VICE INRSS feed for https://www.vice.com/enhttps://www.vice.com/en%3Flocale%3Den_inenMon, 04 Dec 2023 11:50:44 GMT<![CDATA[Gender Reveal Does Not Stop at Gender Reveal Parties]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/93k877/gender-reveal-does-not-stop-at-gender-reveal-partiesMon, 04 Dec 2023 11:50:44 GMTIt has only been three years that Meera Singhania Rehani says she has been ‘passing’ as a cis-woman, after her gender-affirmation surgery. During COVID-19, she still did not pass, considering how she still had facial hair—she could feel the suspecting gaze of people at metro stations, confused eyes trying to gauge her gender, mentally placing her in preordained boxes. After the surgery, these gazes shifted. 

It is easy to identify someone by their gender and stamp stereotypical traits that come with that gender – all before writing them off as an actual person. This kind of gender stereotyping takes on a different shade when it comes to trans individuals. Particularly those who are able to present themselves in a way that aligns with their gender identity. This leads others to perceive them as the gender they identify as, rather than their assigned or presumed gender at birth. To put it simply: when a trans woman, whose assigned birth was male at birth, is perceived as a cisgender woman—it is commonly referred to as ‘gender passing.’

“People started checking me out in a sexual, voyeuristic way not to a trans woman but as they would to a cis-woman, this was a complicated experience for me,” she told VICE. “I’ve seen this with others, too, who have faced systemic marginalization all their lives only to suddenly have this wave of validation come in, it’s affirming, yes, but it also opened a sort of darkness in me where I did not want to be this social justice warrior but just another flawed human being.”

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In a moving essay for the queer publication Them. on trans visibility and invisibility on the basis of whether one passes or not, clinical psychotherapist Nat Vikitsreth writes that “your survival is valid. Your transness is valid. And both remain valid no matter the extent to which you let the world witness your brilliance.”

Mumbai-based Sushant Divgikr, whose drag persona goes by Rani KoHEnur, would prefer confusing and befuddling people, instead of focusing on whether they are passing as a man or a woman. 

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“Passing is what? Passing for whom? I love the androgyny and the confusion on their faces when they can’t place me. One day I could be wearing a loose t-shirt with makeup, which might be confusing. On another day, I could be decked up with a femme face only for them to realise there is no chest, they are confused again,” they said. 

For Divgikr, it’s been a journey. They admit overthinking it all, often asking themselves if they were too trans, too femme, too butch. Now, straddling across a hue of genders is not only liberating but life-affirming. 

Binaries of life and death 

In India, where both public and psychological spaces are gendered—how one is perceived can not only affect the opportunities one gets but can also be a matter of life and death. In September 2021, a trans woman in Tamil Nadu was allegedly murdered by her brother who did not approve of her trans identity. India’s official crime record database, the National Crime Record Bureau (NCRB), only officially started keeping track of such gendered crimes against trans people after the passage of the Transgender Protection Act in 2019. Bollywood, for its part, also amplifies these stereotypes—particularly those specifically related to gender ‘passing.’ In Masti, a cult comedy film released in 2004, the lead character rinses his mouth after he realises that the ‘woman’ he kissed was actually trans. Beyond India’s transphobic borders, cases of mistaken gender identities cut both ways. Earlier this year, in the United States, a cis woman was murdered because her killer perceived her to be a trans woman

In legalese, and in the real world, such perpetrators of violence against queer people often seek refuge in a legal strategy known as the ‘gay panic defence’ or ‘trans panic defence’—accusing queer people of somehow triggering or provoking them with their sexual or even non-sexual advances. 

When one’s gender becomes forever linked to life itself, it can naturally lead to a narrowing of self—the person is less likely to go out, attend parties, or assert themselves in public spaces. To what extent does this take a toll on an individual who grapples with gender as an ominous shadow hovering over every aspect of their lives? Ruchi Ruuh, a queer-affirmative relationship counsellor told VICE that not passing can intensify gender dysphoria, which is the distress associated with the incongruence between one's gender identity and physical appearance. 

“A non-passing transgender individual may feel anxious about entering public spaces or interacting with others and this anxiety can also develop further into depression as the person might find it challenging to express themselves,” she said. “This feeling of isolation with the fear of judgement or discrimination can be daunting for some individuals, as social withdrawal can lead a person to find it difficult to form relationships and trust other individuals.”

Radicalising gender 

Zainab Patel, an activist based in Mumbai whose story of self-determination and making it big in the corporate sector against all odds moved the Indian Supreme Court during the same-sex marriage equality hearings, told VICE on a Zoom call that ‘passing’ is an old-school term that still becomes part of the problem. 

“To me, it is about how well you present yourself because ‘passing’ still somehow means you need to fit into someone’s notion of what they ascribe to as standards of acceptability of a particular gender,” she said. “Even historically, during the women’s rights movements back in the day, many women had to pass off as men to occupy spaces and opportunities traditionally occupied by men.” 

A similar feeling experienced by Patel filtered into Rehani’s dates, too. She admits that there have been countless cases where her dates have not realised, even to this day, that she is a trans woman. Does she owe it to anyone to be transparent about it all? Not, really. And there are no parameters, either. “There are some people with whom I might not like revealing that part of me to strangers and I certainly do not subscribe to the idea that every trans person must share their transness with others, after all, gender is a part of me, not the whole of me,” she said. 

In the docu-series Rainbow Rishta created by VICE Studios and Amazon Prime Video, streaming now on Prime which spotlights affirming stories of queer love, gender often becomes an entity in itself—a live organism that similarly hovers over love, the elephant in the room which must be subtly understood, not swept under the carpet. One of the most moving segments is that of Daniella, an intersex person with a history of abuse, who will not let their past colour their life anymore—instead living life with hope and love, genuinely believing that happiness must triumph over all, not letting the complexities of gender, gender passing or anything in between spoil their pursuit to a nourishing, fuller life. 

This idea of reclaiming one’s life that we see beautifully manifested in the stories of Daniella, or even Aishwarya Ayushmaan, a human rights lawyer by the day who moonlights as a drag queen in the night, tells us that spaces cannot be given up to the heterosexual world order. 

Divgikr, who has voiced the title track of the series, similarly oscillates between many registers while performing or during drag shows—they might start singing an Asha Bhosle song in a femme voice only to catch everyone off guard and switch things up to a coarse, masculine register. This approach comes from a deeper understanding of gender and how it’s linked to performance. 

“I want to challenge the notion that if you’re wearing a saree, you only sing feminine songs. Why is that? I can choose to sing a Frank Sinatra or a Deep Purple song, too.” 

For Zainab Patel, though, the realisation that no matter how much you pass or not is not enough for the world came early on. 

“I came with really broad shoulders, thick torso and big hips and I would still consider myself ‘passable’ as a woman,” Patel says. “I started noticing that many cis-women also do not pass as women or male-presenting people do not necessarily pass as men. In my case, I consciously introduce myself as a trans woman, only to be told by others that I should just stick to introducing myself to others as a woman, not trans.”

Clearly, there is no getting around. For Patel, she will always be too trans, too feminine, and her shoulders too broad—often coming from people within the community itself. “When you look at the hijra community, typically, and speak to the leaders of the hijra community, the concept of wearing women’s clothes or getting ritually emasculated was a process of getting rid of one’s manliness. So, although they donned feminine clothes and makeup and jewellery, they did not necessarily call themselves women but simply as hijra or trans.” 

This radical approach then begs the question: How can passing work in this scenario when the individuals themselves do not want to be associated with the binaries of gender? Not only does this example bring home the point of the irrelevance of gender in the eyes of many, but also shows us that gender can never be, and must never be, considered the sum total of an individual’s existence.

At the end of the day, gender remains strictly personal. Ruuh, the counsellor, too, explained that some individuals want to be perceived as trans because they want to be proud of their own acceptance and the work they have done, alleviating their gender dysphoria. 

“Some may choose not to ‘blend in’ and use their passing privilege to educate and challenge stereotypes about gender identity, so there is no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating gender identity,” she said. “Many individuals have improved mental health with more acceptance for their passing as a cisgender person and others might find the reverse working best for their happiness and self-esteem.”

As a character in American transgender author Torrey Peters’s fireball of a novel, Detransition, Baby put it: “I got to a point where I thought I didn’t need to put up with the bullshit of gender in order to satisfy my sense of myself. I am trans, but I don't need to do trans.”

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93k877VICE StaffVICE StaffLGBT+
<![CDATA[How Queer Filmmakers and Allies Found Joy While Filming 6 Stories On Love]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/ak3a3k/how-queer-filmmakers-and-allies-found-joy-while-filming-6-stories-on-loveTue, 21 Nov 2023 12:30:00 GMTRainbow Rishta, available on Prime Video, is a docuseries that follows 6 queer love stories, nay, 6 stories about love across the length and breadth of India. The show’s creators and crew wanted to show queer joy in the Indian context like it has never been shown before. And each frame of the show is dripping with vulnerability, deep heartache and even more triumph. Triumph not only for the stories you see on-screen, but also the triumphs for the queer filmmakers behind this show.In one of the opening montages, wedding card-makers in Khadilkar Road, Mumbai proudly show off their cards and boast about the fact that they work with people from all intersections of society. The conversation slowly builds up to asking the wedding card-makers if they would make cards for LGBT+ couples.

