Man Gets Drunk, Takes Cocaine, Tries to Have Sex with Pile of Leaves in a Car Park

As the old saying goes: not all heroes wear capes. Some, for example, are arrested for public indecency after going on the razz, tumbling off the end of it and ending up attempting to make sweet love to a pile of leaves outside a Premier Inn/Beefeater complex in Stockport.

This was the fate of one Michael Golsorkhi, a 26-year-old man who was recently jailed for eight weeks after being filmed thrusting at, well, leaves, in a hotel/pub car park. He was asked, "What are you doing, you dirty bastard?" by an employee, and retreated from the scene until police were called.

Per the Metro, a hotel employee whose statement was read to the court noted – in perhaps the most astonishing sentence ever read in a British court – "We saw a white male with his trousers down and we could see his bum."

Golsorkhi, whose wellbeing was checked by hotel staff – and who was instructed to seek help by Magistrate Edward Tasker, who sentenced him – said he was "mortified" by his behaviour and was under the influence of alcohol, cannabis and cocaine at the time. His lawyer said he had no memory of the acts, and, alas, "has no desire to return to the Premier Inn".