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Are You Getting Any?

Are You Getting Any? Someone Is Literally Inside Me, Of Course Sex Is Intimate

Leoni says that sometimes, people don't realise how emotional sex can be.

by Nana Baah; photos by Sophie Davidson
14 February 2020, 3:32am

LEONI, 22

Quality of sex overall: 7/10
Frequency of sex: 3/10
Intimacy levels: 4/10
How do you feel generally about the people you fuck: 7/10
How happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex: 8/10

VICE: Hi Leoni! When was the last time you had sex?
Leoni: I think it was August last year.

How do you feel about your sex life in general?
Well, it’s completely non-existent.

Is that OK with you?
Not really, no.

Why would you say your sex life is non-existent?
I just haven’t been able to meet any guys.

Leoni by Sophie Davidson
Leoni says social media can be a distraction in the bedroom.

So, would you say that most of your friends are having more sex than you?
I definitely think I have the least. Most of my friends are in relationships so, it’s kind of like, of course they’re having sex.

Okay. So, what do you think of the British Medical Journal research? Is social media to blame for us all shagging less?
One hundred percent, I think so. I could be in bed with a guy and end up scrolling on my phone, instead of being more present and allowing something to happen. Without realising it, being on your phone could become an obstacle.

Do you mean ignoring them completely?
No, like showing them a funny video or something. You just have no time to do anything else, I definitely think that’s a thing.

Well, you sound pretty relaxed about not having met someone.
Well, I think I’m still getting over my relationship which ended recently, so sleeping with other people isn’t at the forefront of my mind. It's definitely on my mind, of course, but I don’t feel too worried about it.

Leoni/Sophie Davidson Portrait

So the horniness is still there?
Yeah. I masturbate quite a lot too. At the moment, that's enough for me.

Was sex a regular part of your life before August?
Definitely. My ex and I had frequent sex and it was good. We were on holiday once, and we had sex in a field.

Have you always enjoyed the relationship you have with sex?
I don’t think so. I’ve always been the type of person who is aware of their emotional strength, so I know when to avoid things if it’s going to cause me pain. I’ll avoid having sex if I feel like I’ll end up getting upset over it.

Okay, so now you're focusing more on how your mental health plays into your sex life?
Definitely. In my early sex life, I experienced something quite traumatic and that has 100 percent shaped the way I view being intimate, unfortunately.

That makes sense. You're actively not sleeping with anyone to look after your mental health, right?
Yeah. That’s why I can go for such long periods without it because I have such periods where my emotions aren’t all where they should be and I don’t feel strong enough to have a sexual relationship with someone I don't know.

What are your views on casual sex?
I’m OK with it, it’s just sex. But even if it is casual, it's really emotional for me. I struggle to separate emotion from sex.

Leoni/Sophie Davidson Portrait

Do you think that most people are aware of how sex plays into their mental state?
I don’t think enough people do. They might turn to sex because they think it will make them feel better. Obviously, I'm not saying I know everything, but I don’t think people understand just how emotional sex can be, you know? People think it’s just a physical thing but it’s so much more than that. It’s not that it has to be viewed as "making love" instead of "fucking", I just mean someone is literally going inside you, you can’t get away from that being an intimate thing. You don't have to be like, “I love you", but it's still pretty fucking intimate.

Would you say having no connection at all leads to bad sex?
I think it is why people have shit sex. It's cliche to say that you’re looking for that spark or a connection, but it's also really true. Even if you're just bonding over like a joke or something. I don’t know if it even counts as chemistry. But say you’re on a train with someone and you’ve kind of formed a connection with them when you smile and they smile back. It’s natural for us to do that or to look for a connection in general.

Thanks Leoni!

@nanasbaah/ @sophieedavidson

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

Tagged:
mental health
Millennial
sex and relationships