This question is poignant in the wake of the Supreme Court verdict on October 17, 2023 on marriage equality. Showrunner for Rainbow Rishta, Jaydeep Sarkar, was immensely disappointed with the news. But for him, as for most queer people in India, this is the time to hold on to what is dearest to us harder than ever. “Most of us have had to hide our authentic selves. We have lived invisible lives, which is why when we come out, our way of fighting back is by spreading joy,” he says.

And there is an argument to be made in favor of normalizing queer joy. The section that criminalized queer sex in IPC Section 377 was struck down by the Supreme Court in September 2018. Radhika Paul, an assistant director on Rainbow Rishta, got the courage to come out after this ruling. Her parents have had a tough relationship with her queerness since. In the show, we see Daniella, an intersex woman’s relationship with her family evolve as she grew older. We see her find the love that she was told she would never find because of her queerness, and plan a wedding to celebrate that love. “What's important is that I think parents should watch it regardless of whether their kids are queer or not, or out or not, and understand that if that kid is queer, they should just wholeheartedly support that,” Radhika hopes.

The queer joy we see in Rainbow Rishta is not an anomaly. Data shows that the tide is turning on how the queer community is perceived in India. According to the World Values Survey, in 1990, 91% of Indians would object to having a queer person as their neighbor. This number dropped to 42% in 2014. 42% is still a very discouraging number, and this is why Rainbow Rishta follows the story of Aneez and Sanam as they try to find a home for themselves in Guwahati.

Navin Noronha, a comedian and writer, who was called on board to do the casting for the show, made his decisions intentionally and took the note on queer joy very seriously. He interviewed 200+ queer folks across India. “It becomes so much like, ‘hey tell us about your struggles’ and as queer people, we’re tired of this kind of stuff, you know?“ he said.

The technical crew behind Rainbow Rishta also unanimously echoed the importance of changing how queer stories are told. “We’ve always painted a queer person as a clown or a villain or a victim with something bad happening to most of them. There’s a certain level of exoticisation that happens where you can’t see them at the same level as you,” said Sneha Nair, Associate Creative Director at Vice Studios for Rainbow Rishta and an ally.

Left to right: Navin Noronha, Samira Kanwar, Hridaye Nagpal, Sneha Nair, Esha Paul, Karan Hinduja, Shubhra Chatterjee, Jaydeep Sarkar. Photo by Jaydeep Sarkar
Left to right: Navin Noronha, Samira Kanwar, Hridaye Nagpal, Sneha Nair, Esha Paul, Karan Hinduja, Shubhra Chatterjee, Jaydeep Sarkar. Photo by Jaydeep Sarkar

Shubhra Chatterji directed the stories of three queer lives we see in Rainbow Rishta and points out how important it was for them to not fall into the stereotypical othering of queer people. She says the show is “not entirely about how society sees you. But it is the everyday experience of a queer person who can experience love with a partner, who can experience the love of a family, who can experience the joy of achieving something, of becoming a person of their own. So that's what we've tried to capture.” Watching Soham and Suresh navigate the 7-year itch through the 6 episodes, reminds you that queer relationships are not really that queer after all. “The beauty of the show is not that ‘Oh there’s a lot of struggle in a queer person’s life’ but like ‘Shit they are exactly like us.’” Hridaye Nagpal, who also directed three stories in the show, notes.

The fact that Rainbow Rishta wishes to shift queer storytelling is nothing short of revolutionary, and hence, exceptionally essential. According to a 2019 survey done by the Centre for the Study of Developing Societies (CSDS) - Lokniti in collaboration with Azim Premji University, 33% of respondents were more accepting of same-sex marriages if they had high exposure to queer stories in the media. Whereas only 10% of those who had no exposure to LGBT+ stories in the media were accepting of same-sex marriages.

Executive Producer Samira Kanwar, however, points out that just telling queer stories is not enough. It is also important who tells these stories. “A lot of this also is intentional… trying to be as inclusive, as thoughtful as we can as individuals when we are making conscious decisions by creating content as well as while hiring a team,” she points out.

Navin also believes that real representation comes when you don’t do it for the sake of pandering. Which is why the hiring went beyond having a queer make-up artist or stylist - the stereotypical roles queer folks get hired in. According to Samira, “there are so many fantastic queer directors. There are queer DOPs, but you never see that representation.” For Navin, it was a non-negotiable that even the production team that has to come together has to be queer. “So my constitution was always that we are not going to exploit these stories. We're not going to be telling these stories from a work lens,” Navin said. And Hridaye reiterated that. “It was imperative that the people on set were emotionally invested because it somewhere went beyond filmmaking. It went beyond just being good at your job,” he said.

Daniella gives Ankit Mhatre a massage after a stressful day of shoot.
Daniella gives Ankit Mhatre a massage after a stressful day of shoot. Photo by Jaydeep Sarkar

The care with which the crew asks questions to Sadam while they capture the subtlest shifts in his expressions and body language as they simultaneously portray the delicateness in the fleeting moments of eye contact and soft touches that Sadam shares with his date as he mends his broken heart could only have happened if the set was a safe space. And it wasn’t just casting queer crew members and allies that made the set comfortable. All the crew members did a workshop with Sheena Khalid and Puja Sarup, co-founders of Patchworks Ensemble Theatre Company. In one of the exercises, Sheena put those behind the camera in front of the camera to help build empathy and compassion within the crew members which also led to them finding a sense of community in one another. “While we are showing probably 30 minutes of their lives, we have actually sat down with them and heard the entire journey. And in that, there's so much that we also tend to share,” Radhika reminisces.

It is also remarkable and refreshing that the crew was always aware of the responsibility they had in sharing these stories with the world. Hridaye notes, “these characters, these people have let us into a very private part of their lives. Even we used to feel almost privileged on some level to be allowed to be here.”

The season culminates with a central theme of thriving. All the on-screen queer personalities are seen healing from their past, overcoming their hardships, or finding the next step in their journey of loving and being loved. We see Lush Monsoon, a Delhi-based drag artist, also take a step forward towards living their life unapologetically as they go on their first date in the series. Fearing their relationship with their parents will change, they haven’t come out to their parents yet, and this show is how they will be coming out to them.

This pushed some of the crew members to heal and thrive off-camera too. Jaydeep decided to not be apologetic about his love anymore. His partner’s mother wanted to have a ceremony to celebrate their relationship. Prior to working on Rainbow Rishta, the thought of participating in an official ceremony to recognise his relationship made Jaydeep squeamish. “But seeing Daniella have the gumption as an intersex person to say that I'm gonna get married, gave me the courage to say, ‘Hey, you know what, I'm gonna do a ceremony and I'm gonna call everyone, and I'm going to celebrate that day.’ ” he said.

Radhika, who identifies as butch, struggled with finding the confidence to buy clothes from the mens section. But the show unknowingly changed that for her. After the last shooting schedule in Delhi, Radhika asked the crew to wait for her. “I just walked into a store, walked into the men's section, picked up a shirt for myself, and walked out. And I was like, wow, this has never felt easier,” she said.

The creators of Rainbow Rishta hope that everyone watches the show and finds hope, joy and courage to love fearlessly and be themselves unapologetically. The show premiered on November 2nd at the MAMI Mumbai Film Festival and is now streaming on Prime Video.

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ak3a3kRuchika AgarwalAdhiraj SinghLGBT+LGBTQIdocu-seriesVICE Studiosqueerwholesomenessamazon
<![CDATA[What It’s Like To Live in a ‘Haunted’ House]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/z34m59/living-in-a-spooky-haunted-house-ghosts-horrorFri, 27 Oct 2023 16:15:00 GMTThanks to horror films and shows, the image of the haunted house is a familiar one. They’re usually built in the Gothic style with pointed arches and flying buttresses, overgrown with vines, have doors that creak, and at least one room with an abandoned doll left on the floor or placed in a corner.

But if there’s one thing we know for sure from the countless spooky stories we’ve heard from our friends and their friends, it’s that ghosts aren’t really choosy about their habitat. These tortured souls, it seems, can be found anywhere – from ancestral homes to serviced apartments. 

So, why do people end up staying in apartments where shadows keep following them and their stories keep getting darker? We asked them.

‘On some days, we hear painful war cries of soldiers being slaughtered, and women wailing for their slain husbands’

The ancestral home where I stay in the Palghar district of Mumbai in India is more than 350 years old. There is a popular saying in our community that the older a family tree is, the more it is cursed. The same holds true for this house. It has seen many wars, including a really bloody one involving a Maratha general and Portuguese invaders. 

The haunted basement's window from outside.
The haunted basement's window from outside. Photo courtesy Bhaumik Gowande.

