This article originally appeared on VICE UK.
Wouldn't it be nice if you could vastly improve everything about yourself without putting in any effort whatsoever? Good news: with Oobah.com, you can.
Inspired by Oobah Butler's latest article for VICE—in which he sent fake, better versions of himself on TV and radio interviews to make himself appear smarter, hotter, and more charming—we've launched a lookalike service, Oobah.com, which you can use to find stand-ins, to trick people into thinking that you're actually good looking, intelligent, and interesting.
We've had over 650 applications since launching the service on Wednesday—and this is real; we will be sending out lookalikes, we just need a minute to get it all figured out. But for now, we've picked some of the best reasons for needing an Oobah people have sent in (and omitted the 100 or so from people who just want to be taller).
- My new roommate’s mom is coming to visit the house soon. I’d like to get a few Oobahs, one in each room of the house while she’s given the tour. The aim is to convince this woman that I can be in several rooms at once.
- I would really like my Oobah to go to my boyfriend’s gig so that I don’t have to, and pretend to like the music more than I do.
- Do sick flips on a longboard.
– I need my Oobah to stand in for me in my social basketball league at school. I need him to be taller than me and display a certain 'flare' that gets the crowd going.
- I'm an award winning, glowingly critiqued artist top 1% BA Fine Art. But I can't schmooze. I have social anxiety. I believe I could be in the international circuit if I could impress with charm, youth, and beauty. I'm dead serious, send me a stand in.
- Can my lookalike break up with my fiancee?
- I need a caddy for my daughter when she plays golf. It’s not like my daughter talks to me when I’m carrying her clubs and my arms are full so I can’t even hold a beer!! Should be easy.
- A bigger cock.
- Someone who looks like they have their shit together while I cry at home into my bowl of coco-pops. Also, I want to date this guy but I have a fear of intimacy so could you have sex with him for me if that’s ok?
- My girlfriend can down pints faster than me and then calls me a pussy so I could do with an Oobah to beat her (in chugging) so I can feel like a man again.
- I just want a version of me that isn't fat.
– I would love to send my Oobah to school for a day. It would be funny to see if anyone notices, especially my teachers. He would be smarter, and hotter than me. I’d be instantly popular, all because of my Oobah.
- Take selfies with two model-looking girls near the London Bridge.
- I recently said I was starting a book club and people are actually interested in joining... I’m not sure I want to go through with it but I also don’t want to let people down.
- Make my girlfriend cum. :(
- My brother’s engagement party is coming up next week and he says he wants “all the people who are important to him” to come along. I’d like a lookalike who is more important than me (mid-ranking civil servant, perhaps?) to step in.
- Getting a lot of funeral and wedding invites. I'd just like to send them money and a lookalike so that they feel like they've got the best version of me.
- I've always wanted to be able to juggle. I can't juggle.
- Go to visit my grandmother for me and act like a smarter, better version of myself so she's proud for once.
- I need him to cover me 9 to 6 daily so that I can focus on becoming a pro football player. Also, I will use the money he earns to buy IG followers so that I can be a IG influencer in case the pro football thing doesn't work out.
- Just be me, but not me.
- I need my Oobah to do school for me because there are simply just too many snakes at my school.
- Just fuck me up.
- idk man, I'm just fascinated to see if there are any more 5'11 half-Greek, overweight ladies with severe anxiety in the world and if they're better at organizing their lives than me.
- Basically just want a less jaded me to text boys for me because I can't be bothered.
- I need an Oobah to go to Thorpe Park and be less scared than me.
- I would like him to go and beat up my drug dealer.
- I have always wanted to do stand up comedy. The problem is I am not funny enough nor do I have the appropriate situational awareness. I really want to impress my girlfriend but I know I would personally fail. I need an Oobah!
- Have my Oobah be a mad dog cunt and possibly do my med interview for me.