Totally reasonable response.
Composite image; original via Flickr user CLF
It’s the same, tired cliche we’ve all heard many times before: “It’s not you, it’s… the popcorn.”
As reported by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, on May 27, police in Brookfield, Wisconsin responded to a domestic disturbance call at the Marcus Majestic Cinema. The woman who called the police told officers that she and her husband were waiting in line to buy popcorn when he asked her not to salt the movie snack and walked away. The woman, feeling it within her rights to salt the popcorn that she had paid for, salted the popcorn despite her husband’s request. When the husband realized what had transpired during his lapse in popcorn vigilance, he allegedly declared the couple’s marriage to be over and refused to watch the movie. His reasons? Well, his wife was unfaithful, of course, and does things behind his back—like salt popcorn. (His words.)
Then, in an act of defiance for the ages, the wife (or pending-ex-wife, I guess) took her husband’s car keys and watched the movie alone, while he presumably brooded outside the theatre, kicking rocks with his hands in his pockets and grumbling her name under his breath. (Again, just speculating here.)
After the movie ended, the woman found her husband. She continued to hold onto his keys, since, as she told officers, he drives too fast when he’s angry. The husband stood outside the car, refusing to get in, and the woman, now worried about how her husband would get home, called the police for advice. They told her to figure it out herself, and that her husband was a grown-up who could make his own decisions. According to the Sentinel, the wife confirmed that nothing physical happened, that her husband didn't threaten her in any way, and that she wasn’t worried about future physical violence.
Marriage is a tricky thing—one second you’re happy and in love, the next, your wife salts your movie popcorn and you feel that you have no choice but to divorce her. It’s a sad story—one we’ve all heard too many times before. The number of happy marriages that were ruined by unwarranted snack-salting is likely astronomical. Uncountable, even.
Anyway, what’s done is done, what’s salted is salted, and the only thing left to do is keep a closer eye on your movie snacks and maybe, uh, do something crazy and try to work on communication with your partner.
This article originally appeared on VICE US.