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Travel

America's Worst Beaches

We went through Yelp reviews around the country to find the beaches that made Americans the angriest.
Not sure where this is, but this is a bad beach. Photo via Flickr user Emilian Robert Vicol

The best part of summer is sitting quietly in your home with the air conditioner on. The second-best part of summer is going to the beach, which is like a park but wetter. What's not to like? Lie on a towel, throw yourself into the salty water, build a sandcastle, buy an ice cream, collect seashells, dig a big hole to sit in, secretly drink vodka from a thermos, lose track of time, run along the surf until you don't know where you are, harass a lifeguard, argue with seagulls, pass out in the sun, wake up sunburned with the cops standing over you. The beach!

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Even your average beach is a better place to be than, say, a pretty good grocery store. Even the worst beach in the country is better that the best DMV. The best beach, if you're curious, is probably in Hawaii or Florida or New Jersey, according to travel websites, but you don't have to fly to some other state to find a good beach—just walk in one direction until you hit water.

Compiling a list of great beaches is as easy as googling "list of great beaches." But what about America's crappiest beaches? Where are those murky gems? Their sands may not be white, their water may not be azure, their vistas may not be free of stray dogs eating something unidentifiable, but they, too, are worthy of acknowledgement.

To compile this list, I trawled Yelp for the lowest-rated beaches (it's really hard to score below a three out of five if you're a beach), then highlighted some of the angriest reviews. Again, these beaches are probably all fine, but they are notably subpar for their respective areas. I mean no disrespect here, mostly I just think it's funny to read people complaining about beaches.

Manhattan Beach, Confusingly Located in Brooklyn (3 Stars)

Tommy K has a lot of issues: "Trashy beach meaning lots of trash on the beach—broken glass, plastic bags, chicken bones and wrappers of all sorts—and it makes its way into the water everyone! Do you want to swim in trash? Some people don't mind, but I do.

The water is dark, very dark. I wonder if people even go out far enough to piss.

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Police patrol the area for alcohol, so beware."

Dre D has some good points as well: "The sand is whatever…. THE BATHROOMS!!!! GOTTT DAMN!!!! I might as well piss on the floor. The WATER!!!!!! GOTT DAMN!! as I stepped through the dry sand heading to the wet part.. I looked up and as I looked up about 800 meters out I see 4 oil rigs just sitting there. WTF? The water was and is filthy!"

STONESTEPS BEACH, IN ENCINITAS, NORTH OF SAN DIEGO (3.5 STARS)

Stonesteps Beach, which seems pretty nice actually. Photo via Flickr user Scott Durgan

Michael B makes what seems like a savvy attempt to keep his beach crowd-free: "Because the beaches are at the bottom of large bluffs, be in shape. The bluffs are unstable and the beach smells like old seaweed. Tourist should stay away."

Lisa L continues Michael's project ,and I think is making fun of Carlsbad? There are definitely some complicated SoCal beach politics at work here: "A few years back part of the bluff fell on and killed a sunbather. Much safer beaches can be found in Carlsbad. Also stairs are very steep—If you are looking on Yelp for a beach—You are more of a Carlsbad type beach goer ;)"

Vincenzo M raises valid points: "There are no showers, rest rooms or other facilities at the steps and limited lifeguard service… If the tide is high, there is no beach!… There are a bunch of old people (with nothing better to do) who constantly hang out at the steps and scrutinize everyone like a hawk. Even very minor infractions are immediately reported to the Sheriff."

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Brock J honestly did not like it, and it doesn't seem like he's part of an anti-tourist whispering campaign like Michael and Lisa: "Awful beach. Bugs everywhere, seaweed EVERYWHERE on the beach."

Bryan Beach, Near Houston (2 Stars)

Michael H was inspired to sarcasm, which is not a good sign: "Avoid at all costs if you do not like brown water and walls of decaying algae."

Carola M has a story of confusion and pain to tell: "When my mom and I arrived to this beach we were thinking it was the beach where we were trying to go, but we noticed we were at the wrong beach. It said Bryan Beach and not Quintana Beach. We went in to take a look, and you can clearly tell that no one takes care of this beach. There was seaweed everywhere there is not even that much space to put up a tent or to even park your car, and there was trash every where. It was in very bad shape, and I am never going to come back here again."

Hobie Beach, Miami (2 stars)

Hobie Beach has a nice view, at least. Photo via Flickr user osseous

Allison F does not like this beach: "Not good. Not good at all… Literally two feet of sand connect the parking lot to the shoreline, and the sand is infested with inch-long chips of broken beer bottles and other glass parts. You can't take your shoes off unless you want to get sliced up.

Also buried in the sand is miscellaneous trash, including what looked like old chicken wings; really could have been anything as I didn't get a close enough look before my dog devoured it. YUCK."

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A D has similar complaints: "The water and shore line is thoroughly disgusting. There were tonnes of litter and dead seagulls (skeletons, decomposing) that were all over the shore. The water was murky and brown with lots of broken glass, broken coral, seaweed. Thank god I had my eye on my puppy as she was sniffing around the dead birds."

Marilyn M appreciates that there aren't many dog beaches around, but has some questions: "Why was so much money spent on improving the parking lot if the main attraction was going to be completely neglected? Why aren't there any posted signs with rules and regulations (regarding dogs, trash and prohibited items such as glass), why aren't there any waste baskets closer to the beach? Why is this beach OBVIOUSLY never cleaned up?"

