LOL. Someone pass her a protein shake, some fries, and P&J sandwich and a burger pls. Thx.
Like most people last night I spent part the time shouting at the TV, part the time, shovelling food in the vicinity of my mouth (and missing), and a lot of the time scrolling through Twitter and Instagram. Below are the best pics from said scroll-time. Three cheers all round and a glass of champagne for the uber fast pic-stitching/photoshopping pop culture vultures.
Rihanna's dress stole the show—no question. It oozed over the seats, it allowed her to smuggle in a small squadron of orphans for a once in a lifetime treat, and it meant that she could eat and drink whatever she wanted. After all those form-fitting gowns her body must've been like, "YASSS! Feed me! Never contain me again! Spanx off! I'm gonna paunch out." As if Rih ever even poured her ass into Spanx. But yes she did look like a hot pink loofah, but also people got very creative with their other comparisons. Sidenote I: How cute are Rih and Sam Smith? Side note II: Isn't it weird that some people are born with really big heads and others, not so much?
As ever, Arianna accessorized her attire with white pumps and a freshly inhaled, perma-expression that read like an inner mantra: "My flatulance does not control me. My flatulance does not control me."
Everyone knows the best way to get famous when you're just famous enough to get an invite to the Grammys, but not famous enough for anyone to know who you are, is to dress in a side-of-the-highway fence. Joy Villa—whose recent credits include Detective #6 in Into the Woods and Prostitute in The Confidant—turned it out and this 'grammer crowned her #FDU, which I legit had to google. Fresher Than You. KK. Got it. Looking breezy. Elsewhere, Miley goes ahead and cops a feel. Bravo. Speaking of KP…
KP's sharks are the meme that keeps memeing.
Madonna brought her mesmeric thighs of steel, a trace of camel toe, and some much need dancing to an otherwise, relatively static set of performances. Also I do love that she doesn't mind flashing her hoiked up ass to whoever. You're welc, Tony Bennett. Interesting choice of hashtags there…
Were they giving out complementary self-tanner spray sessions backstage? All the older men, and GaGa, came out looking like they lived in Springfield. Again props to Gagais2fab4you not only for the Instagram handle, but also for that turkey caption. Yum, turkey.
Let's be real though, Sia killed it. Her perfomance was hands down the best. I love that she doesn't show her face anymore and stands in the corner of the stage like she's that dude at the end of the Blair Witch Project. She's a powerhouse songwriter with nearly 20 years under her belt crafting significant smashes for others (Katy Perry, Beyoncé, Britney), not to mention her own solo career before shit went next level a few years back All of which means she doesn't have to play the game anymore; she's making the rules and we're lapping up the spectacle. And it is a spectacle. Step aside with your poetry Shia, let Kristen Wiig and that insanely talented kid go interpretive. Also, seriously considering getting that haircut. The one on the left, obviously.
But back to the outfits. Nice spot with Joe Jonas as Pee Wee. Nerd chic is always a safe bet. I did love the cut of Tay-Tay's dress, but I'm pretty sure 12 mermaids were slaughtered to make that gown. Poor Ariel. Also—Barbie wants her heels back.
When Prince appeared I actually gasped. Bravo for not only by saying what he said, but by showing up in a shimmering tangerine moo moo and making this face, so aptly captioned by… probably not by Sky, but she 'grammed it anyway.
Couturehairshop nails the weave/Ciara comparison. Nice plug for those high class extensions too. Minaj hit it out of the park with this black shimmering number, even though in both of these shots it looks like she's been replaced with an alien fembot Minaj. Very Mars Attacks! with her expression and stance.
Whoever styled Iggy did an excellent job selecting a dress with just the right amount of cut out detailing—her flesh was tastefully contained and peekaboo revealed. She left her sartorial flair for hoochie at the door. I still think it's a crying shame that she didn't perform "Fancy" with Charli XCX. That would have livened shit up considerably. Speaking of Charli, she showed up as…
The female embodiment of the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland?
Kim Taylor Bennett is on Twitter.