A few years ago, we discovered the human remains of the soldiers who had been killed in previous wars. On some days, we hear painful war cries of soldiers being slaughtered, and women wailing for their slain husbands, emanating from the basement. We can’t leave this home because it’s ancestral land and we each have our own memories and nostalgia attached to it, in spite of the war cries. My memories of the house are of eating mangoes with my grandmother and playing in the verandah during those hot summer afternoons. How can I let it go? No one has been harmed in all these years. 

However, many in the community believe our home is cursed, because of all the wars and the several lives it claimed. It’s a fine balance between being respectful of this tragic past and also not letting it affect our own childhood memories. The basement still remains a black hole: locked, filled with trauma, and wandering souls. — Bhaumik Gowande, 29

‘In the middle of the night, we saw the spooky shadow of a child flit past, we could even smell him. The three of us stopped breathing for a minute’

My friends thought we had got a good deal in this residential block that took care of us in every possible way: food, cabs to the office, gym, and in-house counselling, too. So, the exorbitant rent seemed reasonable. 

But within a week of moving in and setting up the house nicely with fairy lights and scented candles, we had the first creepy sighting of a little child. In the middle of the night, we saw the spooky shadow of a child flit past, we could even smell him. The three of us stopped breathing for a minute. It was too real to be an illusion as all of us in the house had seen and even smelt it. 

The next morning, when we spoke to others in the complex, they all had horror stories of their own – not of the child necessarily, but of similar spooky apparitions. Someone had seen blood splattered in their kitchen that disappeared within a minute, others had a vision of the chandelier in our lobby morphing into a big, slimy insect. My own flatmate could hear some creepy singing whenever she took a shower – she said it was the devil’s song. 

The passageway at Ana's home where she had the first sighting of a little child.
The passageway at Ana's home where she had the first sighting of a little child. Photo courtesy Ana.

We stayed in the house for almost two years. The mysterious child would keep reappearing at random intervals, almost mocking us, but never harming us. We couldn’t leave the house because the amenities were simply too good. Also, it’s not like we saw the “ghost” of the child every day. He would appear randomly, sometimes after a gap of almost a month. By the time we got over the shock of the initial sightings, we had other things to worry about like getting a job, becoming financially independent, and getting our final-year academic projects approved. After a point anyway, your life starts resembling that of a ghost and the “real ones” start to matter less. – Ana, 32

‘By night, the entire cupboard had peeled, revealing a soot-covered, horribly discoloured surface. Our cat started to contort her body and licked the cupboard’

In a city like Mumbai, having an expansive cupboard is a luxury. After all, the rooms are mostly matchbox-sized and there is little space for anything else. It’s a miracle if you can even fit your study table inside. So, you can imagine my surprise when I saw my room had a massive cupboard that looked like it was from the 1800s – heavily embellished and totally out of place in a new building like ours. This was in 2017. We wanted to remove it, but the landlord said that it would be impossible to take it out without breaking it into pieces. 

The cupboard that often peels mysteriously and where the cat contorts her body eerily.
The cupboard that often peels mysteriously and where the cat contorts her body eerily. Photo courtesy Sanjay.

On the first day itself, the colour of the cupboard changed to black. We thought it was some sort of oxidation. By the night, the entire cupboard had peeled, revealing a soot-covered, horribly discoloured surface. Our cat started to contort her body and licked the cupboard. Apparently, the previous tenant was a model who had poisoned herself and was discovered inside the cupboard almost three days later after taking her own life. We found out about this through our neighbours only a month later, by which time it was too late because the contract had already been signed. Also, we had properly settled in by then. We didn’t want the pain of finding a new house all over again in a city like Mumbai where landlords have their own set of weird rules for bachelors. – Sanjay, 35

‘Just last month, when I was sitting in the car outside my home, I saw her agitatedly knocking on the car window. For the next two weeks, I was bedridden with fear’

In the state of Uttar Pradesh, child marriages are common, and girls as young as eight or nine are married off to older men in their sixties and seventies. One such couple, where the girl was in her late teens and the man his 60s, had rented a room right next to our haveli [a traditional townhouse] in the city of Lucknow, in India, in July 2019. 

Everyone assumed this was going to be one of those unhappy marriages involving two jaded people. But soon, they were madly in love with each other. You could see them holding hands, drinking tea on the patio, and going for dinners. When he passed away, she was shattered. Within a week, she passed away, too, under mysterious circumstances. No one to this day knows why. Some suspect she died by suicide; others say his debtors killed her. 

The locked room where the couple stayed in Suhasi's ancestral haveli complex.
The locked room where the couple stayed in Suhasi's ancestral haveli complex. Photo courtesy Suhasi Mittal.

The shadow of that tragedy followed our home, too. We would see her clothes in our home, outside our gates, and her metallic jewellery would also be seen scattered around. Just last month, when I was sitting in the car outside my home, I saw her agitatedly knocking on the car window. For the next two weeks, I was bedridden with fear. Our haveli comes under the heritage category and has a lot of value attached to it. We can’t afford to abandon our ancestral home despite the strange but tragic incident. – Suhasi Mittal, 27

Follow Arman on Instagram and Twitter.

This article was updated in October 2023 to include links to VICE content.

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z34m59Arman KhanDhvani SolaniAviva DharmarajHaunted HousesGhostsparanormal encountersrental homeLife
<![CDATA[Would You Break Up if Your Partner Won’t Post You on Instagram?]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/7kxegg/would-you-break-up-if-your-partner-wont-post-you-on-instagramThu, 28 Sep 2023 10:15:00 GMT“I don’t want you to post me on Instagram,” I said to my partner a few months after getting together. “I want you to want to post me on Instagram. There’s a difference.” He looked at me with the confused gaze of a man who hadn’t posted online even once in the past eight years. I’m an extremely online person who managed to fall for a guy who didn’t even know how to share a post to his Instagram story, and in the early days of our relationship his steadfast offline-ness was one of the most annoying aspects of my life.

Technology has forever changed the delicate landscape of relationships for Gen Z. From online dating, ghosting, ‘phubbing’, soft launching and thirst trapping to the gripping act of a celebrity deleting all their photos with their spouse as the first sign of a divorce announcement – the beginnings and ends of our relationships nowadays are often heralded with digital acts. But for Gen Z, a generation whose everyday existence is inseparable from the internet, the time spent in a relationship is equally affected. Bumble’s Love Unfiltered Report 2023, which examines how Indians between the ages of 18 and 26 approach romance, found that 27% of the over 1,000 respondents want someone they are dating to post about them on social media.

So what happens when they… don’t?

“During the initial stages of our relationship, it was established she didn’t care if I posted about her or not but she would deactivate her Instagram account every time I posted my friends,” a 21-year-old student from New Delhi, Aditya, tells me. “She felt insecure that I was having ‘more’ fun with my friends. I tried to balance and post her every time I posted about my friends, but it felt extremely artificial to me.” Aditya, who requested to go by his first-name only to protect the identity of his ex, isn’t the only person for whom erratic online behaviour led to a break up. Priya Chaudhary, a 27-year-old social media manager from NCR, says her ex-boyfriend's refusal to post anything about her despite posting other people signalled a lack of care. “His reasons sounded like excuses… It bothered me because it felt like I wasn’t as important as these other people he posted, and I felt that if the roles were reversed and it bothered my partner, I would have posted just to ensure that they don’t feel that way.”

Research suggests that social media exacerbates existing differences between couples – and why wouldn’t it? What we do on the internet is a digital translation of our social behaviour and we now rely on it to find, form, and maintain relationships. Gen Z is digitally unique – we are a ‘cusp’ generation. Most of us haven’t been born into technology like Gen Alpha, which means that there are still people who, despite having the privilege of internet access, choose not to share their life online. So what happens when people who are in otherwise happy relationships simply have different levels of comfort with social media?

In the past few years, ‘offline partner’ entered our digital lexicon as several celebrity ‘it girls’ started dating men with zero social media presence. Someone who can tune out the noise and live in the present moment? The idea sounds very healthy, but does it remedy an unmet desire of PDA?

“I am active online but my partner isn’t and, while I posted with him, he didn’t repost or post with me for a long time. I was disappointed and brought it up so he asked me, ‘Would you be okay if I do something I am not comfortable doing just to make you happy?’ That is when I realised that we aren’t all equally adept online and it may not be that important,” says Taru, 26, a New Delhi-based PR professional, explaining how communication resolved her relationship conflict. “I’ve heard stories where people almost coax their partner into posting them… I feel I am in a healthy relationship overall and I’d choose this everyday over him posting me but not being comfortable.”

Talking to a third party can also help acknowledge the efforts your partner does put in. As Jaipur-based Nikita Sharma, 24, spoke to me about her seven-year relationship with an ‘offline partner,’ she found some clarity. “Writing this response made me realise that it's okay if someone does not want to be active on social media but sometimes we are so much drawn towards seeking attention from our partners publicly that we tend to overlook everything that happens off social media,” she says in a message.

