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CAPS LOCK REVIEWS

The Knife's 'Shaking the Habitual' is Actively Irritating

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN ON BRUH? THERE'S A RECORD LABEL THAT CONDONES THIS B?

by The Kid Mero
Apr 10 2013, 9:10pm

*JUMPS AROUND ROOM DOING INTERPRETIVE DANCE TO THIS SHIT*

OH HEY BABY BJORKS!! HOW ARE YOU LITTLE GUYS? *PETS THESE NIGGAS ON THE HEAD* HEY YOU WANT A TREAT LITTLE BABY BJORK?

*GIVES THESE NIGGAS VEGAN MILKBONES IN ART DECO LOOKING LEGO DISHWARES*

FIRST SONG THAT CAME ON THIS SHIT I LITERALLY SAID OUT LOUD "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BJORK SHIT B?" THIS SHIT SOUNDS LIKE THE SOUNDTRACK FOR AN ADULT SIZE DISCOVERY ZONE B. REMEMBER DISCOVERY ZONE? THAT SHIT PROLLY FOLDED CUZ THEY REALIZED YOU CANT HAVE ANYTHING MADE FOR KIDS STAFFED BY MINIMUM WAGE EARNERS WITHOUT THE SHIT BECOMING A PIT OF FILTH. YO THIS IS DAYCARE MUSIC IF DAYCARE WAS FOR 30 YEAR OLD SWEDISH VIRGINS B. IF YOU LIVE IN SWEDEN AND YOU ARE 30 YEARS OF AGE AND HAVE NEVER HAD INTERCOURSE WITH ANOTHER HUMAN AND YOUR MOMMMY HAS TO GO TO WORK THIS IS THE MUSIC THAT PLAYS WHERE SHE DROPS YOU OFF B. I PUT THIS ON AND MY SON STARTED "SHAKING THE SILLIES OUT" TO THIS SHIT B FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THIS MENTAL DISORDER MUSIC.

DOG THIS IS BEYOND ME JUST BEING LIKE "THIS SHIT IS WACK" THIS SHIT IS ACTUALLY IRRITATING. ON "WITHOUT YOU MY LIFE WOULD BE BORING" NIGGAS HAVE A FLUTE COME IN AROUND 3 MINUTES INTO THE SONG THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SORORITY GIRL BLOWING INTO A BREATHALYZER WITH A WHISTLE TIP AS HARD AS SHE CAN. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN ON BRUH? THERE'S A RECORD LABEL THAT CONDONES THIS B? WHY I GOTTA HAVE A FUCKIN DAY JOB? I PROVIDE AN ASTOUNDING AMOUNT OF KNOWLEDGEDARTS TO YOUR LIFE CUZ MY KNOWLEDGE DISPENSING ALONE AIN'T ENOUGH TO SEND MY KIDS TO DAYCARE (REAL DAYCARE NOT SWEDISH ADULT DAYCARE) BUT THESE NIGGAS ARE PROBABLY PLAYING SOME SKI LODGE REDBULL MUSIC FESTIVAL IN NORWEGIA GETTING THEY DICK SUCKED BY BITCHES THAT LOOK LIKE ALEXA CHUNG WITH D CUP TETAS, AND THEY DON'T EVEN CARE CUZ THEY ON SO MUCH HIGH QUALITY DMT. I'M IN THE WRONG FUCKIN BUSINESS B I'M ABOUT TO GO WET MY HANDS AND DRAG THEM ACROSS A GLASS TABLE SO I CAN GET SIGNED TO WHATEVER FUCKBOY LABEL THESE NIGGAS ARE ON.

THIS MUSIC MAKES PERFECT SENSE IF YOU THE SCHIZOPHRENIC NIGGA ON TREMONT THAT DOES KARATE MOVES WITH A BROOMSTICK AND THINKS HE LIVES ON AN INVISIBLE BOAT. MY PALS THERES A TRACK HERE THAT IS THE FUCKIN MUSIC TO THE PART OF THE MOVIE WHERE A NIGGA WALKS INTO A DARK CREEPY LOOKING WAREHOUSE LIKE "HELLO? (ECHOES)...HELLOOOO? ANYBODY HERE? (ECHOES)" THEN A CRAZY LOOKING MUTANT NIGGA JUMPS OUT AND EATS HIS DICK OFF. BASICALLY WHAT I'M SAYING IS IF YOU LISTENING TO THIS WHEN I WALK IN YOUR CRIB I'M EXITING YOUR CRIB WILD SWIFTLY B. THE OTHER DUDES THATS THERE HANGING OUT WILL BE LIKE "IS THAT NIGGA WEARING HEELIES?" THATS HOW FAST I WILL SKATE OUT YOUR CRIB IF I ENTER YOUR ABODE ON SOME HIGH SHIT AND YOU GOT THIS WIND CHIME BABY PENGUIN DICK NONSENSE GLIDING OUT OF YOUR BOSE BLUETOOTH SPEAKER JUST WAITING TO BLOW MY HIGH OR CREEP ME THE FUCK OUT OR BOTH. OH WAIT HOLDUP I GET IT THIS IS EXPERIMENTAL MUSIC. OK NEVERMIND PAY NO ATTENTION TO THIS REVIEW THIS IS "ALT EXPERIMENTAL ALT NOISE ROCK GOTH NOISE AMBIENT MINIMALIST TECHNO" SHIT.

YEAH RIGHT ARE YOU CRAZY NIGGA? YOU CAN'T JUST CALL SOME SHIT "EXPERIMENTAL" AND THINK I'M NOT GONNA BE LIKE "THIS SHIT IS FUCKIN WACK" THATS LIKE YOU MAKING ME A PEANUT BUTTER AND BARBECUE POTATO CHIP SANDWICH AND BEING LIKE "THIS IS EXPERIMENTAL." WELL GUESS WHAT YOUR EXPERIMENT TASTES LIKE PERFORMING ANILINGUS ON A HITCHHIKING PROSTITUTE B. THERE'S TWO TYPE OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. NIGGAS LIKE ME, AND NIGGAS WHO CALL SHIT LIKE THIS AVANT GARDE AND GROUNDBREAKING. ALSO NIGGAS WHO ENTER BEARD GROWING CONTESTS AND CALL THE SHIT A SPORT. LET MY UNCLE COME TO NOCHE BUENA LIKE "YO I JUST STARTED COMPETITIVE BEARDING" WORD NIGGA? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? DID YOU GET DRAFTED BY THE OKLAHOMA COCKSMOKERS? FUCK OUTTA HERE.

I GIVE THIS SHIT 1 PILE OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE OUT 0'S TO ANY OTHER GENRE BESIDES COUNTRY MUSIC AND FOLK MUSIC. ALSO I DON'T KNOW WHAT FOLK MUSIC IS. IS IT LIKE "THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND"? NAH?

STANDOUT TRACK: THIS SHIT MAKES ME WANNA STAND OUT ON A [TRAIN] TRACK. GO LISTEN TO OJ THE JUICEMAN & YOUNG SCOOTER "PLUG PRICES"

The Kid Mero has officially dropped the mic. He's on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO