Tommy Wiseau's New Movie 'Big Shark' Looks Like a Bizarre, Terrible Masterpiece

You are tearing me apart, Big Shark!

|
11 February 2019, 9:59pm

Screengrab via YouTube

Tommy Wiseau may not have been able to cash in on his post-Disaster Artist fame for a starring role in the next Joker movie, but worry not! The guy is already back with a brand-new project—and the thing looks just as bizarre and shoddily made as we all want it to be.

Over the weekend, Wiseau surprise-released the first trailer for his new film, Big Shark, which is exactly what it sounds like: Tommy Wiseau directing and starring in an action movie where he goes head-to-head with a deep-sea beast. Get ready, everybody. He's tired, he's wasted, and he's coming to do battle against some sort of Jaws ripoff.

Just watch:

According to People, Wiseau and his best f(r)iend Greg Sestero star alongside some guy named Isaiah Laborde as a trio of firefighters who must save New Orleans from—yep, you guessed it—a very large shark.

Unfortunately, the minute-long clip doesn't give us much in the way of gruesome shark attacks or whatever. But we do get a peek at the fearsome CG shark right at the end, after spending an inordinately long amount of time watching Sestero get slapped (inexplicably loudly?) by two separate women.

Towards the end of the clip, the road that Wiseau and his pals are walking down starts flooding out of nowhere—prompting Wiseau to calmly remark, "Water, look at that"—before the street is suddenly submerged and a giant mouth chomps down on the women Sestero presumably wronged. The whole thing ends with one long, sustained scream from Wiseau, which already seems destined for some online soundboard.

Wiseau reportedly teased Big Shark during a screening of The Room in Germany last week. He hasn't finished shooting the film yet, and the teaser is just a way to drum up financing, but honestly, what more does anyone need than the log line "Tommy Wiseau fights a shark?" Just give him all the money already. Wiseau supposedly plans to have the thing ready to premiere in September, but he also said he'd have a musical version of The Room on Broadway in two years, so, you know, take his timelines as you will.

Let's just hope that whenever the movie comes out, it ends with some kind of bloody, Quint-style death scene, wherein Wiseau summons every last ounce of his strength to bellow, "You are tearing me apart, Big Shark!" before he finally succumbs to its mighty jaws.

This article originally appeared on VICE US.