I’m not advocating for every extremely-online partner to compromise or settle for no posting – I’m not Sima aunty and this isn’t Indian Matchmaking. Extreme stubbornness to stay offline with no room for negotiation can be a red flag too. Rochi Zalani, 24, a writer from Bangalore, experienced this. “In my last relationship, my partner didn't want to accept our relationship publically even after five plus years. I remember I once commented on all his old YT videos just to be cute and supportive, and he deleted them all because someone might encounter the pattern and discover our relationship. Broke my heart,” she tells me. “In my current relationship, there's no social media ‘guideline’ and I love it. I share photos with him and he reshares them, I comment on his pictures and he loves it. The behaviour carries outside of social media too: he accepts me publically, and doesn't want to hide our relationship under a rug. Makes me feel more confident in his commitment and good about myself in general.” 

When handled with care, online-offline relationships can not only be fulfilling but also very entertaining. I have a good laugh every time I get a DM in the middle of the night with a question (“Can you explain what ‘that girl’ means?”) or a flex (“Learnt a new word: eepy!”). And every time an offline partner posts you, you know they put in effort. According to Bumble’s report, 31% of Indian Gen Z respondents also want to take part in social media trends with their partner, emulating what they consider #couplegoals. “Recently when the ‘With You’ trend was going on, he learnt how to edit a reel and made one for me,” Taru says. “But he didn’t post it. So I do see his effort, which is what matters.”

Even influencers, whose lives are curated for public consumption, must navigate digital boundaries. Ritvi Shah, a 23-year-old content creator based in Mumbai who also has a joint Instagram account with her partner Sarthak, says it’s important to understand how your partner likes to express themselves. “… It’s not that Sarthak doesn’t like to post about us. It’s simply that his immediate reflex is to express gratitude in person rather than posting about it,” she explains. “I wouldn’t call it a ‘compromise’ but it’s more of an understanding that he has his way of showing gratitude and I have mine. As long as we don’t stop doing the little things for each other, offline or online.” Sarthak, Ritvi says, has never made her feel like her job is an imposition. “Even though what I do is exactly the opposite of his personal work, he takes so much interest in it, whether it be taking my pictures, filming, setting up for a shoot,” she shares. 

But Ritvi recommends taking what you see online with a pinch of salt. “Just because we don’t post our relationship struggles doesn’t mean they don't exist.” There are Reddit threads dedicated to analysing celebrity relationships – like Kusha Kapila’s recent divorce or Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner’s separation – because people are always shocked at the breakdown of a pair that seemed perfectly happy online.

“Earlier, we compared our relationship with what we thought others had, but now we see that on social media – and the highlights shown on social media are thought of as reality, making the comparison worse,” says Drishti Jaisingh, Rehabilitation Council of India Clinical Psychologist and couple’s therapist. “… ‘X does it, why can't my partner?’ is something I often hear in sessions.”

It can be easy to dismiss the desire to be posted by a partner as ‘performative,’ were it not for the fact that we are, ultimately, performing for ourselves – trying to look happy while also trying to be happy, online or offline. While it is tempting to think of such relationship problems as something new created by the recent all-pervasiveness of social media in our lives, if you peel a few layers back, you realise that the core issues are the same ones that we’ve been dealing with for decades – insecurity, unequal love, and the self-doubt we face when we choose to be truly vulnerable in front of our partners.

Instagram or Twitter don’t invent new relationship worries – they complicate the ones we already have. “Remind yourselves that the strength and trust in the real relationship is more important than social media,” advises Ruchi Ruuh, Bumble India’s Relationship Expert. “Both partners should reach a consensus on how and what they want to achieve through social media.”

This consensus will look different for every relationship. For my partner and I, it looks a little like this: he shares radically new perspectives from beyond my algorithmic echo chamber, logs in biweekly to a Twitter account made only to like all my Tweets, and proudly shares my work every time I get published. On my part, I take active consent every time I post him, and we frequently reaffirm our mutual desire to not ‘content-ify’ ourselves.

What you want to post or want the other to want to post is an easier conversation to have when you both know that what you actually really want is for both of you to be happy.

Follow Ria Chopra on Twitter and Instagram.

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7kxeggRia ChopraRhea ArorarelationshipsSexGen ZSocial MediaDating
<![CDATA[Why Are Many Indians Fixated With The Purity of Their Bloodline?]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/5d9ymx/why-are-many-indians-fixated-with-the-purity-of-their-bloodlineSat, 15 Jul 2023 10:33:10 GMTLove and discrimination collided when a friend of mine ventured into the realm of dating apps with only one goal in mind — to find her a life partner. Little did she know that her search would lead her to a man who was everything she desired, except for one divisive factor. He was a Brahmin, she was a Dalit. The man’s family would never bring a Dalit bride into the family “because they didn't want to spoil their bloodline”.

Multiple friends have told me how their families have unleashed one decree upon them — they can never marry a Muslim. In their eyes, Muslims are deemed unworthy of their affections, their blood impure because of decades of “interbreeding and problematic family practices”. At the same time, Muslims are not free from similar prejudices. In many places in India, somebody who is a Syed will only marry another Syed — the same is often true for Pathaans, Sheikhs and Siddiquis. But why do Indians think of ‘blood purity’ when it comes to marriage, even if the idea has been disproved scientifically? The answer lies in our history.

“The arrangement of marriage has always been political in India, and an attempt by families to bound within a tight set of boundaries the question of reproduction. Historically, marriage had been a way by which societies decided how they are controlling the transfer of women from one clan to another,” said Uma Chakravarti, a historian and leading scholar on women's and feminist history writing in the Indian subcontinent. Her books ‘Gendering Caste through a Feminist Lens’ and ‘Shadow Lives: Writings on Widowhood’ are considered some of the most respected academic writings on women’s history in India.

According to Chakravarti, this idea of ‘blood purity’ is closely linked to the concept of caste. “Here, caste becomes extremely important. In fact, I often say blood is caste and caste is blood. What is interesting and important is, at what point do you begin to feel that the bloodline has to be controlled to retain certain notions of purity across time. It’s primarily men who have been making these decisions, but women are also consenting agents in that whole process,” she said.

Controlling reproduction 

The concept that one can control the genetic quality of a population by reproducing only with those with desirable traits is known as eugenics — the primary idea behind this insistence on marrying with the ones who have pure blood or similar bloodline as their own. Eugenics has had a troubled history marred by its association with fascist ideologies of the twentieth century. In Nazi Germany, the state promoted selective breeding of "Aryan traits” to “improve” the German population, justifying involuntary sterilization and mass murder of the "undesirable" population, including Jews, homosexuals, transgenders and even disabled people.

While the horrors of Nazi Germany's experiments may have made the world recoil, India's engagement with ‘blood purity’ is often disguised as progressive policies — supported by a legal framework that restrict inter-religious marriages through its ‘love jihad’ laws and social disapproval of inter-caste marriages. Often discussed in hushed tones at family dinners, the idea of blood purity, closely linked with the concept of caste in India, has silently woven itself into the fabric of society. Its impact is so widespread that scientists say it has even left its imprint on genetics of Indians.

“In our traditions, it's not simply the expectation that you need to reproduce, but you also need to get your women from outside of your own little reproductive circle! Then exogamy comes into existence, which means you must marry outside of your particular lineage,” said Chakravarty. “Managing reproduction at a political and social level is fairly rampant. It is also a way to ensure that the property is kept within the family or the social group,” she added.

Another manifestation of eugenics in India can be seen in the cases of selective abortions. India has a deeply entrenched preference for male children. In many states in India, ultrasound technology, intended for medical diagnostic purposes, became a tragic tool for killing a girl child in the womb of the mother. In states like Haryana, it became so big that it began skewing the gender ratio.

The politics of marriage 

If one looks at history, it’s evident how the idea of marriage in India, and to some extent, across the world, has been political. Recorded history has numerous examples of kings, princes and ministers using marriage as a way to increase their influence and power. Even in today’s times, the political discourse surrounding marriage in India exposes the underbelly of a society grappling with conflicting ideologies, gender inequality, and the interplay of traditional values with the winds of change.

“Why marriage has to be so highly controlled in South Asia is because of interplay of the blood, land, and property. For instance, all communities don't have land. For them, blood is the deciding factor. For them, the purity of the marriage yields the purity of the blood, and so eugenics decides what is permissible and what's not,” Chakravarti said. “Overall, the woman is reduced to being a womb to be implanted by somebody. It's a combination of patriarchy, eugenics, bloodline, inequality and hierarchy,” she added.

Dipankar Gupta, an Indian sociologist and public intellectual, disagrees that eugenics is a factor but concurs that caste still controls the idea of marriage. “The last bastion of caste is marriage. Everywhere else, the idea of caste has taken a beating in terms of jobs and inter-dining restrictions. It has also taken a beating in terms of location of individuals, reducing segregation in many spaces,” says Gupta who has written several books, including “Revolution from Above: India's future and the Citizen Elite” and “Interrogating Caste: Understanding Hierarchy and Difference in Indian Society.” 

