We Sent The Kid Mero to A$AP Ferg's Listening Party for 'Trap Lord'

The Kid Mero was prevented from drinking Hennessey straight out of the bottle by Tyson Beckford, made fun of a dude in leather basketball shorts, and generally enjoyed himself.

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Aug 7 2013, 3:00pm

All photos by Bobby Viteri

STRATADABANDO STRATADABANDO

BANDO

YO THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY NIGGA A$AP FERG BUT I WAS JUST LISTENING TO THAT SHIT AND I GOTTA SAY IT IS AN "INFECTIOUS GROOVE" HAHA WHERE DID I HEAR THAT PHRASE? PROBABLY SOME NEWSPAPER OR ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY. SHOUTOUT TO THOSE NIGGAS FOR NOT GIVING ME JOBS THAT'S WASSUP GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I'M KIDDING PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB I'M IN THE BASEMENT OF THE VICE OFFICE RIGHT NOW TYPING THIS SHIT ON A WORD PROCESSOR AND NIGGAS ONLY FEED ME COCONUT WATER AND DRE BEATS THAT THEY GET FOR FREE. I JUST ATE SOME DRE BEATS AND PRETENDED IT WAS A MEDIUM RARE PRIME RIB. PLEASE DON'T ENTER INTO A DISCUSSION WITH ME ABOUT THE DONENESS OF STEAKS EITHER B I DONT DO RARE UNLESS WE TALKING ABOUT A$AP FERG NEW ALBUM TRAP LORD.

OHHHHH SHITTTTT NIGGA I JUST BODIED THAT SEGUE!!!!

*STARTS CRIP WALKING*

RIP! RIP! RIP!

RIP I JUST KILLT THE CLUB!

YO I THINK THE EDITORIAL MANAGERIAL STAFF AT NOISEY THOUGHT THIS WAS A SHOW CUZ THE NIGGA WAS LIKE "YOU WANNA WRITE ABOUT THE FERG SHOW FOR TOMORROW?" AND I WAS LIKE "AIGHT COOL" BUT THIS WAS A LISTENING PARTY WHICH MEANS NIGGAS GOT DRUNK AND FERG INTRODUCED THE SONGS & SHIT.

