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Basketball

LaVar Ball's AAU Team Got Trounced by 52 Points Yesterday

Maybe that'll shut him up for a second.

by Liam Daniel Pierce
May 28 2017, 11:19pm

I've been reticent to post anything about LaVar Ball in the past couple of months. On principle, mostly. Every other outlet seems to be ignoring the golden internet rule: do not feed the trolls. Not feeding the trolls—aka: ignoring foot-stamping babies who say ridiculous shit so that you don't have to hear them spout even more ridiculous shit— is a very healthy practice that can do things like, prevent fascist dictators from running your country.

But sometimes, some comeuppance happens to those attention-seeking trolls of the world, and you can't help but bust out some marshmallows and make s'mores off of their trash fire. Such is the way with LaVar Ball and his Big Ballers team's ego-crippling 109-57 loss to the Compton Magic yesterday in the Amateur Athletic Union. Sweet, sweet schadenfreude.

There are a lot of details I could mention about this hilarious flame-out for baseless, shit-talking Ball and his team's utter disaster of a loss, but I'll just start out with this quote, which came from Ball to a player shortly after Compton went up 50 points. Per USA TODAY:

"This ain't nothing but entertainment. You want to know what I'm going to do when I get out of here? I'm going to get a burger, lay down and take a nap.''

In the past, LaVar Ball has gone on rants about how he could beat Michael Jordan one-on-one, and about how his son Lonzo—an unproven, albeit projected top-three draft pick—is better than Steph Curry. Not to mention his litany of other preposterous hypotheticals. But eating a burger and taking a nap actually seems like something Ball could actually manage for once. So let's keep those expectations right where they are, huh?

While, no, it's not great that the kids who played under Ball suffered such a crippling loss, let's be perfectly clear: this is about LaVar Ball here.

Thankfully, James Harden was on hand to witness LaVar's embarrassment, as Compton threw down twelve dunks on Ball's Big Ballers—the crowd chattering gleefully at each laceration to Ball's team. And for good reason. Ball apparently had been talking shit about Compton in the lead-up to the game, including saying that high schooler Timmy Allen—who last season racked up 92 points in a game—couldn't guard Ball's son LaMelo for the life of him. Allen reportedly wiped the court with LaMelo all day and understandably went over to the bench at one point to give LaVar the business.

Things got so bad that, according to USA TODAY, that Ball was actually silent for parts of the game—a rarity—just grinning his way through it. Here's a clip of the complete nonsense that Ball was espousing when he did talk:

How'd that work out for you, bruh?

In some ways, I'm glad that people like LaVar Ball exist in the world. You could call him a caricature, sure. But can you look me in the face and say you couldn't find a LaVar Ball just down the block from you, shooting hoops at the local park? LaVar Balls are everywhere, and, while they doesn't deserve every word of theirs inked in headlines across the sports pages, to ignore the LaVar Balls of the world is to ignore a crucial aspect of the game. So it's ok to let him talk shit every now and then—so long as you give him the business back: your team got absolutely clowned, LaVar, you fucking JC Penny-brand hack.

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