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Normally, to casually check in with a friend, Iâd walk up to them in person and give them a hug, pull away with one hand still on their shoulder, give them a little squeeze, and say, âSo whatâs up!âBut now hugging and shoulder pinches are illegal due to germs. Thatâs a bummer, but a small sacrifice to make in order to keep our friends and neighbors and grandparents from getting sick. We can all make it a few months without patting our buds on the shoulder. There are other good ways to get in touchâlike with a letter in the mail, a FaceTime call, or a simple text. If you choose to go the third route, I humbly offer you this suggestion: Donât start by saying, âHow are you?â to your friend; go, instead, with âVibe check?âTo be clear, âhow are you?â is kind of a bad way to check in on a friend at any time, not just during a global crisis, when no one is really doing all that great. Itâs one of those âthingsâ people say reflexively, like âgesundheit!â after a sneeze, or âexcuse meâ upon bumping into someone (haha, remember bumping into someone?). Itâs maybe only useful in a setting like a big concert, where the only response is cheers, or in a celebratory context, when you know the answer is going to be, âIâm great!â
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In normal times, the phrase is forgettable and rote; during a pandemic, it feels loaded and ominous. Itâs also burdensome; we are all âat capacityâ right now, so to speak. Being asked to reflect on our current state and then report it back to someone is too much these days. Nothing in anyoneâs tiny world is changing much, and certainly not for the better. Having to run through a list of ways in which your life has stayed bad or become worse, just to be able to have a conversation with your well-meaning friend, sucks eggs.âVibe check?â, on the other hand, is gentler and also more fun. It doesnât necessitate much inner reflection at all. Thatâs because a âvibeâ isnât one concrete thing, as vibes transcend meaning. That works in âVibe check?ââs favor; itâs up to the receiver to determine what constitutes the vibe. The response to a vibe check could be, âjust made some mac ân cheese; good vibes.â Or maybe âthe vibe isnât great today tbh,â or âvibes are decent.â If itâs clear the vibe is so bad that your friend needs to talk about why that is, you can do that. Otherwise, you can both move on and talk about other things, like how thick your eyebrows have grown in quarantine, or how your ex is astral projecting with a toy kaleidoscope on his Instagram story. These are the conversations we want to have, and âHow are you?â is a brutal and unnecessary gatekeeper to them.If âHow are you?â personified is a therapist in a dim room, sitting across from you in an ergonomic chair as they invite you to bare your soul, then âvibe check?â is a cool guy riding past on a skateboard into the sunset and hitting you with a shaka sign. Be the vibes you wish to see in the world; be a person who vibe checks.Follow Hannah Smothers on Twitter.