Gupta believed that caste still predominantly controls marriages in rural India, but its hold in urban India is diminishing with time. “In rural areas, everybody knows everybody and where everybody is, therefore that amount of surveillance on the lives of individuals is much higher. In cities, because of urbanization, people of different castes mingle and out of that marriages will happen,” he said.

Chakravarti, on the other hand, believes this cycle will not be broken anytime in near future. “In India, the purity of a group is tied up in its traditional hierarchical systems. The mode of reproduction ensures that that hierarchy also gets reproduced at the end of the day. It is this hierarchy that controls reproduction that will ensure the perpetuation of this cycle keeps on going,” she said.

The way ahead

So, will marriages in India ever be free of these restricting factors? Gupta said this will eventually happen but it will take another 40-50 years. “With urbanization, what happens is that a boy can meet a girl under circumstances which cannot be controlled by their elders. They can’t determine who their neighbour is going to be, who their son or daughter will meet in the market, at the bus stop, in the school, college, or job. So over a period of time, you'll find that these restrictions fade away because of urbanization, and not because of people becoming advanced in their thinking,” said Gupta.

Chakravarti believes it’s unlikely for these restricting factors to fade away in near future, but she is hopeful, from time to time, love will keep disrupting these shackles of society. “Falling in love, choosing your own partner, developing a feeling-based relationship or wanting to stay with them or deciding to marry them, will not be accepted anytime soon because it disrupts the structure. I believe that falling in love is the most disruptive thing in the world and it will remain this disrupting factor for a long time.”

Follow Zeyad Masroor Khan on Instagram and Twitter

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5d9ymxZeyad Masroor KhanZeyad Masroor KhanCulturemarriage, caste, eugenics, blood, bloodline, Uma Chakravarti, Dipankar GuptamarriagecasteeugenicsBloodbloodlineUma ChakravartiDipankar Gupta
<![CDATA[Is Being a Functioning Stoner a Myth or a Reality?]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/dy3dgy/is-being-a-functioning-stoner-a-myth-or-a-realityFri, 14 Jul 2023 10:42:52 GMTWhen Snoop Dogg sang, “Smoke weed everyday” in his famous 2000 song, he meant it. The rapper allegedly smokes up 150 joints on a given day, and even has his own personal blunt roller who is handsomely paid for the job. Even for an experienced stoner, that’s a bit too much. If I had to smoke 150 joints and show up somewhere, you can bet your ass I am never getting anywhere. 

Smoking up on a daily basis is quite the norm for a lot of young people in India now. Gone are the days where “the stoner” was the epitome of lackadaisical behaviour, devoid of life goals, parked on a couch with a bong, and clueless to his surroundings. The modern-day stoner is functional - which means they are high as a kite, but nary a soul around them is wise about the fact. 

A functioning stoner can really be defined in two ways technically. One is the stoner who smokes up through the day, spacing the high much like their willingness to live, and second is the stoner who needs a joint ready before undertaking any task, from the minutest task like jogging to the most important life-altering events like a job interview. 

The fact that marijuana use leads to sedentary behaviour has already been debunked by science. In fact, in some cases, people who get stoned prefer getting out and doing things more, instead of just being set in one place like a rock. So now that that argument is out of the window, what are the pros and cons of smoking weed like popping candy?

The Benefits

  • For a lot of stoners, getting high helps them get in the zone and hyper focus on one particular task that needs their attention the most. 
  • People who smoke the sativa strain of marijuana have more energy and feel a creative boost. Indica on the other hand is for relaxation.
  • You can keep your daily anxiety and those pesky over-analysing thoughts at ease by nursing a joint.
  • This is the state in which most artists would love you to consume their content tbh.

The Drawbacks

  • The flipside of focusing on something too hard is that you tend to forget other basic shit like breakfast or a shower.
  • The munchies, while welcome, can lead to unnecessary eating and stomach bugs when you tend to come down from the high.
  • Stoner breath, much like smoker breath, is a thing. And your clothes and your fingers will end up smelling like you were in a farm burning literal weeds.
  • The long term effects of weed on your brain are still being debated, but research also points to the fact that it is reversible, again based on how much damage has already happened. And such cases are far in between. 

What Do The Functional Stoners Feel

  • I smoke a joint when I wake up around 7 am. By the time I leave, I have made another one and I usually smoke it on the way to work, around 10:30 am. I work in advertising at an MNC and I largely have creative designs or ideas to make or get made. Then I smoke a joint in my car around 2:30 pm, work some more, and roll one as soon as I reach home around 6 pm. Then I chill, meet friends, and smoke up some more. Then it’s dinner time and I go to bed reading or watching something. Rinse and repeat. 

    It’s really hard for me to focus or sit still. Weed helps me to sit still and focus. Music sounds MUCH better. I'm not as aggressive as a person and I am able to tolerate this fucking heat in Delhi slightly better if I’m stoned. Food tastes nicer, I’m not as anxious. What else could a compressed ball of anxiety or manic energy ask for really?
    - Rajat, 31, Advertiser
  • Honestly, the first time I smoked up I was over the moon because I'd never experienced a state of mind so different from the usual. It helped me disconnect from my depression, made me feel happy and euphoric after ages. I’d say alcohol doesn't even come close. I have been smoking almost everyday for the last 5 to 6 years. It’s obviously not easy because some dealers will sell you spiked shit, and then there’s the cops. My family keeps giving me shit for smoking up, treating me like an addict who needs rehab. I do admit I might be psychologically addicted even though physical addiction is impossible for weed. But it's pretty much the only thing that doesn't harm me a lot and keeps me emotionally calm and stable. Otherwise I'm usually very anxious and short-tempered.
    - Vikram, 30, Marketing Professional
  • I’ve been smoking up pretty much all day every day for over a decade and a half. I find it really helps me with my creativity and work. Music becomes some sort of 3D visual in my head when I smoke. I have no problem working when I’m not stoned. But I find making art (music for no commercial purpose) quite hard without being stoned. In fact, being stoned helps me to focus on the job at hand. I’m currently not smoking everyday. That tends to make me think about too many things. And to worry about stuff. Put a spliff in my mouth and my brain goes, “Okay buddy, let’s work. Here's an idea every few seconds.”
    - Rocky, 44, Musician
  • I started using pot when I was 24 and in the beginning it was a fun experience. Soon, it became something I would heavily depend on for the next 4 to 5 years. I started going to therapy specifically to deal with this because I realised that I didn’t like doing anything without being high but I was also not doing anything with full focus and attention. I figured that I was sorely lacking a purpose, wasn’t working on any aspects of my health and struggled to do anything socially that didn’t involve friends coming over to get stoned.

    It’s been over a year now that I’ve got it under control and I’m way more active physically and mentally. I do use a pure CBD oil when I have body pains or an occasional trouble sleeping but it’s always my last resort approach. What got me so hooked to it was that I didn’t like what I was doing [in life], but weed helped numb that debilitating emotion, making it a lot more bearable to get through my day. Instead of fixing the root of my issue, I was treating the symptoms instead.
    - Maya, 30, Tech Founder 
  • I do believe it’s possible to function throughout the day, but I also do feel that my productivity as a stoner is different from my regular productivity. It’s not the amount of work sometimes but the quality of the output. Also I don’t know if this is a stoner thought but also it depends on the stuff you’re smoking and what kind of work vibe you get into.
    - Rishabh, 30, Rapper
  • I’ve been smoking up on and off for the last 10 odd years, a lot of times during the day as well. If my work involves research and doing my own thing then I tend to get high. And if I’m interacting with people on a certain day, then I manage it well and smoke up only after the meetings. I’ve never been one to just vegetate after a few joints. Smoking up often has helped me be more creative and think on different tangents. I have done some of my best writing while I’m high. So I’ve followed this simple rule of writing while I’m high and editing while I’m sober. 
    - Vaibhav, 30, Marketer at an Edtech startup.
  • I think for people like me who have borderline ADHD, being stoned really helps. I have a joint and a cup of coffee in the morning around 9 am and do the same in the evening around 4 pm. It helps with my concentration and decreases my hyperactivity of walking around the house or getting distracted over nothing. If I’m stoned and I have work, I’m not getting up till I’m done.
    - Simran, 25, Communications lead
  • I have delivered corporate board meetings while being high as a kite for one of India’s leading metals and minerals conglomerates. You become the staple boy for an “unhealthy lifestyle” because people think you’ve got red eyes in the morning because of poor sleep, but little do they know.
    - Shilpi, 29, Corporate Communications 

And lastly, some handy tips to not look like an obvious junkie while going about your day:

  • Sanitise and deodorise (see earlier point about stoner breath).
  • Use eye cooling drops, not just for the red eye but to keep your eyeballs from drying in general. 
  • Edibles are not for you if you plan to function through the day. That shit puts you out of commission.
  • Hydrate and eat on time. If you truly manage to curb the munchies, you will emerge victorious.
  • Looking high all the time does have its benefits. If your eyes are heavy all the time, they can’t tell what your sober self looks like.
  • Seriously though, much like most things in life, try moderation and you’re okay. Alcoholics could never. 