Dempster Beach, in Evanston, Illinois (2 Stars)

People have some problems with Dempster Beach. Photo via Flickr user Mark Ordonez

Kristen W says this beach is run by the MAN and also has a socioeconomic critique: "This could be a very lovely beach if it weren't for two things: obnoxious, nanny-state lifeguards and a high entrance fee. Daily passes (or 'tokens') are $8. You can purchase season passes as a resident or a non-resident however they are pricey. I guess this is why there is no diversity on this beach."

D A agrees with Kristen W, and maybe they should start a petition or something: "A free beach is a benefit to the community. It's a public resource. It would bring more people to the beach and to the surrounding areas and businesses. Oh wait, sorry; if it's free it might bring poor people, and we don't want them, do we, Evanston? What if the poor people come to use our sand."

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Steve R has a review that shows everyone, no mater his or her politics, hates paying for the beach: "I live in Evanston and pay thousands of dollars in property taxes and I have to pay to use my city's beaches. So if my brothers family and mine use the beach for one day it cost over 100 dollars. This is typical liberal nanny state government. From life guards to the police all they want to do is harass and fine you. So that the government employees of Evanston can retire with nice pensions at the age of 55. I have put my place up for sale and I am moving. This town sucks worse than Chicago."

Bastendorff Beach, in Southern Oregon (3.5 Stars)

Julia R says that this beach is bad: "Well, the plan was to go to the beach yesterday, not an ashtray…. Yikes, Parks Department! Cutbacks much??? This place was FILTHY! Rusty nails, broken glass, beer cans, bottle caps, cardboard carriers for 6-packs of beer, the remains of fireworks, baby binkies, condemn wrappers, and cigarette butts everywhere!"

Tommy C is more relaxed: "Just an average beach. Nothing really to rave about."

Doheny State Beach, South of LA (3 Stars)

A nice view from apparently not a very nice beach. Photo via Flickr user Charles Wagner aka ChumpChange

Shana M summarizes the problem with this beach, which does actually sound like a pretty bad place: "Probably one of the dirtiest and worst beach in OC !!! We paid $15 for parking to get in just to find unmaintained beach."

Thomas G explains further: "Toxic beach. I'm new to the area and started coming down there and trying to swim a little bit and get back into the ocean. I noticed every day after I swam it took 2 or 3 days to quit feeling like I had the flu. When I read online that it's rated as one of the worst beaches in California for pollution and toxic bacteria I realized what was going on."

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Mark M has strong opinions: "What a crap hole. Anyone that like this place has never been to a decent beach. A lackluster beach with tiny little piss-ant waves with a bad run-off. I had friends get Hepatitis going here."

Tanya F echoes what everyone else says, but is full of regret: "There is natural debris all over the waterfront and it is completely covered with flies. Getting to the water I almost stepped on a dead bird, glass, and some strange black tar looking substance. I am really concerned for this beach as I have a lot of good memories here and would love to continue to come back."

Long Beach Beaches, in Long Beach, Duh (2.5 Stars)

Holly T, who wrote an exhaustive, knowledgeable review that is too lengthy to quote here, sums up: "There are good parts of the Long Beach beaches if you know where to go. But compared to any other beach in the area, they really fall short, which is a shame."

Andrya H gave the beach four stars, but I think that's sarcasm: "Long Beach Residents are practicing safe sex seeing as we found a lot of condoms a long the shore."

Risky R takes the beach's shortcomings personally: "I live and grew up near the shore in Long Beach. I am sad to admit that we have the worst beach around. Polluted water, filthy sand, and rank air sums up our whole beach experience."

Chip A strikes a defiant note: "review, who needs a fuckin review. We all know we don't live in long beach for the beach…its cheaper than HB, LB, MB,…..and still on that water."

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Susan L, I don't think "they" say this, but OK: "It's true what they say, the worst beach is long beach."

Carson Beach, Boston (3 Stars)

Carson Beach seems fine? Photo via Flickr user Bill Ilott

Josie G knows her response is maybe a little too emotional to be a good example of a truly objective Yelp review, but forges ahead anyway: "In college, I used to come here thinking it was the best thing ever. Then I stepped on a bloody band-aid and a piece of glass in the same afternoon. No, thanks. They've definitely cleaned it up a bit, and I like the little snack bar that they've got. But that afternoon put a bad taste in my mouth and I haven't been back since."

Wendy S, OK I know I said all beaches are fine earlier, but this does seem to be a bad beach experience: "Not only did I find enormous amounts of trash on this beach, I found a human bone."

Joe R offers advice that really bums me out for some reason: "Do go, just remember to bring your low expectations and enough hand sanitizer for the entire family."

Julie A pulls no punches: "I think this might be the worst beach I have ever been to. It's a nasty sandbox next to some murky water."

Pass Christian Beach, Mississippi, Between Gulfport and Louisiana (2.5 Stars)

JJ has obviously thought about this beach a lot, and who are we to disagree with him?: "Absolutely nothing special about this compared to the 50 miles of medium sand and murky water in either direction up and down the gulf coast. its not walking distance to anything like a restaurant or bar either. I suspect local boosters are pimping the place to make a buck."

And Ana C will get the last word, because she is the most succinct Yelp beach reviewer of them all: "Did not like this beach at all… This beach is pretty dirty."