YO FIRST OF ALL I HAD ALREADY HEARD "WORK" AND THE REMIX WHICH ARE BOTH FIRE, "SHABBA" WHICH IS FUCKIN' FLAMEBOYANT, (THATS NOT A TYPO THAT SHIT IS FLAMES AND FLAMBOYANT) AND "HOOD POPE" WHICH I'M TRYNA FIGURE OUT A WAY TO IMPLANT THE SHIT INTO MY EAR CANAL SO I CAN JUST TOUCH MY EARLOBE OR SOME SHIT AND MAKE THE SHIT PLAY IN MY BRAIN. SO I WALKED IN EXPECTING THE REST OF THE ALBUM TO BE OFFICIAL AS WELL, AND IT WAS FUCKIN GOOD B. I ENJOYED THE FUCK OUT THAT SHIT MY NIGGA I'M GONNA BE COMPLETELY HONEST I GOT THERE WILD EARLY LIKE A CORNBALL AND I GUESS HENNESSY SPONSORED THE SHIT CUZ HENNY WAS FLOWIN LIKE A BAR MITZVAH B. LAST TIME I WENT TO A RAP LISTENING PARTY I WAS DRINKING PATRON OUT THE BOTTLE SO I TRIED TO ALSO DRINK HENNESSY OUT THE BOTTLE AT THIS EVENT. I WAS UNABLE TO DO SO BECAUSE TYSON BECKFORD (I'M NOT KIDDING) AND LIKE FOUR OF HIS MODEL GOONS WERE STANDING AT THE BAR AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO SHOVE A NIGGA THAT WAS IN EVERY 90'S R&B VIDEO. MY GENERAL RULE IS IF YOU EVER ATE THE PUSSY OF A MEMBER OF TLC OR MARIAH CAREY OR SOME OTHER 90'S R&B BITCH YOU HAVE MY ETERNAL RESPECT EVEN IF YOU AT A LISTENING PARTY WEARING SUNGLASSES WHEN IT'S ALREADY DARKER THAN A CHILEAN MINE SHAFT IN THAT BITCH. I THOUGHT THE NIGGA HAD A MIGRAINE OR SOME SHIT. I WAS CHILLIN' THOUGH CUZ HE WAS WITH SOME GOON NIGGAS IN TRUE RELIGION SHIRTS. YO LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING WHITE PEOPLE, THIS IS VALUABLE INFORMATION. WHEN YOU GO TO A RAP EVENT, THE NIGGAS IN THE STREETWEAR WITH THE GOLD TEETH AND SHIT ARE NOT THE NIGGAS YOU GOTTA WORRY ABOUT. THOSE NIGGAS ARE NOT GOONS THEY ARE JUST HANGING OUT LISTENING TO RAP MUSIC AND BEING REGULAR COOL GUY LOWER EAST SIDE BROOKLYNITES. THEY ARE NOT ABOUT BEEF THEY JUST WANNA CHILL. THE GUY WITH NO SHAPEUP IN THE TRUE RELIGION V-NECK AND THE PHYSICAL MAKEUP OF JOHNNY BRAVO? THAT NIGGA IS A GOON AND HE JUST CAME HOME FROM OSSINING. HE'S THE UNCLE OF A RAPPER OR JUST A NIGGA FROM THE BLOCK THAT GOT BROUGHT ALONG FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF FUCKING ROOFING YOUR FACIAL IF YOU HAVE SOME TYPE OF DISAGREEMENT WITH HIS PARTY. STAY FAR AWAY FROM THOSE NIGGAS. CONVERSELY YOU COULD WALK IN, FIND THE TRUE RELIGION OR HOLLISTER V-NECK GUY THAT LOOKS LIKE HE JUST SWAM HOME FROM RIKERS, AND SMASH A BOTTLE OVER HIS HEAD. YOU WILL EITHER BE KILLED IMMEJUTLY OR NIGGAS WILL BE LIKE "OH SHIT HE JUST KNOCKED TERAVIUS THE FUCK OUT!! THAT NIGGA IS WILD!!" AND YOU'LL BE GOOD FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT.

YO BUT TRUST ME, ME DOING THE ROY HIBBERT GATORADE CHALLENGE WITH A BUNCH OF HENNESSY COCKTAILS HAD NO BEARING ON MY ABILITY TO BE ON MY FERGENSTEIN AND LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM. THIS SHIT IS HARD B. I WAS GONNA WRITE ABOUT THE NIGGAS THAT WERE THERE BUT THAT WOULD BE 12 PAGES OF SLANDER AND I'M ABOUT PEACE AND UNITY IN 2013. SUFFICE TO SAY IT WAS A MIX OF GOON NIGGAS, PYREX LEATHER SKIRT NIGGAS, GROUPIES BOTH MALE AND FEMALE, AND KEVIN LILES. NIGGA KEVIN LILES CAME THROUGH LOOKING LIKE SOME CHICK'S DAD LOOKIN FOR HER AT A PARTY SHE SNUCK OUT THE HOUSE TO GO TO. WHEN I FIRST GOT THERE THERE WAS A NIGGA IN FUCKIN' LEATHER BASKETBALL SHORTS LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO ENTER A HOOP IT UP TOURNAMENT WITH THE NIGGAS FROM WHITESNAKE.

BY THE WAY IF YOU WERE THERE I WAS THE NIGGA THROWING AN X UP WITH MY ARMS AND PROCLAIMING "HAAAAAAAAAANH!" ON EVERY SNARE WHEN FRENCH MONTANA VERSE ON THE WORK REMIX CAME ON. BYE AMERICA. PAYPAL ME MONEY.

The Kid Mero is a renowned scholar and academic specializing in the field of #KNOWLEDGE. He's on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO