doo for you, you are a good, healthy person.)
This panic can force your hand into making a weird and bad decision (one that VICE in no way condones) that you think is responsible. You look at your keys but you know you're too drunk to drive and look around, out of the corner of your eye you spot something, something green, something that will take you to flavour country—a John Deere lawnmower, top speed—roughly 10 kilometres an hour. Well, you say to yourself, "this is safer than a car" so you and your lady friend load on up—it's time to ride.
This is a tale that may have happened in Manitoba at around 2 AM Saturday. It would have happened just shortly before the moment RCMP pulled over an inebriated 41-year-old man on a riding lawnmower ripping down a highway (smiling) en route to get some smokes with a 39-year-old female passenger. In a Facebook post, RCMP said that the man told them that he believed he was "being 'responsible' by not driving a car."
Well, as it turns out, A) lawnmowers aren't allowed on roads and B) it's illegal to operate any motor video while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. (As it should be.)
Police said that the man who was on the outskirts of the small rural municipality of Headingley near Winnipeg was headed towards a highway on his lawnmower. The man was arrested and charges were pending—he was "on a promise to appear in Winnipeg for court" in August.
We can only hope the cops swung by the gas station to pick up a new pack of darts on their way to book him. Buddy will need them.
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