What We Learned About Cooking Corn from KoЯn Fans

We asked KoЯn fans what their favorite ways of eating corn are, and they delivered. Turns out that a lot of them know how to cook some damn corn.

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07 July 2018, 8:37pm

Photo via Flickr user Erik Luyten

One of the best parts about summer—food-wise, anyway—is the bounty of delicious, perfectly in-season fruits and vegetables that are along for the ride. And sweet corn, obviously, is at the top of the list when it comes to backyard barbecue classics.

There are a zillion different ways to prepare it—on the cob, corn salsa, cornbread, succotash, etc. etc. And who better to narrow it down than those who eat, sleep, and breathe for its musical homophone? Yes, we're talking about KoЯn fans.

It's not too far of a stretch, honestly. Back in 2013, KoЯn grew actual corn in their studio using indoor hydroponics. Apparently, they wanted a fresh supply of their namesake veggie while they were recording their album Paradigm Shift. Plus, their fan site is called the KornRow. They're down with the corn references.

So what's up with KoЯn fans and their corn preferences? After reaching out to the band to see if they would answer our culinary questions regarding their maize-y moniker, they politely told us to fuck off. The disappointing results left us with one option, so we went on a little cruise around Reddit and some KoЯn message boards looking for some solid cooking advice.

READ: When Will the Humble Corn Muffin Get a Little Respect?

Apparently, many KoЯn fans like their corn elote-style, in the Mexican tradition of grilling whole cobs, brushing them with mayonnaise, and then rolling them in cheese and spices. "Am Mexican and I love it on the cob," Reddit user and KoЯn-lover Goosetalktome told me. "Spread mayo all over, powdered cheese (mozzarella or campesinos) and then chili powder." Iggins01 agreed. "I spent my early childhood in Los Angeles, how have I not discovered this? Now in have to go pick up some corn on my way home from work." KoЯn fans are not only teaching us their ways—they're teaching each other. These are heartwarming, grill-warming lessons.

elote-corn

Elote-style corn. Photo by Flickr user bionicgrrl.
caldo de pollo

Lmrojas echoes the elote love, combining the delicious richness of "mayo, Parmesan cheese, butter, [and] chili powder" on their grilled corn.

PraiseTheHolyTrinity also appreciates some Latin flair, as he like to eat his corn in the traditional dish , a traditional Latin-American chicken and vegetable stew.

According to our relatively small study, about 25 percent of KoЯn fans prefer theirs on the cob. Reddit user ocdudebro says, "Long time Korn fan here. Grilled, on/off the cob, it's all good." Scarletspider0725 also loves it "on the cob, and smothered in butter." Ditto Negative47, who recommends adding salt, of course. Sometimes keeping it simple might be best, after all. Freaks, sometimes, don't mind being kept on a leash.

Murphington: I just throw full ears on a hot grill, pre-shucked. When the husk starts to blacken, take them off and let them sit for 5 minutes or so. Then just shuck and put whatever you like on them. I do cracked black pepper.

And apparently, the best way to eat it is "like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck," says Sawnod:

Then, there are those who are more particular.

letstalkthings1: my favorite chinese [sic] restaurant uses corn sparingly in their egg drop soup. it's pretty good. otherwise, not much of a corn eater. my southern [sic] family loves cornbread and corn on the cob.

Perhaps letstalkthings1 forgot that egg drop soup, like many other Chinese dishes, is also thickened with KoЯnstarch.

Redskull673 is a big advocate of cornbread, and has some serious tips when it comes to making your own. "I can tell you to never add sugar," he/she says. "If it's dry and buttery then you made it right. If it's sweet then it's awful." Interesting—a proponent of dry cornbread as opposed to the moist-cornbread school of thought.

ssjmkm: Enlike [sic] Korn, I like my corn to be poppy. Kettle korn is my favorite.

Then, as one would expect from the internet, there are the fans that are either being genuinely friendly and helpful or truly crazy or incredibly trollish or some combination therein. Sic throughout:

28fredt: I like cream korn kornbread. Korn fans typically spell both Korn and corn with a K and, if questioned, insist that it is the correct spelling. As to how much korn a Korn fan consumes, I do not know, but due to korn's lack of ability to be fully digested, one possible method of obtaining data would be to compare the fecal matter found in the bathroom of a Korn concert to that of a typical public restroom.

There were a couple of mentions of "KoЯnflakes," which is interesting considering that the cereal seems passé in a post-chia pudding and açai bowl world. But then again, KoЯn fans might not be the biggest fans of juice bars and bourgeoisie brunch spots.

caldo-de-pollo-corn

Caldo de Pollo. Photo by Flickr user T. Tseng
Musefan58867Issues: I actually have a bit of trouble eating corn by itself. If I ever have it, it has to be in soup, or never

And then there's the 10 percent of KoЯn fans that don't like corn. Shocking, we know. Does this make their appreciation of the band any less valid? ... Nah. Maybe just a tad ironic.

Chlone: Listened to Korn since I was 11, am 28 now. Don't like corn. :X

Though it's not a requirement to love corn if you love KoЯn, it seems like the vast majority of the KornRow has found something to love in the crunchy, versatile summer vegetable. KoЯn fans are pretty decent cooks—some might say they've got the life.

kilo_x88, who has "Follow the Leader" status on the KoЯn subreddit, sums it up thusly: "Grilled, on the cob with salt and butter, cream corn, off the cob. Doesn't matter. Corn is love, corn is life."

This article originally appeared on VICE US.