The Oosterhoff-inator is back at it again.On Friday, Sam Oosterhoff, the youngest MPP in Ontario history found himself in the middle of the lamest election finance controversy in recent (and possibly all) time. For a backbench rookie MPP, the 19-year-old Oosterhoff is now well known because of his record breaking win and his, at first, staunch social conservative views.So, it seems odd his nomination for the 2018 election will be challenged, again, by Tony Quirk, a member of the Ontario Progressive Conservative Party's executive. In last year's by-election, Oosterhoff defeated Quirk soundly and the 19-year-old also has the support of Tory party leader Patrick Brown on his side, but still, the lil' social conservative is in for a fight.
Advertisement
So, in order to start building a war chest, he took to Go-Fund-Me to attempt to raise $50,000 for his upcoming campaign. The thing is, well, some pondered that you might not be able to do that under Ontario's election laws because of the option to donate anonymously on GoFundMe, which Oosterhoff and his fam were quickly told about on the ol' Twitter machine.When challenged on Twitter over it, Oosterhoff's bro Aaron said that the anonymous donations are not really anonymous because "names are submitted, just not public on GoFundMe page." This actually seems to be true. Furthermore, Elections Canada told a QP Briefing reporter they have no issue with it, and other politicians have successfully used GoFundMe or other crowdfunding sites for similar reasons.No matter if there was any rule breaking or not, the prospect of looking shady must have spooked Canada's littlest MPP as the GoFundMe page was quickly shut down and most tweets referencing it were deleted. But in the time it was up, Oosterhoff raised a cool 275 bucks.Anyhoo, we here at VICE decided that we would help our homie out with some suggestions about what he could do with the sweet, sweet, 275 bones burning a hole through his pocket.
A bunch of Lemon Gin:Look at young Osterhoff—sweet, sweet Oosterhoff—this is a man who homeschooled so fucking hard that you just know he's starting his partying phase now. Now look into his eyes, deep into his sparkling eyes, and tell me that it is not a sure fire conclusion that this man's favourite party drink is Lemon Gin.
Advertisement
This man loves Lemon Gin and for his secret little bangers he could get 11 bottles of the sweet, succulent nectar that gives him hope—Gilbey's Lemon Gin. Available at a LCBO near you!
One framed print of his head on David Hasselhoff's body:You know young Sam is fucking sick and tired of all the David Hasselhoff jokes lobbied at him by his fellow MPPs."Hey, Oosterhoff, save any damsels today?" "Hey Oosterhoff, I hear you're big in Germany." "Hey Oosterhoff, that video of you getting slammed off lemon gin and eating a hamburger off the floor was real sad."So, in order to seem like a good sport and shut those idiots up, Oosterhoff could buy a big framed print of his head on David Hasselhoff's body for his office. One he could look at and laugh through gritted teeth, "The Hassel(Ooster)hoff is to the rescue!' before going to his desk and weeping softly underneath the glow of Hasselhoff's hunky frame.
Some books and an internet connection:You're going to be heading into battle mon ami, you might as well read up on like The Art of War, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Growing Up is Hard, What's Going on Down There?: A Boy's Guide to Puberty—if none of those work, hell, there is always The Secret.Adding that all up you even have $181.24 left over, and you know what you can do with that? Get an internet connection, yay!Here, on the interweb, you will be able to google Election Ontario— not saying that you did anything wrong big guy—just saying that, you know, maybe it would be in your best interest to do a little light reading before you launch your next donation service.All photos of Oosterhoff are composited. Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter .