Dumb Football With Mike Tunison, Divisional Playoffs Edition

A fun thing to consider when watching the NFL is how many rules require painstaking, almost scientific exactitude to enforce properly and how many others boil down to refs just winging it—when it comes to spotting a player down, for example, or judging where a punt sails out of bounds.

To some degree, the NFL has addressed this for the playoffs; late in the year, league headquarters was granted the power to intervene on spotting the ball in postseason games. It's hard to know how much this really helps, though, as all the VP of officiating has available is the television broadcast and possibly one or two additional camera angles. That's not really all that reliable for a shanked punt, unless there just happens to be a sideline camera facing the field where the ball goes out of bounds.

There are those in NFL circles, Bill Belichick most prominent among them, that want to make everything reviewable. There are good reasons to have reservations about that prospect, but it's also curious that no one takes it further. How are there not tiny pylon cameras at every yard line, or more advanced sensors in the ball to show where it might have gone out of bounds? As it stands, refs could be getting placement wrong by several yards when a punt goes out. Really, we have no way of knowing. It's not like the NFL doesn't have the resources to make this happen.

These are small things, of course. In the NFL, though, tiny things—coin flips for example—have a way of affecting games in ways that wind up being screamed about for years. Trying to impose reason and order on NFL games is like Jurassic Park. Fuck-ups find a way.

Packers-Cardinals Made The Weekend, And Made Me Want To Be A Better Person

The second part is totally a lie, but wow I did enjoy the hell out of that game. Initially, it seemed like a blessing that Mike McCarthy didn't have the guts to go for two at the end of regulation after the insane and wonderful Aaron Rodgers/Jeff Janis hail mary. If the game had ended there, one way or another, we wouldn't have gotten to see the most messed up coin flip in NFL history, and Larry Fitzgerald wouldn't have been able to play the hero. As it was, overtime worked out pretty well, but all it took to ruin it was Mike Florio and Peter King later campaigning for the NFL to change its overtime rules because it's just not fair that a popular team with a well-known quarterback didn't get the ball in overtime.

Still, if one or two of the remaining games can be anywhere near that good, I might be able to convince myself this season wasn't totally depressing.

Clete Blakeman Forced To Attend 10-Week Coin Flip Seminar

Sure, there were a couple fun "what the hell is a football catch?" moments this weekend, but that's old hat when it comes to NFL officiating fuck-uppery. True connoisseurs demand something more refined, like a ref somehow being unable to flip a coin properly. Exquisite.

Moreover, it's the second overtime coin-flip-related confusion that Clete Blakeman has found himself in the last month. I sincerely hope this isn't his last assignment of the season and he can at least do one of the conference title games. I believe he'll find a way to have a coin that explodes in midair and transforms into a dove. If it happens in the AFC Championship, Belichick will shoot it.

Aaron Rodgers Mad About The Coin Flip Tho

Had Blakeman let his first coin toss go, Rodgers would have lost, since he called tails and it landed on heads. I seriously doubt anyone would have said anything if Blakeman didn't unilaterally decide to redo the flip. Aaron Rodgers still found a way to get upset about it later, though, claiming Blakeman didn't give him a chance to make a call for the second try. Though it might be unwise to question the mystical powers of a quarterback who has pulled off two successful Hail Marys in one season, this honestly seems like a bit much.

This Week's Letter To The Charlotte Observer

"BAAAAHHHH GAAAHHHHHH CAM STOLE THAT 12TH PERSON'S FLAG! 12TH LIVES MATTER! HE NAMED HIS KID CHOSEN! MORE LIKE CHOSEN OUT OF A POLICE LINEUP! ROLL TIDE!! (I'M A BAMA FAN FIRST BUT I ADOPTED CAROLINA FOR THIS YEAR)"

Demaryius Thomas' Mom Got To See Her Baby Boy

.— Nicki Jhabvala (@NickiJhabvala)January 17, 2016

On Sunday, Katrina Smith got to see her son play football in person for the first time and came dressed in an appropriately bedazzled customized jersey. Smith was sent to prison in 1999, when Demaryius was 11, for drug trafficking. She was released in November and this was her first chance to make it to a game. It's been awhile since we had a notable NFL mom, and I think Chunky Soup should hook her up with an endorsement deal, pronto.

Brian Billick Discovers 60 Percent Of Sports Twitter's Jokes

Why is crying Michael Jordan all over my Twitter?

— Brian Billick (@CoachBillick)January 17, 2016

I was for Crying Jordan before I was against it. I'm the ultimate sports comedy flip-flopper. You know if a cultural phenomenon explodes to the extent that Brian Billick is aware of it, it's way overdone. Nevertheless, I expect it to finally peter out some time in late 2018, and probably not much sooner.

Fan of the Week

The obvious appeal here is the guy with the misspelled sign, but you're really depriving yourself if that's all the enjoyment you're getting out of this shot. It's such a rich, Brueghel-esque tapestry of reaction faces that I'm certain some enterprising site will have an oral history of it before the year is through. There's the puzzled and out-of-place Steelers fan. The oddly intense Packers dude wearing a winter hat in Arizona. Some middle-aged guy making a crying motion off to the left. The Cards lady in the bottom right looking like she's watching her dog drag its ass on the carpet. Lots to absorb here and I recommend taking your time with it.

Five Winners Who Covered Their Bloodline in Glory

1. Larry Fitzgerald — The best player in Arizona history is doing his best to get another crack at the Super Bowl. He had 176 yards receiving in the win over Green Bay and overtime was all his. He started the extra period with an amazing 75-yard catch-and-run, and he put the game away two plays later with a five-yard touchdown on an inside shovel pass. In true Nicest Guy in the World fashion, he used his postgame interview to shout out Chris Mortensen, the ESPN reporter who was just diagnosed with throat cancer.

2. Luke Kuechly — His pick-six of Russell Wilson was obviously his most important contribution in Carolina's 31-24 victory over Seattle, though it wasn't his most impressive play of the day. With just over two minutes remaining in the game, with Carolina up 10 and Seattle closing in, Kuechly somehow flew from the middle of the field to break up a deep sideline pass to Doug Baldwin to deny what would have been a 20-yard gain. A defensive back making up that much ground would have been remarkable. For a linebacker, it's special.

3. Tom Brady — Just because it was coldly efficient doesn't mean it wasn't really good. It helps that the Patriots' supposedly shaky offensive line allowed little pressure in the game, but at one point Brady completed 13 straight passes, which is awesome under any circumstances. He even ran for a touchdown, a clear indication it's the postseason, as Brady seldom ventures beyond the line of scrimmage in the regular season unless there's a five-alarm fire in the backfield.

4. Chandler Jones — After a week of taking lumps for a hospital visit necessitated by a bad reaction to synthetic marijuana, Jones made perhaps the biggest defensive play of the game for New England, stripping Knile Davis on the opening drive of the second half, as Kansas City was trying to keep pace after trailing 14-6 at half. The Pats scored on the next drive and the game was nearly really close again.

5. Martavis Bryant — With Antonio Brown sidelined with a concussion, it was up to the Steelers other starting receiver to have a huge game, and he certainly delivered, posting 154 receiving yards. He also led the Steelers in rushing by virtue of one 40-yard end-around in the first quarter.

Five Losers Bathing in the Hard Water of Infinite Shame

1. Andy Reid — Just when I made the mistake of believing in Andy, he reinforces all the old jokes about his woeful clock management. Granted, the Chiefs offense is not exactly built for quick strike potential. Still, a five-minute scoring drive when trailing by multiple touchdowns midway through the fourth quarter does not a comeback make. Making matters worse was Reid refusing to use his timeouts with his team in the red zone with 2:29 remaining. Nearly a minute bled off the clock before the Chiefs were able to cut the lead to 7, which it turns out is also enough time for 300,000 tweets about how bad Andy Reid is at using his timeouts.

2. Mike McCarthy — Even by the standard of NFL coaches delaying failure, McCarthy's decision to kick an extra point at the end of regulation was cowardly. The Packers had just scored a Hail Mary touchdown at the end of regulation to cut the Cardinals lead to 20-19. Green Bay could have gone for the win right there with a two-point conversion. Naturally a failure to convert casts more attention on the head coach, even if it makes sense mathematically, but the Packers were 4-for-6 on two-point tries this season and Aaron Rodgers was playing like a powerful and vengeful deity. McCarthy opted to try his luck as underdogs on the road in overtime, and the Packers never got the ball again.

3. Chiefs Defenders — Just catch one goddamn interception, you guys!! I know the old axiom about how defensive backs would be receivers if only they could catch the ball. Still, Kansas City's upset bid was denied by their inability to come up with one game-changing play on defense, and it certainly wasn't for a lack of opportunities.

4. Fitzgerald Toussaint — The running back's pivotal fourth quarter fumble came in Broncos territory with the Steelers leading 13-12. Denver's ensuing possession resulted in a go-ahead touchdown that Pittsburgh could never answer. Toussaint is a little-known back pressed into service by multiple injuries in Pittsburgh's backfield, and the fumble was as much a nice punch-out by Bradley Roby as it was a mishandle by Toussaint. Playoff football is a cruel bastard. Accordingly, CBS was all too willing to twist the knife with sideline shots of Toussaint every few seconds during Denver's scoring drive. Luckily, his coach and teammates were there for him after the game, even if media jerks like me are lumping him in with the scapegoats.

5. Broncos receivers — A Pittsburgh team decimated by injury shouldn't have been able to hang with Denver on the road. A big reason they could was Denver's frequent refusal to catch the ball. Conservative estimates put the Broncos at seven drops for the day; the NFL Network's Charley Casserly, in making the (insane) argument that Peyton Manning actually outplayed Tom Brady, had it at nine. Had the Broncos lost, Manning's staunchest defenders would have called for public executions. As it is, they're still concerned with rounding up the soon-to-be out of work employees of Al Jazeera America.

Previewing Brady-Manning XVII And The Other Non-Roman-Numeral'd Game

New England at Denver
3:05 p.m. ET Sunday

Despite a wholesale lack of easily marketable players, the NFL still plans to muddle through and stage this one anyway. Based on how each team played this past weekend, a Patriots victory seems like the easy call. Of course, if Denver's receivers can learn to catch and Tom Brady's interceptions actually stay in the hands of defenders, it's not going to be such a stroll for the Pats. While New England's offensive line played much better than expected against the Chiefs, Kansas City was without Justin Houston, who could have made things considerably more difficult for Brady.

The Broncos, after all, won the regular season contest, though that was one of those games that Brock Osweiler started. Patriots fans will likely recall the controversial offensive pass interference call on Rob Gronkowski in the fourth quarter of that game that negated a key first down with the Pats up 21-17 with five minutes left in the fourth. All-around appreciators of NFL conspiracies should have a lot to feed on this week, as I myself can't imagine even one reason why Roger Goodell wouldn't want New England to advance to the Super Bowl.

The media is already billing this as a possible finale for the Brady-Manning franchise, though I wouldn't be surprised if they milked one or two more sequels out of it. Peyton has repeatedly said he plans to keep playing after this season and his career just won't be complete until he takes the field with the aid of a walker while serving as the starter for the Bills. He's already using his old man vulnerability to his advantage, as evidenced by the play yesterday when he flopped to the ground only to clamber to his feet and throw a 35-yard pass. Or, should I say HGH HGH LOOGIT THESE CHEATERS!

Arizona at Carolina
6:40 p.m. ET Sunday

The Cardinals played flat most of the game against Green Bay only to finally take control—at least until that insane Rodgers Hail Mary intervened—in the fourth quarter. The Panthers exploded to a 31-0 halftime lead, but never scored again in their win over Seattle.

The Panthers having trouble closing out games is becoming something of a troubling trend, and it's in the Cardinals' best interest not to count on that. For all the big leads the Panthers have let slip away, they aren't actually losing those games. In the Panthers lone loss of the season, to the Falcons, they trailed most of the second half and never led the game at any point by more than a field goal.

It's amusing that, in a game that saw the other head coach has taken little grief for declining to go for two and win the game in regulation with a better than 50/50 shot, it's Bruce Arians who is being criticized the most for Saturday's game because his team remained aggressive and kept passing late in the game despite having a lead and Green Bay being out of timeouts. Arians' aggression has gotten Arizona this far, and going out that way beats a coward's death anytime. Ironically enough, Ron Rivera, a coach who has a reputation for being daring, punted late facing a 4th-and-2 near midfield with a chance to close out the Seahawks. He got away with it, too.

Hopefully Rivera will go back to earning his Riverboat Ron nickname and an exciting NFC Championship will follow from that. The way the AFC has looked the past month or so, these might be the best two teams in football. Despite this being the first postseason game between a pair of Heisman-winning quarterbacks in NFL history, it won't get as much hype as the other game. This is the better matchup, though, and a game worth looking forward to.