Follow Navin Noronha on Instagram and Twitter.

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dy3dgyNavin NoronhaZeyad Masroor KhanWorkWeedMARIJUANAfunctionalproductivityclientSNOOP DOGG
<![CDATA[What Is The Romantic Cost of Resistance for India’s Activists?]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/xgwge4/what-is-the-romantic-cost-of-resistance-for-indias-activistsThu, 13 Jul 2023 13:46:32 GMTAlina*, 24, was ready for a date on a cold evening in December 2022. Meeting a boy for the third time, she had brought scented candles to light up her otherwise sad hostel room in Jawaharlal Nehru University. She had even got a Netflix subscription. That was the most a girl could do for setting a romantic environment in a hostel room. 

Everything was going right. Her date was on time, had brought flowers, and was looking exquisite. But right when the contraceptive he had carefully concealed in his back pocket was about to be put to use, he got a call. “He had to leave for some idiotic protest. I swear the dhapli culture won’t let a girl get laid,” Alina told VICE. ‘Netflix and Chill’ hasn’t been the only casualty of political activism when it gets to romance. “There’s a saying in JNU, our flag and our hearts are red. Which means that love and protests go hand in hand. Well, they clearly can’t,” she added.

A relationship can sometimes fall into peril if the people involved can’t agree on colours of a curtain. But usually, a scoop of ice cream or a bouquet of flowers can fix that. However, when young Indians grapple with differences in their religious identities, sexual orientation, class, caste divisions and what to do about it, the resulting conflicts become challenging to navigate, often leaving behind lasting scars and traumas.

Shivangi Bhardwaj, a 28-year-old is an example. She thought she had found a match in all respects. Their families had met. They had gone on a couple of fun dates. They had similar music tastes. A week before the engagement in 2019, however, Shivangi, a post-grad student at Delhi University, received a call to join a protest against the Citizenship Amendment Act and National Register of Citizens. And that is when things changed.

“It was not even that he had different political views. He liked Marxism. He read Camus. He was also a liberal like me, and even a feminist. We agreed on most political thoughts… He was also against the CAA. He just didn’t want to do anything about it,” said Shivangi. They broke up soon after. Her ex-boyfriend did not want her to be involved in anything that could jeopardise her safety, she explained. “What he did not understand was how significant politics was for me. And that I could not just sit there and do nothing.”

Shivangi or Alina* are not alone with their heartaches. Love is mostly a complex dance, often entangled with the intricacies of political ideologies and societal beliefs. Some say love can conquer all boundaries. In India, however, some boundaries are proving to be too hard to overcome: the lines of political activism.

With the nation witnessing several massive protests in the last few years, the younger population, especially college students, are undergoing a political and social awakening. And this awakening, at least for some, has not been a very bright ray of sunshine for their romance. Romantic relationships can be fraught with challenges stemming from communalism, racism, sexism, casteism, homophobia, disability, and Islamophobia. Within this multifaceted landscape, young couples have been navigating the treacherous terrain of differing viewpoints, often leading to fights, heartbreaks, and, at times, irreparable separations. 

For Ritu* and Rajat, a married couple in their late twenties, political activism became the unwelcome wedge that drove them apart. Rajat's family held conservative views that clashed with Ritu's progressive ideals. "We tried to bridge the divide, but the constant pressure from Rajat's family to conform to their traditional values became unbearable. When I went out for a day at an anti-caste protest at Jantar Mantar, my picture went up on a website. As soon as my upper-caste in-laws saw that, it became a chaos at home," Ritu revealed with a heavy heart. "Rajat* was not casteist, but he tried to imply that maybe I should avoid protests for the sake of the family. Ultimately, I made the difficult decision to separate, realising that my political association had irreparably damaged our relationship."

In understanding the impact of politics on relationships, Dr. Anika Sharma, a relationship coach based in New Delhi, sheds light on the subject. "Politics and political activism can significantly influence the dynamics of a relationship," Dr. Sharma explained. "Beliefs and values rooted in political ideologies shape how individuals perceive the world, often leading to conflicts with their partners who hold contrasting viewpoints,”

However, these costs of resistance on romantic relationships have not been a surprise for everyone. Abid Ahmad, a 26-year-old software engineer in Baroda, had a much deeper experience. “I was studying in Aligarh, and talking to a childhood sweetheart since before my undergrad began. In a way, it was one of the longest talking stages of my life, it encompassed four years. My years were fraught with a series of political events taking place. There was the Jinnah portrait protest, and then there were the CAA-NRC protests, and then the protests against Hindutva men lynching and killing Muslims,” Ahmad told VICE.

His voice became heavier as he recounted, “I became more and more political, and my conversations became more and more tense. The earlier conversation with her revolved around ‘take care’, which then turned into ‘be cautious’, then into ‘you’re being reckless and dangerous’, and finally into ‘choose me or activism’. And I didn’t want to,” said Ahmad.

Azad, an LGBTQ+ rights activist, shared their painful experience. "I wasn’t very open about my identity as a trans person, except at protests and demonstrations. Most days it was a struggle juggling my identity with my personal relations. During the protests around the judgment on section 377 which criminalized gay sex, I would often have quarrels with my significant other," Azad recounted. "I wasn’t even an activist, not according to me. I just wanted to express my feelings on my politics and identity,” he added.

Dr. Sharma emphasised the importance of open communication and mutual respect when navigating political disparities in relationships. "Creating a safe space for dialogue where both partners feel heard and respected is crucial," she advised. "It allows couples to address their concerns, explore different perspectives, and find common ground while acknowledging their individual beliefs."

Often, though, these differences are unsurmountable. “I cannot be with someone who does not understand that my political identity is as much a part of me as my gender is. I don’t want to date a girl because I am straight, in much the same way, I don’t want to date a guy who is apolitical, because I am sane. Yet, the heart wants what it wants. I still get sad remembering him,” Shivangi said.

GettyImages-1016505874.jpg
Umar Khalid and Banojyotsna Lahiri at the Constitution Club in New Delhi. Photo by Qamar Sibtain/The India Today Group via Getty Images

Unfortunately, some costs for political activism have been almost too heavy to bear. Take the case of Umar Khalid and Banojyotsna Lahiri, both activists from JNU. Since 2013, approximately 10 years, they’ve been together. More than a 1000 days of that duration, they’ve been in a “long distance” relationship, because Umar has been put in jail for that time, allegedly for inciting violence, a charge that has been described by international organisations and political activists as witch-hunting for protesting for religious freedom. 

When asked, almost cruelly, if there are any particular anecdotes Banojyotsna remembered that made her and Umar apprehensive about their relationship and each other’s safety, she replied, almost poignantly, “Just take a look at our case files. Of course, we were apprehensive. He was vilified on national media, then actually shot at, and now, we await justice, just so that he can breathe freely.” Umar’s bail hearing was postponed to the 24th of July, recently. 

Protests and resistance can bring about change, definitely. But they have also been bringing about a lot of destruction in their wake, in life, love, and especially in love lives, of young people. 

*Name has been changed at the request of the subject.

Follow Ansab Amir Khan on Instagram and Twitter

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xgwge4Ansab Amir KhanZeyad Masroor KhanrelationshipsRomanticprotestactivismActivistLove LifeUmar khalidBanojyotsna Lahiri
<![CDATA[The Secret Life Of A Delhi Pickpocket]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/pkak8g/euphoria-and-tragedy-of-being-a-pickpocket-in-delhiFri, 07 Jul 2023 08:54:50 GMTAshwin’s* descent in the dark underworld of Delhi’s criminal gangs began when he was just a school student. A classmate at his senior secondary school in Badarpur, a lower-income neighbourhood on the outskirts of India’s national capital, introduced him to this world. Ashwin’s shock knew no bounds when this friend told him that everyday after school on his way back home, he picked pockets of people travelling in buses.

After this revelation came an offer that Ashwin promptly accepted because of the easy money that came with it. His new friend asked Ashwin to act as a carrier — the person who carries the stolen phone or wallet to safety. For the easy task of just carrying a phone for some distance, he’d earn Rs 200, a considerable sum for an eleventh standard kid.

“You cannot escape bad company in Badarpur, regardless of your background. If you come from a good family, who will be your companions? How long can you withstand the environment of this place?” he asked me, when I met him at a tea shop in Badarpur, a stone’s throw away from the inter-city bus terminal, the area’s biggest landmark.

Pickpockets have existed in human society for centuries, with their sleight of hand being captured in art and literature, including Charles Dickens’ 1838 novel ‘Oliver Twist’. The skill of pickpocketing has also been used as a source of entertainment in magicians’ shows, with some of these pickpocketing magicians becoming the highest paid performers in European circuses!

In India, thugs have been picking people’s pockets for centuries. In New Delhi, the intricate network of pickpockets have operated for decades in crowded markets and touristy areas. Despite efforts like police patrolling, CCTV surveillance and public awareness campaigns, pickpockets continue to operate in New Delhi.

