No, Sabyrtooth. No.
Well shit, we have a real mystery on our hands. Yesterday someone handed me what appears to be a homemade musical recording (Best Buy purchased jewel case, laser ink CD label) by a band named Sabyrtooth and said something about how the band is addicted to heroin and is selling all of their worldly possessions online to be able to keep buying more and more and more and more heroin. The only problem is that I can't find this band on the internet anywhere. Did their addiction get the best of them? Have they shuffled off this mortal coil, leaving only this five track home recording as a clue to the life they lived? If that's the case, then we need to explore it to the fullest.
- Track one of this EP is called "Laugh Until I Die" (foreshadowing!) and the lady singing it sounds like she's shooting up in between her toes right then and there, making up the song as she goes along. The lyrics talk about climbing mountains and stepping out into the ocean - things you can only truly enjoy when you're NOT on heroin.
- Track two is called "Blue" and I had to stop it and start it again three times because I kept cracking up at the beginning, right where the lyrics kicked in, and then my co-workers would interrupt to ask what I was laughing at, and then I'd have to start it again. I can't understand what the lyrics are, but to the best of my knowledge they go something like "I'm lying in my bed, to skell in my head, I'm not red, let's get ready." Does anyone know what this means? Is this a heroin thing?
- TRACK THREE IS MY JAM!!! Seriously, this is the best. This song is called "Mickey Mouse T-Shirt" and it includes a lot of cussing about someone's Mickey Mouse T-shirt and how the singer is PISSED about it. The chorus goes: "you, standing there in your fucking Mickey Mouse t-shirt, uh huh." Shit, lady. I mean ...
- Track four is called "Flying Across the Ocean." Herrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn.
- Track five is an instrumental because I think at this point in the recording process they just couldn't even form words anymore.
Seriously, can someone help me find Sabyrtooth? Are you out there? Are you reading this right now, Sabyrtooth? We wanna know if you're okay.
See that picture up at the top? That's what came up when I did a Google image search for Sabyrtooth. Is this your cat? Please don't give that cat heroin. I WILL report you.
Previously: Why Are You Doing This? The Dark Monk