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Festival Fit: The Washboard Abs of VELD Fest

These people will have you mirin’.

by Ani Hajderaj
Aug 7 2014, 8:40pm

For some people the dance floor is their church, but for others the gym has become their place of savior. Music festivals at this point have become a convention where bros can showcase their aesthetics and also take advantage of their cheat days.

I haven't touched a barbell in a few years now and climbing a flight of stairs could very well give me a heart attack, but I was intrigued by how some people can achieve these sculpted bodies leading up to a festival. Needless to say, I think Zyzz was staring down from heaven and smiled in pride and joy at those carrying on his legacy. This is festival fitness with THUMP at Toronto's VELD Music Festival.

Spencer: He does crossfit on a competitive level and was in the military for six years. He currently studies health and fitness in college. Spencer doesn't have a pre-festival ritual, but he likes coming out to escape reality through music. He helps people train as well; if you need anything give him a shout on Twitter: @BarlowBarbell.

Josh: This guy dedicates six out of the seven days a week in high intensity workouts. To maintain his shredded aesthetics he counts his macros and 12 weeks leading up to the festival he goes on a strict dieting regime of cutting calories from 4,500 a day to 2,400 a day.

Mateo, Marcus and Ron (left to right): These guys keep it simple by doing circuit and weight training. Their festival routine is regular hydration and keeping their carb count low.

Team Canada: These guys are hardcore. They wouldn't reveal their workout secrets, but crushing beers and drinking protein shakes with vodka keeps them looking monstrous and ready to rage. Their pre-rave routine includes "eating Cialis and Viagra like skittles then banging broads at the hotel room." Mirin'.

Mark and Valerie: Mark also wouldn't reveal his secrets however, before heading to a festival he will do higher reps of everything to get the veins popping and abs looking shredded. Valerie doesn't work out, but she maintains a sexy figure with McDonald's... somehow.

Megan: This warrior princess trains twice a day and also rides horses. Additionally she competes in bikini contests that take about 13 weeks of preparation. Her abs are so shredded I can grate cheese over my nachos with them.

Cyrus and Kouroush: These bros train hard. Cyrus trains at a modest four times a week while Kouroush spends six times a week at the gym. Before a big festival they like to cut down on the carbs and do some cardio. They also told me about this towel exercise that involves having one person holding the middle and the other pulling the ends, this is done to achieve maximum level of shredded aesthetics.

Eric and Alex: Both of them graced VELD Festival with their shredded physique. Before heading to an event they get up early to pump themselves up with a push-up competition.

Mike: This mustached fellow eats right and partakes in volume training that comprises of eight sets of reps with 30 seconds rest in between. Before the big festival he will use watershed pills for three days to give him the most shredded look humanly possible. Good work.

Ani doesn't even lift, but his pre-festival ritual includes a balanced diet of red bull and cigarettes. Follow him on Twitter @AniHajderaj.

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