Tricks of the trade

As Ashwin became one of them, he learnt the tricks of the trade from his friend — picking pockets of unsuspecting people in buses, metro and shared autos on the streets of New Delhi. Soon he would understand that pickpocketing is, after all, an art of using your fingers with stealth, combined with misdirection. “Blades as tools were those for amateurs,” he believes. He’d also get familiar with the slang used by pickpockets. Their codewords for a smartphone is ‘teeli’ (matchstick) while money in an inside pocket is ‘chacha’ (uncle).

“In a crowded bus, one boy would massage the thighs of our target. In that state, the person begins to feel comfortable. This is when the other boy would take out the teeli from his pocket,” said Ashwin. “In my team, there were experts who could even take out money from inside your wallet! To take out the ‘chacha’, one boy pushes a man's stomach, while another uses a string to take out money from the wallet,” he added, taking a sip of tea as buses that ferried people to different parts of Delhi and Haryana kept passing and blaring horns that created a cacophony that is part of lives of most who travel in these buses.

However, the costliest phones are not carried by bus passengers, but by the slightly better-off ones who travel in metros. “We’d strike when people were either getting onto or out of the train. It's the time they are most distracted,” Ashwin said. Hundreds of pickpockets keep getting arrested by CISF every year at metro stations, with alerts for passengers being issued by police and pickpockets apprehended from time to time.

Ashwin was never caught in a metro though. Blinded by the riches coming his way, he got hooked onto drugs. “Once you start using drugs to escape the poverty surrounding you, they become an integral part of your life. To sustain that addiction, you require more money," he added.

It was the lure of money that led him to join a notorious gang of pickpockets, run by a longtime criminal with a history of involvement in illegal possession of firearms, extortion, assault and murder. “At first, they splurged money on us, then trained us in better ways to pick pockets. Soon I was earning Rs 20,000 per day for the gang. One fourth of the sum would go to them, while the rest was divided among the boys who carried out the operation,” said Ashwin.

The different units of the gang worked in shifts — one group worked during the morning rush hour, while another one performed their duties in the evening. The territories were also divided by route numbers of buses. If one group chose a bus, the other won’t get onto it. “There is that kind of respect," said Ashwin. In this life of youthful euphoria and adventure, Ashwin dropped out of his school.

Though he was a new entrant, the seniors in the gang were hardened criminals, not averse to using violence at the slightest need. While some of the gang members would scare their victims by self-harm, others would simply attack the victim. “When he was caught picking someone’s pocket on the street, a gang member attacked the victim with a knife, slashing his arms. When the guy tried to resist, the pickpocket hit his own head on a stone lying nearby. The victim was stunned to even move. The robber crossed the road with his wallet, washed the blood and went his way,” Ashwin told me.

The blackmail

When Ashwin was arrested by the police in New Friends Colony, the seeds of doubt were sown in his mind. However, he’d find out it’s not as easy to get out of a pickpocketing gang as it is to get in. When he stopped providing them their daily share, they began to threaten him on his phone, and whenever they found him roaming in their locality, beat him up. “They had goons at each and every corner who used to inform them where I was,” he said.

To avoid contact with the gang, Ashwin changed his number, but that didn’t help — he was caught in a vicious circle. “Consider this: I am a pickpocket and a criminal. Even the police know what I do. If I don’t follow their dictates, the gang can get me arrested through their contacts in the police. I will then be beaten up, tortured or arrested by the police itself,” he said. This was the time the gang would try playing the saviour and pay for his release — the debt that they had to repay by picking pockets for them again.

This was not the only way gang members tried to get Ashwin back in the fold. Once when he was travelling in a bus, some gang members tried to slash his face and ended up cutting his arms. “It was my fortune that their blades were small. I ran from the bus as fast as I could. I began travelling by metro,” he said as he showed me marks from the attack on his arms.

On another occasion, the gang members chased Ashwin on a bike in Gautampuri area in South Delhi. “I saved myself by running through the street to find refuge in a police chowki. Instead of helping me, the old cop sitting there just asked me to go home. My friend came to pick me up from there,” he said.

Moving ahead

With time, the gang lost interest in Ashwin, and got back to recruit more enthusiastic young boys from schools in Badarpur. Ashwin keeps hearing stories of kids from his own school still joining pickpocketing gangs. “The government schools in the area are still the best recruiting place for pickpockets. They see it as a shortcut,” he said.

Ashwin has now found a job and intends to start his life afresh. “I don’t hang around in my colony anymore, and mostly keep to myself. I keep thinking about leaving Badarpur but Delhi is an expensive city. Where will I go?," he said.

When I asked him if he still picks pockets of people for himself, he replied in negative. "I have quit that life for now forever. I will not come back to it ever," he said. But the way his eyes lit up while he scanned the people getting onto the row of green and red buses at the terminal, I had my doubts. 

*Name has been changed at the request of the subject.

Follow Zeyad Masroor Khan on Instagram and Twitter

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pkak8gZeyad Masroor KhanZeyad Masroor KhanCrimePickpocketbadarpurBusProfileoliver twistcopscodegang
<![CDATA[I Tried To Find Out If Legal Opium Leads To Better Erections]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/m7b7p8/i-tried-to-find-out-if-legal-opium-leads-to-better-erectionsMon, 03 Jul 2023 12:07:16 GMTWhen you visualize a typical opium user, it’s likely you’d imagine a haggard man with sunken cheeks, dilated pupils and a distant gaze; not a physically fit member of the society. 

Davinder Chauhan*, 28, works in a major IT company as a web developer in Chandigarh. He met me on his way back from his office, sitting in his rickety red car, lugging his laptop bag and wearing formal office attire. Apart from his darkened eye circles, there was no way you could predict this physically imposing man has been regularly using legal opiates for the past five years.

In his old Maruti Swift, we drove to the outskirts of Chandigarh to a nearby satellite city that technically comes under the Indian state of Punjab. We were taking a planned stop at a chemist shop. Like a man on a mission, Chauhan popped out of his Maruti Swift in a hurry, only to return five minutes later. “It really is that easy bro! That’s because I’m just buying my herbal medicine, not drugs,” he said, cracking open the branded, sealed bottle of Unani medicine with a proper foiled rim — the ingredients highlighting “Afum,” Afyun, or opium, as a fundamental key ingredient. 

Punjab’s affinity to heroin and other opiates is no breaking news. A study published by the Centre for Research in Rural and Industrial Development (CRRID) stated three out of four addicts get hooked to the high even before they turn 21. Opium, although considered an ‘old people’s drug’, is as widely accepted as a daily substance to partake as is cannabis in the rest of India. Its visual evidence can be seen in boys doing it even in the posh urban areas of Punjab. 

“Bro, I know I’m taking a standardized dose. Pure afeem will never hurt you like pharmaceuticals or alcohol because it’s natural. Even my father would often take it on a tiring day,” he said as he popped two half-a-finger nail sized pills in his mouth. Chauhan then took large gulps of a Red Bull. This was supposed to make the caffeine in the drink counter the opiate’s drowsy effects — something he claimed provides him an “energy boost without the anxiety.” 

Traditionally, opium has been thought of as a working man’s drug. Essentially an analgesic, it powered a tired, exhausted and aching working man (or woman) to go about his/her day and perform their jobs – be it constructing roads, building houses or doing intensive labour in the farm. In today’s times, it is said to help coders stay hyper-focused and keep staring at a computer screen all day. 

Unlike cannabis, one can reach the overdose threshold of opium surprisingly easily, that too with just a 400-rupee bottle. Moreover, recovery from addiction is a painfully slow process with the state-run rehabs now brimming with over 1 million addicts, apart from those who have chosen a faith-based healing approach. At the same time, overpopulated hospitals in Punjab are another hampering factor in recovery of the state’s growing addiction population.

Thanks to liberal interpretations of what constitutes a traditional medicine in India (a nation with a dedicated ministry to promote indigenous medicine), classic compositions such as Kamini Vidrawan Ras can be easily made and sold by registered Ayurvedic medicine manufacturers. Kamini Vidrawan Ras is branded as an ‘Indian Viagra’. Apart from pure opium, most such medicines contain sandalwood, nutmeg, cloves, saffron, and other variables depending on the brand. 

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MANY INDIANS GET THEIR OPIUM SUPPLY FROM ONLINE SHOPPING WEBSITES. PHOTO: RUSTAM SINGH

The FDA might warn of opiates actually causing erectile dysfunction, but users in Punjab argue to the contrary. “Bro, it will literally make your cock so hard you can fuck for hours without cumming. You simply don’t cum!” Chauhan told me, taking me to a world of eternal erections. It was a tempting offer, but risking death and crippling addiction for a harder erection hardly seemed a worthy trade-off for me. But I had to persist in my path for a journalist inquiry. 

So I met Abhimanyu Saini*, 28, who always pops a generous amount with a cup of chai before having sex with his long term girlfriend. He thinks of it being a part of their foreplay. “Opium makes repetitive tasks more pleasurable. You just feel everything is heightened and relaxed. Apart from the enhanced joy, there’s no sense of pain, no matter how hard you fuck,” Saini told me, his eyes lighting up like embers, further tempting me to try it at least once. Currently unemployed, he previously worked as a designer for an architecture studio in New Delhi. 

