We Asked People in Cringey Slogan T-Shirts 'Why?!'

Ladies and gentlemen: It's t-shirt weather. And as the temperature starts to rise—bite me you northern hemisphere plebs—the humble slogan tee emerges from hibernation, dusted after long winter months hidden under layers of jumpers.

You’ve probably seen these around. They're just any t-shirt giving passersby a 10-word life coach appointment. Some are generic: juiced-up bros in tank tops sporting, “Sweat is just weakness leaving the body.” Others are downright creepy, like the mid-40s sexual deviant wearing, “Hey ladies, free hand lotion, pump here."

So why do people wear these shirts? What made them think everyone gave a duck’s butt about their life mottos?

We walked around Melbourne to find out.

VICE: Hey Mochi, tell me about your tee.
Mochi: My uncle got it in the 90s when he went to the US. I took it from his wardrobe so it’s mine now.

You know I did exactly what your shirt warned me not to do.
Yeah, that’s right.

You seem like a nice dude anyway, surely this doesn’t reflect who you are?
I don’t think so. I don’t know if it gets much attention, but so many people ask me, “Why do you look so aggressive with that t-shirt?” These aren’t my words, it’s just words on a t-shirt.

Be honest, did you want to clock me when I came up to speak to you?
No. It’s just a t-shirt, man.

Hey Dheeraj. I’ve got to ask you about this shirt. Is "when in doubt, work out" your life motto?
Oh yeah. You need to workout or go to gym, otherwise you can’t be fit and you can’t do anything.

Have you ever thought about getting that tattooed on you?
Many times.

Safe. So, where’d you score the shirt?
I’m from India. This actor, Siddharth Malhotra, came to my university and did a function for his new movie, Brothers. They distributed these t-shirts for the movie to extend its popularity for its release, so I got one.

Is “when in doubt, work out” an actual line from the movie?
Yeah, it is.

Bro.

Hi Thuy. Your shirt isn’t really cringey, it's just an inside joke. Care to explain?
I actually made it because I study software developing. I just thought I’d put my favourite quotes on a shirt.

Is this an everyday thing for you?
Definitely. I get caught out every day.

So, the impression I get from your shirt is software developing is basically just fixing… typos?
Like, 90 percent of the time the problem is not as difficult as we think it is. So, yeah. It’s probably a typo. We all overthink things.

So, are you gonna keep printing your own favourite quotes onto your t-shirts?
I actually have one more about how engineers are magicians who can make predictions become reality, or something like that. But sure.

Brasco, be real with me. Is it OK?
Is it OK?

Is it OK?
Yeah, so-so.

Are you OK?
I’m OK, but I’m not at my best.

I’m sorry to hear that. Do you mind if I ask where you got the shirt?
I got it here in Melbourne, but I can’t remember what store. I have another one which says, "Stay true" and another which says, "What’s wrong with right now, if you don’t think about it?"

Fresh and philosophical. Very nice. Do you think we should all be asking ourselves, “It’s OK, isn’t it?”
Yeah, yeah. It’s not a bad question, but a real question—if you want to know the meaning of this life—is “Who am I?” Nothing is more important in this life than finding who you are. That is the meaning of this life, but we also live in “God’s play” and every one of us are actors. People don’t know it’s just a play. We are not body and we are not mind, and when we realise this, we’ll have no more fear of death.

Man, I need your shirts.

Hey Phillip. Judging by your shirt I’d say you’re a bit of a party animal, am I right?
Oh, yeah. I just wanna hang out every day.

Where’d you cop this doozy of a shirt?
I got it from a small town called Bagyo in the Philippines.

Favourite beer?
Asahi.

I can’t lie to you, I don’t like beer. I’m not here for the beer. What do I do about this?
Just keep drinking it. Just force it down.

Hey Russell. Tell us about the shirt, where’d you steal it from?
I didn’t steal it, it was actually given to me by my ex-wife. I’ve got a couple of others.

A couple other shirts that say the same thing?
Russell: No, I can’t remember what they say. [To friend, James] What do they say?
James: Oh, I can’t remember. I don’t spend too much time looking at your shirts. I just look at your ass all day.

Does the shirt reflect who you are?
James: I don’t think that’s what she was going for. But, yeah.

What do you reckon people think when they see a shirt like this?
Russell: Nothing good. With the looks I’ve had just coming through the city today, people automatically assume the worse.

What do you think they assume?
Russell: That my life revolves around crime.

But you’re a saint, right?
Russell: Of course, I am. I have five children, mate. Bloody oath I’m a saint.

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