A Beginner’s Guide to Normalising Sex

This July, we’re heating things up with Sex-Rated: The VICE Guide to Sex in India. Come with us as we dive deep into Indian sexuality, as well as cherry-pick some of the best videos and stories about sex from VICE around the world. Read more here.

Comedian Kaneez Surka’s matter-of-fact unapologetic delivery of truth makes its way into VICE India’s sex column for the month, Simply Sex.

From a very young age I was taught that my sexuality and body were taboo. And that I should refrain from discussing them or exploring them. There’s an innate sense of guilt that consumes you when you’re brought up with that mentality, and that guilt seeped into my adult life as well. The first time I had sex it was exhilarating, and instead of being content (forget overjoyed), I went into a depressive spiral. What makes all of this worse is that the horrid feeling never goes away. However, over time I have learned to be more accepting of myself and my flaws.

I, Kaneez Surka, indulge in safe consensual sex. I have stopped feeling like a ‘slut’ when I engage in sex, but instead feel empowered that this decision is my own and is not dependent on society or what others may have to say about my decisions. I have stopped seeing myself as an object of a man’s sexual desire but instead as an equal to him who enjoys the process as much as he does. I am curious and I constantly explore my body physically, and with each experience, I grow emotionally as well.

I wear a dress that makes me feel good, revealing or not revealing. How what I wear is perceived is not worth suppressing my choice. Honestly, it boils down to me wanting to feel free and not be judged for doing something that isn’t wrong. For the longest time, I asked myself what was wrong with consensual, safe, protected sex. And I couldn’t find an answer. Because there isn’t one!

It’s unfortunate that the women talking about their sexual desires are cringe-worthy for so many. In fact, they should be encouraged, and women should feel free to talk about the same without inhibition. Conversations with peers about my sexual experiences do not make me a bad human, they make me a better lover!

We all find a way to cope with troubles in our lives. The journey of loving myself, my body and being able to enjoy sex without worrying about how I will be perceived has given me a lot of confidence. I am more fearless in the decisions I make, personally and professionally.

‘Make sex normal’

That’s my mantra for this piece, and actually living in general as well. Because it is normal! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Having sex or indulging in your sexuality doesn’t make you any less of a person unless you indulge in it without consent. In which case, you’re not only less of a person, but you’re also a criminal.