Hey. Hi. Welcome to Insult to Injury, the place where the Noisey editors gather after we've finished our pizza and Munchkins (seriously, we have got to start eating better, this is becoming a problem) and talk about what music we've been listening to over the last five days, which is sometimes known as a "business week." This "BW" is a particularly sad edition of i2i (or as sad as a weekly music embed code recap can be) since it will be the last one featuring our guest editor Lauren Nostro before she leaves us for greener pastures. Hopefully not literally. Green food is gross. [sad face emoji, heart emoji, pizza emoji] She gets the dubious honor of going first...
Blackstreet, Blinky Bink, Ma$e, Mya - "Take Me There"
Today is my last day at Noisey. And this is not another blurb about Nicki Minaj. Today, I've decided to revisit my youth and write about "Take Me There" which features Ma$e who is still one of my favorite rappers of all time. I frequently think about how incredible it was that the fucking Rugrats movie had a theme song with Ma$e on it. Like, have you ever felt so down for a gang of cartoon babies? Probably not. Anyway, "Take Me There" is a magical journey to "that great place" and that great place, to me, is the Noisey office (with the exception of all the shit on our desks and the unisex bathrooms).
We put some really fucking cool stuff up on Noisey in the few months I've been here and for that, I am proud. I really enjoyed every time Dan would feel anxious and test his recorder by calling my cell while sitting directly across from me and try to make awkward small talk. And when Fred would pound on the desk and fist pump while watching our great fucking content skyrocket on Chartbeat (which we all masturbate to here, just FYI). And when Kim would use some weird British slang to yell about something, and then we'd hold hands and skip to get bowls of chili every other day together. And that Drew and Eric's bromance is the most annoyingly beautiful thing in the world. And that one Saturday night I logged on Twitter to see Slava posing for selfies with Rob Ford. And last but certainly not least, one of my fondest memories is looking at the wonderful collection of dick pics we've received from Ezra Marcus—a true gem amongst men.
I suppose I can write about how angelic Mya's vocals are on this Rugrats song or how Blackstreet's pitch was a bit too intense for a track intended for 6 year olds. Or how Ma$e's verse makes the Rugrats crew sound as tough as hell. But that's not really that fun to me and I really want to go drink a Lone Star beer at Mabel's across the street from our office right now. Instead, let me break down why Mya was literally speaking to me in this song:
"Sittin' here thinking about yesterday" - OK, well, I'll be doing that Monday at my new job, so it's not applicable right now.
"About what we did and how we used to play" - Really gonna miss Vinnie's Pizza playdates.
"Just the thought of you brings a smile upon my face" - This one's for you Ezra.
"That's how it makes me feel to see you everyday, whoa" - Never have I once gotten sick of seeing any of your faces everyday.
"Where we go, nobody knows" - Snack draw with Cheetos and Doritos is in the back room, FYI.
"And what we do is between me and you" - Kind of excited to say goodbye to the Vice unisex bathrooms, honestly.
"So come on and take my hand, to that special place/Where smiles come to life and dreams come true, ooh" - Smiles come to life and dreams come true at the Noisey offices.
Thanks guys, it's been really fun. You know what I'm saying?
Nicki Minaj - "Starships"
Today's track goes out to Lauren Nostro, because she is departing from Noisey and it is making me sad. Starships were meant 2 fly, and u r the greatest starship of them all, Lauren.
Drew Millard, Features Editor
| Drew on
The Flirty Nilts - "Nicotine"
I like this song. My friend Kerry Drongelhart at VICE Records made me listen to it and I like it. Now that that’s outta the way, I gotta mention how
Check It Out! with Dr. Steve Brule
has consumed my entire life, especially my way of talking, this month. My cro-worker, Eric Danggerman,
interviewed John C. Reilly
this week and I’m so dang jealous. I wish I coulda talked to him instead of that turkey, Eric. But I guess it's because I'm just a Joe Stro and Eric's a dang hunk. Check, please! This has been Dr. Daniel Broggen. Check it out!
(And also, best of luck to my other cro-worker,
. We'll miss you, old girl.)
Dr. Dangy Broden, Greditor
| Dangy on
Slime - In the Brick House
I'd almost given up all hope on Slime. I fell in love with him (wrote about him) in July 2012 when he was bubbling under with his two Increases EPs. I waited by the phone (watched his Soundcloud) and I heard very little. He didn't even pick up a pen to write (use his fingers to tweet). Time tick-tocked onwards and like a Memory Foam mattress, I eventually began to ping back into shape. Predictably, now that I'm over Slime and I've moved onto Tourist, Slime decides to swan back into my life with this mixtape. Thanks you fucker. It's about time.
Mother Love Bone - "Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns"
With all of this talk about soundtracks lately (Pulp Fiction, Romeo & Juliet, The Crow, Spring Breakers and of course Smash Mouth), I'd be down right irresponsible to mention one of my favorite soundtracks of all time, Singles. The film itself meant a lot to me, as did a good portion of Cameron Crowe's films (except recently), and the song that really burned into me when I heard the soundtrack was Mother Love Bone's "Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns". MLB was the precursor to Pearl Jam and Temple of the Dog, splitting after the tragic passing of vocalist Andrew Wood. It's a sappy one, but then again so is the film.
Rick Homie Quan - "Some Type of Way"
So, yeah, Lauren's leaving, which fucking sucks. I didn't know her personally before she started here—I followed her on Twitter, but she didn't follow me, which was strange because I have more followers than her but whatever it didn't bother me—but once she joined the group Noisey IM chat (and followed me on Twitter), it was obvious we would become #BFF, because after all, there were too many times we ate disgustingly beautiful pieces of mac 'n' cheese pizza at Vinnie's for #BFFing not to happen. What's more is that there was that time we got higher than the blue sky should allow and went to a Christmas party and sat in the corner eating the bacon buffet and laughing while people looked at us in fear. There were the multiple times I stole cigarettes from her because I "don't" smoke. There was the time we ran around a local bar with our arms flailing like children while the DJ blasted "Trophies." There was the time we quietly bonded over Dave Matthews Band. So excuse me right now, because I'm feeling some type of way. Lauren will be missed, and because of her talent, she'll no doubt be successful at her next venture. But honestly, what's most unfortunate about all of this is that she's now an enemy and because blogging is war, we'll have to cut her hands off. Good luck typing, Lauren. Good fucking luck typing.
Eric Sundermann, Managing Editor
Chris Brown feat. Lil’ Wayne, Tyga - Loyal
Having Chris Brown shit out an amazing pop song isn’t even a surprising turn of events by now, since it's like he manages to find success in spite of himself. If we were to plot out a Morality/Talent matrix, Chris Brown and R.Kelly would be stacked on top of each other in the far corner of the “Shitty Person/Very Talented” quadrant. I can’t even identify the distinguishing feature of “Loyal” that makes it slap so hard: the beat is decent but unspectacular, the guest features sound phoned in, and the whole song kinda gives off a “Rihanna hurt me, bad” vibe. But somehow, all of these mediocre-to-okay ingredients combine to form like Voltron for the finished product. Yesterday I could’ve spent six hours listening to a variety of music from a number of genres in order to expand my palette. Did I do so? Fuck no, I played "Loyal" on a loop for the duration of the day while going over my dance steps and mentally tying a red flannel shirt around my waist. I also enjoy the possibly purposeful (but probably accidental) irony of including both an ad for Ashely Madison and a cameo by Usher in a song that is chastising women for not being “Loyal.” I mean, why start being classy now, right?