If you've ever woken up from a night of drinking with a dry mouth, a pounding headache, and no clue where you've been and who you've texted, we feel your pain. We asked friends and co-workers to recall the drunkest they've ever been in six words. Here's what they said:"I sexted my dad by accident." - Paul, 32"Awoke naked. Never drank Port again." - Peter, 22"Lit Bible on fire on Christmas." - Alex, 26
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"Barfed in backpack, got through security." - Lauren, 25"Bought my dad a lap dance." - Drew, 21"Friend inside Osaka brothel. Gutter nap." - Mike, 31"Tried to fight a fire hydrant." - Andy, 31"Left half hoagie between couch cushions." - Jonathan, 44"Threw my phone in a puddle." - Jesse, 28"Peed on a cop's car. Cried." - Joey, 34"Threw a pizza at a car." - Emily, 24"Projectile shat onto random girl's rug." - Luis, 30"Tequila rebound sex. Screamed ex's name." - Lauren, 25
"Friend cut my hair off drunk." - Adrian, 32"Considered emergency room for the hangover." - Ray, 31"Peed and puked simultaneously on lawn." - Ariel, 27"Fell off bunk bed naked, farted." - Alex, 38"Projectile vomit. Slept outside Ohio motel." - Nick, 39
"Slept in a functioning refrigerator. Hours." - Steve, 29"Played Batman Forever soundtrack on repeat." - Jaime, 32"Pissed in a shoe closet. Twice." - Bim, 35"Puked on my phone, breaking it." - Laura, 34"Married someone I had just met." - Samantha, 26"Licked girl's leg on dance floor." - Marco, 38"Friends photographed me puking into bathtub." - Deena, 34"Poop turned horrifying shade of green." - Teri, 32"Slow danced to Metallica with cat." - Julie, 39"Yakked off a balcony, killed plants." - Mike, 36"Melted a fingernail stubbing out cigarette." - Ann, 58"Spilled candle wax on my laptop." - Sonal, 34"Fucked a popular Jackass cast member." - Jen, 32"Fell through a glass coffee table." - Jack, 29
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"Shaved off my eyebrows. It sucked." - Leslie, 32"Crashed golf cart. Broke my arm." - Todd, 25"Barfed into curtain while dancing onstage." - Liz, 32"Called ex. Sobbed about dying alone." - Pete, 38Follow Anna Goldfarb on Twitter.