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Music

Deconstructing Justin Bieber's Deposition

"Guess what? I don't recall."

There's something about depositions that really brings out the most entertaining side of artists. You remember Lil' Wayne waxing philosophical during his meeting with lawyers in 2013, but now we have Justin Bieber aka Biebervelli aka Biebelzebub aka Biezus in front of the camera and dropping knowledge.

Justin was in Florida because his bodyguards allegedly tried to beat up a paparazzo for what was probably a very legitimate reason. Let’s set the stage for the show: the paparazzo is named Jeffery Binion, and his lawyer, the one bothering Justin unneccesarily throughout the video, is Mark DiCowden. Justin Bieber will be played by Justin Bieber, and his lawyer, our true protagonist, is portrayed by Howard Weitzman.

Although this video clocks in at just over six minutes, the full deposition lasted almost five hours, meaning that we are currently being deprived of hours of exaggerated eye rolling and fake sleeping by Bieber. Since some people aren't blessed with the gift of being able to take six minutes out of their day to hear a religious icon speak, we've taken the courtesy of sumarizing the best parts of the deposition below: