Alan Shearer

football cliches and meaningless debates

Deconstructing The Arbitrary Debate Over ‘World Class’ Footballers

It seems that not a week goes by without an argument over a footballer’s ‘world class’ status. Here, we call out that frame of reference for being completely fucking pointless.
Will Magee
12.19.16
the blackburn precedent

Game Changers: Blackburn Rovers and Jack Walker’s Millions

In 1995, Blackburn Rovers were crowned Premier League champions. That success was financed by industrialist owner Jack Walker, who was in many ways the last of his kind.
Will Magee
12.13.16
the unquenchable rage of chris sutton

A Lament For Chris Sutton, an Angry Pundit Caught By The Machine

Chris Sutton, Britain's most brutal football pundit, is mad as hell, and he's not going to take it anymore.
Oscar Rickett
12.2.16
make britain great again

Alan Shearer’s Banter Nightmare: Previewing This Weekend’s Match Of The Day

In our first Premier League Preview of the week, we discuss the declining standards of banter on the nation’s favourite football highlights programme.
Will Magee
11.4.16
football statues: shit or not shit?

Rating Statues of Footballers Purely On Artistic Merit

With Alan Shearer’s new statue at Newcastle being widely compared to Dale Winton, we have decided to rate football’s most famous sculptures on artistic merit alone.
Will Magee
9.13.16
we should decide by referendum

Which of These Utterly Underwhelming Candidates Will Be the Next England Boss?

After Roy Hodgson's inevitable resignation last night, England are looking for a new manager. Unfortunately there is a major dearth of candidates for the role.
UK Sports Staff
6.28.16
the banger

The Cult: Alan Shearer

Our latest inductee to The Cult is an England goalscoring legend who was never more alive than during that sun-drenched summer of '96. Say what you like about Big Al, he knew how to bang.
Toby Sprigings
6.10.16
three lions on the shirt

Football’s Coming Home: Remembering Euro ‘96 Twenty Years On

With the sound of Baddiel and Skinner ringing in our ears, we almost witnessed the England team achieve greatness. Ultimately, though, the tournament ended in heartbreak.
Will Magee
6.9.16
i believe i can fly

Cultural Relatives: Alan Shearer & Space Jam

Battered and bruised from their 1995-96 title heartbreak, Newcastle United must have felt stricken. Then a superstar was introduced to the fold. Ladies and gentlemen... Alan Shearer.
Toby Sprigings
1.26.16