Medicines like Kamini Vidrawan Ras do not technically require a prescription by a licensed Ayurvedic doctor. They can be sold without a prescription if the seller has a license. This ‘indigenous medicine’ has long been abused by Indians living abroad and has frequently been warned against by authorities in Australia, with several users reported to be needing rehab

Despite periodic police raids in India, crackdowns on teenagers purchasing in bulk, and administrative actions targeting Ayurvedic shops, these products can still be found in small stores scattered throughout urban spaces, from Chandigarh to New Delhi, Mumbai to Bhopal.

Saini has been taking opiates since he was seventeen. He has hardly ever faced withdrawal symptoms as his supply is always stocked, the only exception being the COVID lockdown. That’s when he discovered he can dodge the awkward stares of judgmental chemists by simply choosing to get his opium supply from online shopping websites. From leading online retailers like Flipkart and Amazon to online medicine shops like 1mg, a tap on the app can get his opiate fix delivered at home — that too with a discount! None of these websites ask for an age verification, an ID, or a prescription. Saini’s choice for his legal opium kicks is the Unani medicine Barshasha.

Traditionally prescribed as a medicine for acute coughs, cold, chest pains, lack of virility, and digestive ailments, it comes in a sticky black tar paste form, kind of resembling the pure opium paste. It has a pungent earthy, grassy smell and tastes quite bitter despite having a high sugar base. “The trick is to dissolve it in hot chai and wait for it to kick in just fifteen minutes. You’ll start laughing,” Saini said. 

But I was afraid. A solitary bottle, if consumed by someone who does not use opioids, can lead to perilous consequences such as profound respiratory inhibition or even loss of life. For a measly 400 rupees, one can get a whole jar, which contains opium purer and more potent than the one found on the street corners of Punjab. Some brands even come with their own opium spoon in the packaging! 

Caught between fear and temptation, I decided to take the plunge, if only for the spirit of journalistic research. So, I ordered some of the most popular brands through Flipkart. I was lured by the one for which the user reviews stated: “Get this one, this one really has the kicks!” 

Just like any standard e-commerce order in India, the packages were delivered within a few days, no questions asked. My current partner frowned at the idea of me trying this medicine with its so-called sexual enhancement powers. She suggested I use my journalistic research to pleasure myself alone in the washroom instead — my ‘scientific quest’ no match for her strong dislike for such experiments. So, I sought the platonic company of Ravi Thukral*, 28, instead.

As someone who does not indulge in substances beyond an occasional glass of wine on Christmas, and actively dodges even aspirin despite high fever, Ravi still has the curiosity of a teenager to pop anything if it promises an escape from reality. This was also a chance to cure his dust-induced-cough through standardized dosing mentioned on the packaging.

As I questioned his understanding of what technically constitutes a ‘full-spoon dose’, Ravi tried Barshasha from two different brands. ‘Is a spoon full supposed to be heaping?’ I thought. My curiosity to passively live through his experience was disturbed by his intense bouts of laughter. 

Ravi, who indulges in bhang frequently, thoroughly embraced his trip and reached for second helpings. His cervical neck pain lingering from weeks immediately vanished on taking the drug, he claimed. He was visibly slowed down in movements and speech, but not to the point of worry. Ravi later claimed he suffered acute constipation the next day, a sign of opiate ingestion.

The next day, Ravi tried Kamini Vidrawan Ras, which makes for a much cleaner, standardized method of ingestion through its pre-made ball shaped pills. The effects were quite pronounced, with him reporting better erections, getting full worth of the 80 mg of opium per pill as per the labelling. 

As I saw Ravi laughing hysterically, sipping his tea, with instant improvements in his smoker’s cough, I sent a picture of the label of the medicine to my partner, stating that the medicine promises to “thicken my semen.” I had hoped for a change of heart on her part, but she ghosted my text and left me on read. 

*Names have been changed at the request of the subjects.

Follow Rustam Singh on FB.

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<![CDATA[What's Behind The Internet's Desire To 'Eat The Rich'?]]>https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/4a3a4w/the-internet-no-more-has-patience-for-the-misery-of-rich-peopleFri, 30 Jun 2023 09:30:18 GMTIn the last few years, shows like ‘The White Lotus’ and ‘Succession’ have managed to perfectly capture the inflated egos of the wealthy by putting the microscope on what they might consider problems. For most of us plebs though, getting to work everyday to be able to use air conditioning in the summers is where it’s right now lingering at. While most of us are busy figuring out which bus will have the lowest chances of witnessing a stampede on our way to work, the rich just happen to own the bus and the road.

So it’s a no-brainer that when it comes to the suffering of the rich broadcasted in a very public manner, the common person’s sympathy is a bit skewed. “I think this is stemming from the growing and irreconcilable inequality between the rich and the poor and the persecution of communities everywhere for the crime of belonging to an oppressed class,” said Apeksha Priyadarshini, an activist and councillor at JNUSU.

If we look at it from an objective perspective, there’s always been disdain for the rich throughout history. For example, the phrase “Let them eat cake,” is famously attributed to the French queen, Marie Antoinette, who apparently said the words when asked what her starving populace should eat. The truth is, these words didn’t come to be attached to Antoinette until fifty years after her public execution, and was mostly started as a rumour to diminish her already dwindled public image. In what is a very modern retelling of the same, Elon Musk and his takeover of Twitter forced people to start making fun of the new CEO on the very site he happened to own.

When it comes down to it, the poor would rather eat the rich than the cake. Since we aren’t in the middle ages anymore, literally eating the rich would be difficult for a lot of far-left vegans. Thankfully, there’s the internet. Twitter and Reddit have been the platforms where the new movement of hating on the rich and enjoying their pain has been growing, and somehow, orcas have become the posterfish for this movement.

If you aren’t already in the know, orcas off the Strait of Gibraltar are acting erratically (albeit systematically) attacking boats and yachts, tearing off their rudders and rendering them helpless in deep seas. While normally one would empathise with the boat owners, people on the internet don’t seem to agree. In what seems like a scene from the movie ‘Avatar: The Way of Water’, these killer whales are now “orcanising” and scientists are confused as well as worried.

It’s almost routine now. Something terrible happens in the news cycle, and based on where they fall on the societal ladder, they receive condolences or memes on the internet. We are at a point in history where people from all over the world gather on the internet like a campfire to laugh at the misery of the rich — their pain and suffering becoming popcorn entertainment for most of the young masses. More recently, the Titanic submersible incident brought to the fore the fact that nothing is beyond being made fun of when it comes to the elite.

Five people have now been confirmed dead and lost to the sea in a submersible. While the panic set in for a lot of people over the wellbeing of these five individuals, users on Twitter again resorted to jokes and memes to highlight the fact that these are rich folks who should have left the Titanic alone. But such is the folly of the rich and famous, that all that money perhaps has to go somewhere for them to feel something. Anything.

Another favourite way for a lot of rich folks to kill time is trophy hunting. It is horrible, inhumane, and if you take away the guns, these hunters would barely last 15 minutes in the wilderness. So when a trophy hunter, who killed a lion for thrills, was hunted down and eaten by the dead lion’s brother, the internet of course rallied behind the lion. The lines of morality are blurry on this one, but it affirms one thing — all your shit will come to light on the internet if you’re financially well-endowed.

Like in the case of the Shein-hired influencers. Shein, the fast fashion company that sells clothing for much cheaper than its competitors, hired American influencers and creators to tour their base in China. The backlash was swift and brutal, since Shein is infamous for its terrible impact on the environment and alleged human rights abuse. It’s really difficult empathising with the ones in power when all they use their money is for furthering their own causes.

Back home in India, Youtuber and podcaster Ranveer Alahabadia (aka BeerBiceps) who garners millions of views by acting like a modern-day guru regurgitating the same BS you’ve known since Eat, Pray, Love, has been called out for selling out by inviting ministers of the ruling party onto his video podcast. While he claims that there was no exchange of money, social media users claim that platforming the people who are in power already and not asking them the pressing questions affecting the nation is absolutely tone deaf in this day and age. Indians are also seemingly wising up now — like when the richest man in the country asked Indians to support him after he was called out for fraud and money laundering.

Maybe making memes about the bad things that happen to the uber rich is a way of dealing with the fact that most of us will die in this endless cycle of shit, and for a few moments, laughing at those who have it all, makes the pain feel easier to deal with. As Priyadarshini points out, “The important question to ask is not just about where this disdain is stemming from but whether the attention these incidents have received also reflects the attention taken away from other such incidents (like a boat full of refugees capsizing off the coast of Greece). The question we should be asking is about our own humanity, and how and when did some lives become more dispensable than others.”

Follow Navin Noronha on Instagram and Twitter.

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4a3a4wNavin NoronhaZeyad Masroor KhanMemesInternetOrcasCulturebeer bicepsattacksLIONtrophyricheat the richAvatar: The Way Of The Water