What $2,000 in Rent Will Get You in Canada’s Biggest Cities

These days a patch of grass and a chain link fence is all you can really hope for in a home.

Canada's biggest cities—especially Toronto and Vancouver—have been getting a lot of attention for their soaring real estate rates. Houses in Toronto now average $730,000, rising faster than Vancouver, where homes now go for an average of $897,000.

There always lurks a seedy underbelly to any desirable destination. Not everyone can afford a one bedroom $2,500 a month condo overlooking the waterfront. Stats Canada noted that in 2014 about 4.9 million people (1 out of 7) were living below the poverty line. For those of us on a budget, what kind of rentals are available in these high-priced cities? Unless you're willing to move to Montreal, the options are pretty sad: [$920 / Bachelor / Kensington Market / Toronto ](https://toronto.craigslist.ca/tor/apa/5949073228.html)

Located in the desirable Kensington Market area, this dimly-lit first entry screams meth lab and boasts a sink that's nearly merged with the stove and not one, but two photos of the built-in bathroom shelf. There may not be pictures of the rest of the unit, but rest assured that it's within "crawling distance" to the nearest "veg and fruit store." Rank: 1 bedbug out of 5. $1,850 / One Floor / The Annex / Toronto

Toronto rentals are notorious for price gouging. It's overpriced for what it is: a converted attic. Admittedly the place is in one of the best areas in the city and while it is bright, there's no way that it's 1,000 sq ft unless half of it is on balcony. For just under $2,000, you get the luxury of sleeping in your kitchen and marinating overnight, every night, in the musk of the rotting vegetable juices lurking on the bottom of your fridge. Rank: 3 sushi restaurants out of 5. $1,750 / 2 Bedroom / Queen West / Toronto

A general rule when apartment hunting is that if a listing doesn't have photos of the unit, it's probably because it's so small it could serve as a makeshift prison for your soul. Thankfully this expensive as shit listing is honest: this is it. A concrete cell so cramped you'll feel like you're in solitary confinement. But at least you don't have to leave your room to do laundry. Rank: 2.3 conjugal visits out of 5. $1,300 / 2 Bedroom / Burnaby / Vancouver

Vancouver listings seem marginally less gross but still pretty overpriced. This unit is 600 sq ft and in aparment terms that would make the "bedrooms" about the size of a closet (if you're lucky). This means that you and your housemate will be having a lot of unwanted interaction. Maybe they're the type that has a lot of random hookups and you've had to give an awkward up-nod to their latest on one too many occasions while you're just trying to enjoy your Fruit Loops before heading off to class. Rank: 2 moon emojis out of 5. $1,350 / 1 Bedroom / Main Street / Vancouver

Sometimes it seems like apartments were made for the lonely. This space is made even sadder by the restrictions set out by a landlord that seems bent on keeping you prisoner. This one specifies that it's, "For a quiet responsible person," and doesn't want guests around. For that price why couldn't you have a friend or two or seven over? Futons are meant for threesomes. And a single bed? That's perfect cuffing season cuddles, or an ideal excuse to send your booty call home early on hot nights. And the aggressive "NON-SMOKER, NO PETS, NO DRUGS" should be a red flag for anyone looking to reasonably enjoy their new cell, I mean home.

Rank: 1.8 coke-fuelled orgies out of 5. Meanwhile in Montreal … the listings actually boast livable space with reasonable rates in prime neighbourhoods where the plaster isn't falling from the ceiling and not every room looks like a mortuary. $1,800 / 4 Bedroom / Milton Park / Montreal

Note that this is the first time we've seen a full-size kitchen that doesn't make you feel like you're trapped in an oversized slow cooker. Bless Montreal. Truly this is a space where, with the right people, you can really start to spread your wings, feel alive, and not have to sleep with your head beside your toilet. For just $450 a person you can live in one of the nicest areas with corner stores that sell booze, a 24 hr poutine place, and a strip club all within a one block radius. Are you sure you even deserve that? Rank: 4 boobie tassles out of 5. [$1,190 / 2 Bedroom / McGill Ghetto / Montreal ](https://montreal.craigslist.ca/apa/5953104974.html)

Are you someone who likes their space and perhaps even flushes the toilet after use? This last entry is bright, beautiful, above ground and hopefully doesn't contain too much asbestos. Again located in arguably the best area for a great price, Montreal keeps winning on the livability front amongst Canada's biggest cities. Those mobsters must be doing something right. Rank: 5 probably too good to be true's out of 5.

So there you have it, for the extra $1,000 you're paying a month for a shit box in Toronto, you could get a train ticket to Montreal for you and three friends, hit up Osheaga and just never leave.

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