What If At The Drive-In Never Broke Up?

If you weren't around to see At The Drive-In back when they were an active touring band, it was as great as it sounds when people talk about it today. While nostalgia usually breeds hyperbole, ATDI's unpredictable live shows saw the act losing their minds—climbing PAs, slithering under drum risers, and bouncing off monitors—and not in a calculated way that's intended for viral video views (see: the Orwells) but in an honest way that reflected the urgency and kinetic energy of their incomparable brand of post-hardcore. What's even more amazing is the fact that they managed to sign to a major label and make a record that didn't suck. It finally seemed time for ATDI to knock Staind and Shaggy from the top of the charts and help birth a new era of music the same way Nirvana did. Then ATDI went on something called "indefinite hiatus."

Keep in mind that this happened during an era when not every band announced a "hiatus" when it took more than a year between records, so in a way it felt hopeful that it wasn't true. But alas, it was. Founding members frontman Cedric Bixler and guitarist Omar Rodriguez went on to form the Mars Volta who made one incredible album (their debut De-Loused In The Comatorium) and then a series of increasingly improvisational and inaccessible follow-ups before quietly disbanding. In the meantime, guitarist/vocalist Jim Ward, drummer Tony Hajjar, and bassist Paul Hinojos went on to form the post-hardcore act Sparta who eventually enlisted Engine Down frontman Keeley Davis and are apparently back together. I'm thankful for the fact that ATDI never did a full reunion tour because judging by their uninspired sets at Coachella, it just isn't the same. Additionally nothing sounds worse than thousands of dudes in white baseball caps screaming the lyrics to "One Armed Scissor" into my ear at Terminal 5 into my air via breath that smells like a urinal at the Anheuser-Busch Brewery.

Editorializing aside, we already know this story. The scenario that I'd like to propose is simple: What would have happened if At The Drive-In never broke up? What would happened if Relationship Of Command had become ATDI's Nevermind and they continued to make albums and tour as an impassioned five-piece who sounded just as good playing DIY venues with Knapsack as they did amphitheaters with Rage Against The Machine? Would we still have pop stars like Justin Bieber and One Direction who are essentially attractive flesh puppets or would inventive acts like La Dispute and Balance And Composure be the pop stars of today? Would self-centered media personalities like Kanye West continue be worshipped or would we celebrate artists who cared less about celebrity and more about their art? We'll never know, but that won't stop us from speculating.

March 2001: At The Drive-In announce their "indefinite hiatus."

April 2001: At The Drive-In put out a press release explaining that their hiatus is "definitely over" and take the Jealous Sound out on a full U.S. tour. The tour sells out instantly and many of the shows have to be moved to bigger venues. Blair Shehan becomes a household name.

July 2001: At The Drive-In start work on the follow-up to Relationship Of Command with Steve Albini at Electrical Audio in Chicago. The album is their answer to In Utero and features some of the group's best work to date including the singles "Paranormal Satirizing" and "Handstand Debutante".

Feburary 2002: The band takes a short sabbatical to Brazil to undergo a series of Ayahausca ceremonies and then release their fourth full-length, Arcade Diplomat. It surpasses the hype of the band's previous releases and makes them the biggest rock band in the world. Their tour culminates with them playing four nights at Madison Square Garden, managing to sell it out faster than Billy Joel.

April 2002: Staind announce they are breaking up, admitting that after hearing ATDI's new album they realize how shitty their own music is. They issue a massive apology to the world for releasing the song "It's Been A While" and stage a huge party where they destroy every copy of their album 14 Shades Of Grey. It's considered to be Staind's crowning achievement.

May 2002: Steve Jobs hears Arcade Diplomat and has a breakthrough that will allow him to change the rotating dial on the first generation iPod to a full touchscreen. This puts the world essentially ten years ahead of where we are now and since Moore's Law means exponential technological growth, prescient record labels come to an agreement where they will charge a fair price for new music, making sites like Napster non-existent. When 2014 rolls around, bands are selling more albums than ever.

September 2002: At The Drive-In go on a massive tour with Fugazi, revitalizing the D.C. post-hardcore act and allowing them to play to huge audiences on a $5 ticket. This spurs a new era of creativity within Fugazi and they begin to release a new album each year in its wake. One night, Rodriguez awakes in a cold sweat after dreaming of a dystopian future where people will fawn over a 17-year-old goth girl merely because she name drops Fugazi in an interview.

January 2003: At The Drive-In embark on a co-headlining tour with Metallica. Afterward, Metallica scrap their ideas for St. Anger and, inspired by watching ATDI live every night, reinstate Dave Mustaine to make The Master Returns, a triple-guitar thrash album reminiscent of their early material. Since Napster doesn't exist, Lars Ulrich manages to stay moderately likable although physically, he still resembles a cheese danish.

June 2003: The At The Drive-in side-project Defacto release their third album Ascensor Especial Introducción, which brings reggae and dub into the cultural mainstream. Godsmack hear the album and instantly break up and vow never to pick up instruments again. In an interesting twist of fate, frontman Sully Erna becomes mayor of Boston and does a pretty good job.

September 2003: At The Drive-In go on MTV Unplugged and release a special that showcases what happens when their songs are stripped-down and acoustic. Tracks like "Invalid Litter Dept." translate extremely well and the special becomes an internet sensation after Bixler climbs a support pillar and hangs upside-down from the ceiling of the venue.

June 2008: At The Drive-In take some time off the road and instead of burning out, they pursue their various side-projects and smoke enough marijuana to land a cameo in Half Baked 2. (In case you were wondering, it's even better than the original.) ATDI spend two years in the studio with Ross Robinson creating their next full-length Transatlantic Timex and the transcendent album shatters every Billboard Top 200 milestone.

July 2008: While at the top of the world, At The Drive-In announce another "indefinite hiatus." Six years later some nostalgia-ridden writer posts this piece on Noisey.

Jonah Bayer is a nostaligia-ridden writer. Follow him on Twitter - @mynameisjonah

Oh by the way, this is what Jonah looked like in college: