Off the back of successful single Alive which reached #1 in Spotify's NZ/AU Top 50, 22-year-old singer-songwriter Sharnar brings us her self-directed video for ‘Breathe On Your Own.’The Samoan/Irish singer says she came up with the song after leaving a toxic relationship which hugely eroded her self-confidence. The soft-spoken but powerful vocalist describes overcoming the loss of her best friend to suicide and going through body dysmorphia as experiences that added to her desire to empower other women in her writing today. We spoke to Sharnar about how she’s found power in showing vulnerability.
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How did ‘Breathe On Your Own’ as a song come about?
When I started writing that song my ex and I had just broken up and I’d been seeing him for like three and a half years. We were in a pretty unhealthy relationship. I felt like we had a negative addiction to each other, where his happiness was dependent on me a lot - so that’s something that I wanted to draw from. In a big way, my happiness was dependent on him too. In the bridge, I talk about that a little bit - when you give everything to someone and then they throw it in your face and you’ve given time and love to them or are really trying to help because you love them. And then they screw you and you’re like why, where? How?
When I started writing that song my ex and I had just broken up and I’d been seeing him for like three and a half years. We were in a pretty unhealthy relationship. I felt like we had a negative addiction to each other, where his happiness was dependent on me a lot - so that’s something that I wanted to draw from. In a big way, my happiness was dependent on him too. In the bridge, I talk about that a little bit - when you give everything to someone and then they throw it in your face and you’ve given time and love to them or are really trying to help because you love them. And then they screw you and you’re like why, where? How?
Have you experienced addiction before?
With my ex, that was my closest addiction. Him being addicted to me almost as a substance, whereas in the past I’d seen addiction with substance so I know how much of a negative impact it has on people’s lives. It was just something that I think I wanted to understand more. I never really fully understood addiction or how broad it is, so for me, it was a very interesting subject to work around and have conversations about.
With my ex, that was my closest addiction. Him being addicted to me almost as a substance, whereas in the past I’d seen addiction with substance so I know how much of a negative impact it has on people’s lives. It was just something that I think I wanted to understand more. I never really fully understood addiction or how broad it is, so for me, it was a very interesting subject to work around and have conversations about.
Would you say that you were also addicted to him?
In a way I became very dependent on him as well like unless he had said I was beautiful I wouldn’t think I was beautiful, everything I wore was not to impress myself it was to impress him, and I had never been that girl before. I used him as my mirror and how I felt depended on what he would say. I had no love for myself or my body. I had never understood why girls would let a man tell them what to do type of thing… Then I let it happen to me. In the end one of the reasons I left the relationship was because I sat down one day and thought, what the hell am I doing? If one of my friends came to me for advice, I would tell her to leave, I would tell her not to take it, or not to be in something that is unhealthy - so why am I taking it? I needed to take my own advice so I took my own advice and I left.
In a way I became very dependent on him as well like unless he had said I was beautiful I wouldn’t think I was beautiful, everything I wore was not to impress myself it was to impress him, and I had never been that girl before. I used him as my mirror and how I felt depended on what he would say. I had no love for myself or my body. I had never understood why girls would let a man tell them what to do type of thing… Then I let it happen to me. In the end one of the reasons I left the relationship was because I sat down one day and thought, what the hell am I doing? If one of my friends came to me for advice, I would tell her to leave, I would tell her not to take it, or not to be in something that is unhealthy - so why am I taking it? I needed to take my own advice so I took my own advice and I left.
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Is this the first video you’ve directed?
Yeah, it is. I was actually going to shoot it myself at the start - I don’t like waiting for other people to tell me that I can do things. Then I met Connor at a VICE shoot with Raiza Biza. So when we shot, Connor and I had literally known each other for like five days.What were some of your favourite moments in putting it together?
I think for me, I was actually just really scared to even approach people to be in this video. Taking that step where you’re like okay this isn’t just a thought anymore. I literally did it with no budget, so I was like how am I gonna do this first of all?! I was watching YouTube videos like hyping myself, encouraging myself, watching other women talking about themselves being resourceful and telling myself, “You can do it!”
Yeah, it is. I was actually going to shoot it myself at the start - I don’t like waiting for other people to tell me that I can do things. Then I met Connor at a VICE shoot with Raiza Biza. So when we shot, Connor and I had literally known each other for like five days.What were some of your favourite moments in putting it together?
I think for me, I was actually just really scared to even approach people to be in this video. Taking that step where you’re like okay this isn’t just a thought anymore. I literally did it with no budget, so I was like how am I gonna do this first of all?! I was watching YouTube videos like hyping myself, encouraging myself, watching other women talking about themselves being resourceful and telling myself, “You can do it!”
Who do you look up to?
My Mum and my Nana are big role models, they’re very, very strong. They’re those women - you just know they've got a huge heart, but at the same time you know not to step over that line, not to disrespect them. They would always tell me as a kid that kindness is strength.I love people like India Arie, I grew up with her music and it taught me a lot. And it’s really random, but recently Jacinda Ardern. She’s such a boss, and you can just tell there's a genuine care for people that she's got, and I love that she’s young and she’s thriving and she’s what, 30 something? And she's running our country. That’s insane. Also the backlash she got from her pregnancy and the way she carried herself through that, I really admire her.
My Mum and my Nana are big role models, they’re very, very strong. They’re those women - you just know they've got a huge heart, but at the same time you know not to step over that line, not to disrespect them. They would always tell me as a kid that kindness is strength.I love people like India Arie, I grew up with her music and it taught me a lot. And it’s really random, but recently Jacinda Ardern. She’s such a boss, and you can just tell there's a genuine care for people that she's got, and I love that she’s young and she’s thriving and she’s what, 30 something? And she's running our country. That’s insane. Also the backlash she got from her pregnancy and the way she carried herself through that, I really admire her.